[UPDATE] Want some advice on how I [29F] can “come clean” to some new friends [32F, 34F, 34M, 38F) I’ve gotten close to over the last 6 months to whom I’ve been lying by omission.

A Redditor, who had been hiding a deeply painful past involving the loss of her family, recently shared her story with the close friends she had made in a new city. After six months of being hesitant to open up.

She invited them to dinner and revealed the truth about her tragic accident, during which she lost her husband, daughter, and unborn child. The friends responded with support, compassion, and understanding. Read the original story below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/hRyPX

‘ [UPDATE] Want some advice on how I [29F] can “come clean” to some new friends [32F, 34F, 34M, 38F) I’ve gotten close to over the last 6 months to whom I’ve been lying by omission.’

So I really want to first take a moment to talk about how awesome my experience in this sub has been. I knew that I wanted to tell my friends the story of my past, and I knew they would react pretty well, and I knew they’d be supportive and we’d remain close friends. I really just didn’t know how to bring it up after SIX months.

I don’t know if I expressed it in my first post, but 6 months is kind of a long time, I feel so close to these people in so many ways, so mostly it was just weird to me to not be able to casually mention my family.

I absolutely still have days where it’s hard to get out of bed and I just want to be left alone to cry in the dark, but so many times I think of happy memories with my family, and adorable things Veronica did that I’m reminded of and I want to be able to pepper those into my conversations.

I struggled with HOW to tell people. One on one? Big group dinner? Email? So I actually emailed them all the day after my first post here and invited them over for dinner the next night if they could make it on short notice. I said to please bring their SOs, but told Kelly I’d explain later why I think she shouldn’t bring her kids this time.

Honestly I was just afraid she’d get really upset and wouldn’t want her kids to see her like that. She couldn’t get a sitter, so her husband stayed home with the kids, but Brenda and Luke brought their SOs, and I made a huge pot of chili and some cornbread.

I feel like they sensed something was up, because honestly I thought the odds of them all being able to come with one day’s notice was unusual. They showed up early evening, we sat in my living room (tight quarters!) and had some wine, and then I started.

I’m an awkward person, so I basically said “I have some big information about my past that I really want to share with you. It’s not something that I share with everyone I meet and it’s hard to bring up, but now so much time has gone by and I feel so close to you all, and I really want you to know this part of my life.

I think it’ll be emotional for you all to hear about, and I think it’ll slightly change our dynamic for a while, but I’m also really excited to share this with you.” A couple of the girls were already teary. I didn’t know if they’d googled me and already knew what I was going to say, or if they could just sense the emotion in my voice.

I wanted the next part to be really blunt and not beat around the bush and first set it up so they wouldn’t see where I was going. I said, 3 years ago my husband, 2 year old daughter and I were in a car accident when I was 5 months pregnant.

My husband and daughter were killed instantly, and I lost the son I was carrying, but was otherwise physically okay. Everyone was silently sobbing at this point, including me. I told them why I moved away, why I wanted to start fresh, and why now I needed them to know my story.

Kelly got up and came over and sat on the floor by my feet and cried into my lap for a while. I stroked her hair and told her it was okay, and that her kids are the first kids I had contact with since Veronica and it genuinely gave me so much joy to be around them,

and that the only thing I would change is that I’d like to share stories about our kids, talk about what Veronica liked to play with or the “words” she would say, diaper rash. We were all still crying, but there was a lot of smiling and joking too. I tried to break the ice a little bit with Kelly and said “you know what this means right?

I have had a baby and still look hot in a bikini!” We giggled, she said OMG I can’t believe I said that, I said I take it as a compliment and assured them all I would not hold anything against them they said previously that in the light of this new information could now be seen as offensive.

It wrapped up so neatly like a g**damn sit com! I mean, they are good people and I knew it would. With all I’ve been through I’m choosey about who I let into my life and I could tell they were good people who would react well, but they’ve also all been friends for SO long, it always kind of feels like I’m the new kid and we aren’t on equal footing.

I am glad I told them all together though, instead of telling them individually. I honestly don’t think I could have handled that emotionally, going through it took a lot out of me. Brenda actually said that when we first met and she was looking up to see if I had Facebook,

she came across a headline about my accident but didn’t click on it because the headline was so horrific and she assumed it was just someone with the same name. We finally ate chili around 10:30. I do think they’ll tread lightly around me for a while, but I also think this is going to bring us closer.

And I don’t intend to bring my family up often, but I’m glad now I can share stories about my wedding planning, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. I never wanted someone that I could cry to about missing my family. Honestly….that’s mine and mine alone.

I still go to therapy, so I’m not keeping it inside, but it just doesn’t work for me to express my grief over my loss to others. Thanks for helping me talk this out Reddit.

Thank you to those of you who sent me PMs sharing your own losses or just wishing me well. I could not have had this particular conversation with anyone in my real life. You were really here for me. That means a lot.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Gladness2Sadness −  I’m not going to read this because I don’t want to get teary as I’m leaving work, but I’m happy for you, OP.

Not_very_social −  I am so happy things worked out with your friends! The way you described them and said they were great people, I knew they would be awesome. I could tell they were good people who would react well, but they’ve also all been friends for SO long, it always kind of feels like I’m the new kid and we aren’t on equal footing.

THIS. Thank you so much for saying this. It is never too late to make friends or “join” an already established group. An addition to such a longtime group of friends just makes it sweeter and more loving than it was before!

LazyTits127 −  Awww this made me tear up OP :). Im glad this all worked out!

InsaneEnergy4 −  I didn’t sign my permission slip to go on this feels trip. Still, such a happy ending. Good luck to you, OP.

HighLoww −  Why did I read this at work. My coworker comes to ask me a question and I’m trying to wipe tears away, I just told him I farted and it was burning my eyes.

highfivingmf −  Damn chilli at 10:30 sounds like you’re asking for trouble later

nikknak −  I’ve been looking forward to an update since you first posted & now I’m sitting over here crying because I’m so happy for you. Stay strong, lady. You sound like a great person who has made some wonderful friends!

poler_bear −  Wow, OP. You have me in tears. I am so happy for you that you now have such a wonderful group of people in your life. I admire your courage and strength so much! And I will make cornbread and chili this weekend in your honor :,)

TheOpus −  I’m so glad this worked out for you. You have some great friends there!

[Reddit User] −  You may have lost your family in an accident, but you’ve gained a new family.. Truly caring companions. And you still have the option to start a new family of your own again.. Bless you, and your courage, girl.

Opening up about a painful past can be overwhelming, but it can also lead to deeper connections with those you trust. How do you navigate revealing sensitive parts of your life to new friends, and how does it feel when you no longer have to hide your truth? Share your thoughts below!