UPDATE – WIBTA for telling my wife to show me her phone after I got an email accusing her of cheating?
First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/EVavz
A few hours after sharing my first post, I confronted Emily; she confirmed my fears. She claims she’s in love with Jake and can’t live a lie any longer.
‘ UPDATE – WIBTA for telling my wife to show me her phone after I got an email accusing her of cheating?’
The article has the final update at the end.
She still claims to love me and the kids but says she can’t stay with us any longer. According to her, she was waiting for a “better time” to tell me and the children. Apparently, this has been going on since March, with Jake flying out here occasionally and Emily secretly meeting him.
We’re getting divorced. Emily is moving to the UK soon. She confirmed that in August, in addition to the wedding, she attended a job interview, and she’s set to start around the new year. She’s already applied for a British Visa. She plans to live with Jake once she moves.
As for custody, Emily is voluntarily surrendering her chance of full custody. She doesn’t want to uproot the kids, so they’ll stay here in Canada with me. There’s a part of me that appreciates that decision, but there’s also the part that is astonished at how easily she’s walking away. She wants to pay child support, but I’d rather raise my children without her financial influence. That said, the court will likely insist on support, regardless of my feelings.
Emily is also seeking structured visitation rights, which, given the circumstances, will likely be granted. Based on what I’ve been told, the court generally leans toward arrangements that allow both parents to maintain relationships with the children, even when one is relocating to a different country.
The lawyers are still working out the details, but it seems she’ll have visitation during school breaks and holidays, with the possibility of virtual calls in between. I’ve been keeping things as amicable as possible, and the more cooperative I am, the more Emily seems to agree with my demands.
We are also discussing the future of our home. Emily has expressed a desire to sell the property and divide the proceeds. While I am reluctant to part with the family home, it is unlikely I have much of a choice since it was bought during our marriage. For now, our lawyers are still working through the details, and no final decisions have been made.
Given the situation, it could be a good while before we reach a resolution. In the meantime, I’ve been advised not to make any major financial moves. As much as I want to stay here with the children, I know selling is most likely inevitable. As of this writing, Emily is in an airbnb and Jake has flown here to stay with her. They plan on travelling to the UK at some point in the near future.
My lawyer tells me that a**ltery isn’t grounds for special treatment when it comes to custody or property division. Therefore, it won’t influence how assets are divided unless marital funds are directly involved. Emily likely used money from her personal account. Unless it can be proven she used our joint finances to fund the affair, it’s unlikely this will make any difference in court.
I have been in regular communication with Jake’s soon-to-be ex-wife, Eleanor, primarily through email, and more recently, we’ve spoken over the phone a few times. Eleanor apologized, saying she felt guilty for telling me about the affair and worried that if she hadn’t, maybe my marriage could have been salvaged.
I reassured her that, for me, the gravity of the situation made divorce inevitable, and I’d rather not remain in the dark about something of this significance. She even sent me messages and other evidence of their relationship, but since Emily is openly admitting to the affair, it doesn’t really matter in the context of the law.
Eleanor has also told me a lot about Jake—apparently, this is the third time he’s cheated on her, and she’s had enough. There’s no chance of reconciliation this time, she says, and he doesn’t seem interested in trying. She mentioned that Jake has zero desire to raise children who are not biologically his, which explains why Emily’s not fighting for custody. Eleanor’s divorce will most likely be much longer and more drawn out than mine given that both her and Jake want full custody of their children, and can’t agree on several other issues.
I haven’t had much time to process everything. These past two weeks have felt like a blur in every way. But one thing I can say with certainty is that I have nothing left for Emily. Not because she betrayed our marriage, but because of how easily she’s walking away from our children. I never thought I could hate someone I once loved so much, it’s a strange feeling.
The hardest part in all of this is the children. My two youngest daughters have started asking why their mother isn’t around as much anymore, and it’s been very difficult trying to communicate with them about the nature of the situation. My eldest seems to understand a little more and, as a result, he has become quiet and withdrawn.
