Update to: My (57M) son (23M) moved back in and has been acting weird. Can anyone help?

A 57-year-old father shared an update about his 23-year-old son, who recently moved back home with his wife and child and had been acting out. After addressing the situation as a family, the son apologized and began making amends. However, a private conversation revealed external pressure from his in-laws, threatening legal action over wedding costs and custody. Read the full story below:

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/QGokH

‘ Update to: My (57M) son (23M) moved back in and has been acting weird. Can anyone help?’

Before discussing it with the whole family, I asked my eldest if she noticed any changes in his behavior when they’ve talked on the phone or if she knows about anyone in his circle who might have influenced him. I know it was a long shot considering she lives a little over five hours away.

She hasn’t noticed any changes in their conversations, however, like the comments she mentioned, maybe he’s been watching certain media and is upset about his wife making more than him. She also suggested BPD, PPD, maybe he regrets getting married and having a kid so early, or maybe he was expecting some sort of special treatment for being the first/doing it at all.

I also asked my parents if he was like this when he was staying with them in New York for college, they said he was the perfect guest, he’d clean up, do *everyone’s* laundry, wash dishes, make dinner, etc. As for my DIL not wanting to sleep in the same room as him, she says only when at a parent’s house and that it’s a family thing.

I didn’t think much of it considering I also have hang ups that would be considered absurd. My son said when they visited her parent’s once they were not allowed to sleep in the same room, so, there’s not much I can do about that.

During our discussion we went over house rules, which are the same as always, clean up after yourself, do your own chores, don’t eat other people’s food/leftovers, we will help out with the baby but you are responsible for the bulk of the care, they are free to use son’s room and the guest room but everyone else’s room is off limits,

and we cleared some cabinet space and fridge space for them to put their stuff. We discussed how he and his wife are solely responsible for their new life they’ve made together but our family will always be there for them. We also put together a list of houses that are within their budget that they will be checking out after Christmas.

Of course, we also talked about giving him the boot if he didn’t go to counseling and correct his behavior. He gave apologies to everyone in the house and offered to take everyone to make everyone dinner. If the apology doesn’t seem like enough, it was for his siblings and mother so I can’t really say whether it should have been accepted or not, it was up to them.

Right now everything’s sort of going back to normal and there seems to be harmony in the house again. I know this update isn’t much, but I struggled writing it because of the private conversation I had with my son

Apparently, DIL’s parents have been pressuring him to move them into a house out here (they live in Chicago) and claim they will file a lawsuit for the expense of the wedding (around $25,000) and custody of their child.

I’m pretty sure if they do this it’ll be a waste of time and money on their part and would be considered extortion of some sort, but we will still be consulting a lawyer just in case. He hadn’t told DIL anything about this.

When I asked him why he didn’t talk to her about this, he said he thought he could handle it himself but realized he just couldn’t but didn’t know how to tell anybody about the situation. For now, DIL is handling it and my son has stopped responding to their texts.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

UsuallyWrite2 −  Wait. What? Her parents want to sue them? And go for custody? That’s got to have more to it. Totally insane! I was involved in your original post and I’m glad you all had a talk but it seems like there is a LOT more going on.

easy_avocado420 −  “Hi lawyer? Our son in law won’t let us move into his house that he doesn’t have, so we want $25k and their baby, thanks”
If this is legit, I wish I could be a fly on the wall when they get laughed at.

Lilburrito502 −  Do you know why he’s being extorted by them? That’s crazy! I’m sorry you’re going through that

Grouchy-Storm-6758 −  Don’t have your son block his in-laws, but maybe mute them. Then download, copy or save all the texts they have sent him.
Then start a FU binder. That is where all things pertaining to the IL’s go into. Texts, emails, ring doorbell videos, etc.

Talk to a lawyer about them going after YOUR grandchild. Is your state is it a one party state? If so, start recording all the phone calls and video calls.
And I will guess they don’t have any type of signed contract or other documents about the $25,000 they gave THEIR DAUGHTER for her wedding. But double check with the lawyer.

Depending on what they are alleging about the baby (why else would they threaten to go for custody), every time they take the baby to the pediatrician, I would ask for a document stating baby is in good health, and what ever else you would need in court, also have them put a copy in the child’s medical file just to CYA.. Good luck.

TroublesomeTurnip −  Def keep an eye out since he’s consuming negative media that’s influencing his behavior. Glad you set boundaries and I hope they stay intact.

AardvarkDisastrous70 −  I would get him in contact with a lawyer

Wong-Scot −  Hi OP, By chance is DIL’s parents from an Asian culture, and by this I mean far East, Singapore,.Chinese etc. From my personal experience, cultures that have a dabble with Confucius ideals may have a leaning towards “family sticks together, physically closer the better”.

Not the first time I’ve heard baby = custody of grandparents due to culture. Even my mum has tried to indicate this idea into me as I grew up. If Singaporean, then I can see how or why they would approach for a lawsuit as they may misinterpret their countries Maintenance of Parent Act as a justification.

I’m basically saying culture clash crosses asain Karen’s. But either way, it’s hard to make assumptions and to assume is to ass-u-me. I just want to congratulate you on tackling this issue in what seemed to be a fair and gentle inquisitive way.

Asking and explaining your observations and setting of boundaries etc. Like others have posted, yourself have also eluded to. There seems to be more to this, but now that the family is aware of the potential problems.

It’s generally much easier to work as a team (family..duh) to tackle and deal with it.. Bad = ongoing issue. Good = everyone is aware. Great = making up and apologies have happened. So overall, a positive outcome and congratulationd for seeing past the first stage.

TheMajestic1982 −  Wow his in laws sound like psychos

Lilac-Roses-Sunsets −  I hope DIL isn’t in on it. She may want her parents living with her.. your son needs to make sure that she knows that BEFORE they buy a house.

Alert-Cranberry-5972 −  Your son & Dil are fortunate to have a stable environment for now. It probably would be best that they continue to live with you all until the crap from her parents is stopped. A visit to an attorney may be better sooner rather than later.. Good luck and happy holidays!

This update shows the importance of open communication and family support in navigating complex challenges. Do you think the son’s in-laws’ threats should be addressed legally, or could they be resolved through direct dialogue? How would you handle this kind of external pressure within your family? Share your thoughts below!