UPDATE to AITA for demanding the same Christmas present my stepbrother got?

A Redditor shared an update about their situation regarding an unequal Christmas gift from their dad. Initially upset over receiving a gift card while their stepbrother got a car, the user now feels more at peace after choosing to distance themselves from their dad’s household. They’ve found comfort in spending time with their grandmother and are focusing on their future, including college. Read the full story below.

‘ UPDATE to AITA for demanding the same Christmas present my stepbrother got?’

Here’s the update some of you have been asking for. I decided I needed a break from my dad and his family so I spent the holidays exclusively at my mom’s house. I will most likely not be continuing the week on/off arrangement at my dad’s house this year.

The reason I initially got from my dad is that apparently I’m better at getting rides, while my step brother keeps bugging them for rides. And also because my stepbrother is there full time and I’m only there every other week. I think that’s totally b**lshit. He knows how difficult it has been to get to my part time job. My stepbrother doesn’t even have a job, like damn.

And now the custody bs is my problem? I don’t think so. I took the gift card and told my dad not to bother with getting me a car. I’m currently “borrowing” my grandmom’s 2002 Corolla and I love it. And all I have to do in exchange is drive my grandmom around whenever she wants. It’s awesome. We have a blast going around town.

There were a lot of different judgements on my initial post but at least I know I’m not completely crazy. People might think I’m being an entitled b**t and that’s fair. But I was legit so grateful for the gift card. I was freaking out. But I felt so stupid when I found out what my stepbrother got. It’s not that I needed a car. I just wanted to be treated equally.

This is the first time ever I’ve been actually resentful about having my step brother in my life. Which I don’t want to feel but it’s the truth. They could’ve bought two cars for what they spent on my step brother’s car.

I don’t hate my dad. But I realized that I can’t really expect him to do right by me without me bitching about it. He’s been sending money to my mother now since I’m here full-time. Some of that money is used to pay for my insurance.

He does text me a few times a week and I reply but I don’t really have long conversations with him. I know he’s sorry and he wants me around. But I just need some space from him. It kinda sucks realizing that a parent might not love you as much as you thought they did. But I’m sure our relationship will improve in time.

I’m on track for college this year and I want to focus on school and put all this behind me. I’ll be one of the few people from our family going to college so everyone is pretty excited. So all in all, I think the outcome is pretty positive.. Thanks guys.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  I love that you’re enjoying time with your grandma. I grinned involuntarily at that part.

t3hd0n −  We have a blast going around town. dude thats so cool! quality time with the grandma :D. edit: did you ever find out if the car has a loan attached to it or not?

ActofEncouragement −  Your father’s reasoning is b**lshit. The only reason I am commenting is to say that I absolutely love that you are driving your grandmother around in exchange for her car. If I could do this with my grandmother again, I would in a heartbeat. Love every minute with her!

Gogogadgetskates −  NTA and I’m glad this has worked out positively for you and you’re able to spend time with your grandmother. to everyone saying no one has to gift him a car… that’s true.

But parents should do their best to treat children equally. If they can’t afford to give both of the boys cars, neither should get one. That’s what’s fair. Neither boy is entitled to a car… it’s a luxury… but it’s a luxury you should only give if you can do it for both kids.

I can still remember the Christmas I got adidas runners and my brother got a new dirt bike. I’m sorry, but no one who hasn’t experienced this sort of thing can really, truly, understand the overwhelming feeling of being lesser than, not wanted, not as loved, etc.

It’s really easy to say ‘gifts aren’t the only way to express love’ and ‘you’re not entitled to a car’ when you really don’t get the feeling. It’s not about feeling entitled to a car… **it’s about wondering why the other sibling is worth a car and you’re not.**

EnadZT −  The fact that people told OP to stop bitching is insane to me. A used 2014 Civic is ~$10k USD. If they bought Step Bro a PS4 Pro ($400 USD), OP would have received a gift for $24. That’s how massive the ratio was between those gifts.

[Reddit User] −  Damn, you sound like a really well rounded and mature kid. Kudos!

mbbaer −  If your dad is to be believed, he operated on a “squeaky wheel gets the grease” philosophy without thinking how it looks and feels when he gifts one sibling something worth many times what the other one gets. The car solved the most visible problem, and he didn’t sufficiently address the new one it created. Many people have such a blind spot.

But while you can’t assume his actions are indicative of an emotional inequity, it’s definitely your right to be hurt and react to what happened, rather than instantly forgiving him. I hope you reach a point where you can accept your dad’s attempts to apologize, and are comfortable enough to allow the relationship to be repaired. Good luck. And congrats (about the college).

whimsicalacumen −  Commenting to say that I’m so excited for you and your deal with your grandmother. One of my grandmothers died two years ago, and my other is in the last stages of dementia and I doubt will last another month.

I wish I lived close enough that I could have done this, so I am just so excited for you and this precious time you now have together. Have wonderful little adventures together, take pictures, and have all the fun 💜

Kmia55 −  I don’t know why anyone would judge you for wanting the same gift as your step-brother. That is not entitlement but rather fairness. You are both 17 and both in need of cars. Whoever said your father’s reasoning was BS is right. As far as I’m concerned, your step-brother got a car and you didn’t because of your step-mother’s influence. and that is also BS.

And I think your dad knows he screwed this up big time. I think it is unfortunate (and I know there are great step-mothers out there), but basically I think your dad caved to his wife’s desire for her son’s needs and desires to be put first and you are paying the price. Don’t doubt your dad’s love but doubt his lack of judgment because he is taking the easy way out appeasing his wife. And, yes, I’m a step-mother.

[Reddit User] −  And i love that he’s sorry, but not sorry enough to actually make it right.

Do you think the Redditor handled the situation with their dad well, or could they have approached things differently? How do you deal with feelings of unfairness in family dynamics? Share your thoughts in the comments below!