I’m fortunate to have a family that has been incredibly supportive so far. My children have received numerous thoughtful letters from some of their cousins, which I’ve been reading to them each night. All my siblings have also sent gifts for the kids, and one of my brothers, along with his wife, drove up to visit over the past weekend. My sister-in-law even prepared plenty of food, some of which is still in the freezer. They also kept the children entertained while I met with my lawyer. My other siblings have also offered to come by and look after the kids whenever I need them.
Beyond that, my parents have been calling daily to check in on us, and my 78-year-old mother has already made plans to stay with us for two weeks in November to help around the house. The collective effort of my family has made this experience much more bearable, and I’m deeply grateful for all their support.
To everyone who encouraged me to speak with Emily after my last post, I’m grateful. I was tempted to ignore Eleanor’s message, but it kept gnawing at me. Your advice gave me the courage to act. Emily has shown herself to be a l**r, and I have no doubt that her idea of a ‘better time’ was simply when it would cause the least inconvenience for her and Jake.
Final update: https://aita.pics/iYLyR
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
TaiwanBandit − So sorry for the outcome here OP. I had not expected her to just drop the marriage and take off with Jake, a known c**ater. Can’t imagine that relationship will last long. And your wife walking away from her kids to be with him is beyond the pale. Continue to listen to your lawyers, be amicable to get the best settlement, and take care of your kids. Good you have a supporting family. Thanks for the update. I wish you and your kids well.
rocketmn69_ − Take her support payments and put it into accounts for the kids. Keep investing it for them and give it to them when they are 30. Hopefully they will be in a good place where the money will really help them.
Salt-Finding9193 − She’s so pathetic he says I don’t want your kids but I’ll fight for mine and she bends over and agrees to abandon them. Watch her life implode when he eventually cheats on her. She’ll come running back claiming she missed you and the kids.
Speak to your lawyer to get her to sign over full parental control and loose parental responsibility as she’ll use them as b**ckmail to worm her way back in. As soon as lawyer says it’s time cut all remaining financial ties with her.. NTA.
thaigoodlife − She is in the affair fog. There’s a 90% chance that within the next few years, she’ll realize what a mistake she has made, especially regarding the children. Plus, if he’s a serial c**ater, he’ll cheat on her when the new relationship excitement wears off. You can almost set your watch by these kinds of cheaters.. Don’t ever take her back.
theworldisonfire8377 − “Well kids, Mommy decided that a new penis is more important to her than you kids are.” Get them into therapy, at the very least.
TopAd7154 − Bloody hell. Emily is awful.
Material_Cellist4133 − I’m waiting for the day Jake cheats on your wife and you will be standing there gloating with your children. BTW, I think your children deserve to know why you got divorced. Don’t wait til your wife comes crawling back and tries to twist the narrative. And trust me, she will come crawling back when Jake cheats on her (he cheated on his current wife 3 times, it’s bound to happen – he lives for the excitement).
jonasnoble − Fortunately, their new relationship will likely go up in flames. How you get ’em is how you lose ’em. If she’ll cheat with you, she’ll cheat on you. And Jake has a proven track record. I’m confident, they’ll get whatever they deserve eventually.
Mother_Search3350 − She is packing up, leaving you and her children for her Affair Partner, leaving the country and taking no responsibility for her children And she wants to sell the house from under the children she is abandoning and DGAF where they are going to live because she wants money to go live with her Affair Partner?
Where exactly does she think she will be getting those custody visits from? Where will they be video calling her from? And how are you and your lawyer even agreeing to that level of madness? The courts are going to agree with her custodial rights with Zero consideration for where the custodial parent will live with the children? Or is it just you rolling over and playing dead with no consideration for your children and the upheaval in their lives?
Nightwish1976 − So sorry you have to go through this. It’s good you seem to have a great support system. Regarding your wife, don’t worry, karma is a b**ch. She will get what’s hers eventually. Someone that cheated on his wife three times will definitely cheat on his new partner sooner or later. And then she will try to come back to you with her tail between her legs.. Good luck!