UPDATE: WIBTA If I move out of our apartment knowing my fiance and his mom can’t afford it without me
Sometimes, you don’t realize how bad a situation is until you step back and see it for what it is. That’s exactly what happened to OP (29F), who has spent the past six months being financially drained and emotionally exhausted while her fiancé (27M) let his jobless, overbearing mother take over their home.
She gave him one last chance to step up—to prioritize their relationship over his mother—but instead, she got more excuses. Now, she’s done. OP is moving out, cutting her financial contributions, and leaving her fiancé and his mom to fend for themselves.
The best part? He’s shocked that she isn’t prioritizing his mother like he is. But OP has mentally and emotionally checked out—and she’s finally choosing herself.
‘UPDATE: WIBTA If I move out of our apartment knowing my fiance and his mom can’t afford it without me’
Expert Analysis:
The Reality of Emotional Enmeshment
OP’s fiancé has made his choice—and it isn’t her. His emotional dependence on his mother is a textbook example of enmeshment, a psychological term describing an unhealthy, blurred boundary between a parent and their child.
According to Dr. Kenneth Adams, an expert on enmeshment in families, men who are emotionally enmeshed with their mothers often struggle to create independent, healthy romantic relationships. They default to prioritizing their mother’s needs and emotions over their partner’s.
Translation? If his mom wants something, OP’s fiancé will always put her first.
The Financial & Emotional Toll of “Mommy Moves In”
OP’s financial burden in this relationship has been staggering:
- She paid 2/3 of the rent while MIL had her own room.
- MIL hasn’t even attempted to find a job despite having savings from a divorce settlement.
- OP’s office was taken away, and she was pushed into a corner of the bedroom.
- MIL constantly interrupted her work and criticized her.
This wasn’t just an inconvenience—it was a full-blown financial and emotional drain.
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in narcissistic family dynamics, financial and emotional leeching from a partner’s parent is one of the biggest relationship killers—especially when the partner refuses to intervene.
OP had no choice but to leave—because if she didn’t, this situation would never change.
Lessons Learned & Moving Forward
- A Partner Who Won’t Set Boundaries Never Will – OP’s fiancé had six months to step up. He didn’t. If he won’t protect OP now, he never will.
- MIL’s “Helplessness” Was a Manipulation Tactic – She never planned on leaving. She had savings from a divorce settlement and still chose to depend on OP.
- OP Has Every Right to Leave – She isn’t responsible for ensuring her fiancé and MIL can afford the rent. If they can’t pay, that’s their problem.
- This Would Have Been OP’s Life Forever – If OP had stayed, MIL would never leave. She would have dictated everything—household decisions, finances, even how OP raised her future kids.
Here’s the comments of Reddit Users:
Most users applauded OP for choosing herself. Many pointed out that her fiancé is a “wet noodle” with no backbone and will never put her first. Some emphasized how MIL planned this from the start—she never applied for jobs, meaning she intended to mooch off OP the entire time.
What do you think—was OP too harsh, or was this the only way to save herself? Let’s discuss.