UPDATE: So many red flags you could see them from space…? Please read – desperate for help.

A Reddit user shares an emotional update about finally leaving a toxic relationship after enduring controlling and manipulative behavior. Despite anticipating a dramatic confrontation, their partner unexpectedly let them go, leaving the user confused and questioning everything. As they sit at the airport, waiting to return home, they reflect on the whirlwind of events and try to make sense of what just happened. Read the original story below to see the full journey.

‘ ***[UPDATE]*** So many red flags you could see them from space…? Please read – desperate for help.’

So he came home last night and I pretended to be asleep. I didn’t know what else to do, I felt paralysed. Then very early this morning he was looking at me suspiciously, telling me I seem very nervous which made me feel even more unnerved because I wondered if he knew what was going on.

I was shaking and he asked “Why are you being like this? It’s like you think I’m going to hit you or something.” That triggered something in me. I thought ‘this is it, I’m trapped’ and I broke down crying, leading him to storm into the bedroom, slamming the door.

But then a little while later he opened the door and asked me to come in. His mood had done a complete 180 and he was almost too calm…possibly even sad? Out of the blue he says we couldn’t go on like this anymore, he says I’m crying all the time, too negative, and ‘discussing’ too much (read: questioning his behaviour too much.)

He said that he realised two days ago, in a meditation, that it isn’t our destiny to be together. He said I’m not the person he had created in his brain when he met me. His exact words were “I created an angel and then you opened your mouth.”

He said he’s losing more patience with me every second and even though I’ve done a lot for him, it’s not enough because he says he loves himself and is happy all the time so he needs someone who is the same, as well as a “real woman” (cooking and cleaning every day.) He said his brain is crazy around me and he can’t deal with it anymore.

His parting words were “Believe in yourself. Love yourself.” I found myself getting more upset and more confused but instead of following my inclination to bargain with him (I know, I truly can’t explain it) I tried to remember the things I had read on here and played along just in case this was some kind of test or m**ipulative behaviour.

I packed as quickly as I could, though it was in a d**e so I’m pretty sure I’ve left things behind. The whole time I was packing he stayed sitting on the bed just staring at the wall, the same position, not moving once… and then I left. No fight. No struggle. No words. Nothing. I felt paranoid waiting for something to happen, for him to react, I don’t know, for some kind of trap, but no.

I simply walked away. I was thinking all night about which exit strategy to use but he made it so easy? He, in essence, was the one to let me go? I’m not complaining but Jesus, has it confused me all the more.

My mum knows everything (I sent the link to this post as suggested.) She’s absolutely mortified but just wants to get me home. She has booked me on a flight back to England for this evening and stayed with me on the phone while I found a taxi to get me to the airport.

I have a long time to wait but my mum said she’d rather know that I’m at an airport surrounded by people rather than being anywhere near him. So I thought I’d use this opportunity to update you all because you’ve all been so supportive, **I’m really o**rwhelmed by all the messages and advice, I wasn’t expecting it. Really, thank you for your kindness.**.

Right now I am just sitting in the airport, shell-shocked, wondering what the hell just happened. I read my original post again and know I haven’t exaggerated a thing. Everything happened exactly as I said. Actually, more than those 26 things happened.

If anything I omitted detail in an attempt to keep the post short. But the way he acted this morning wasn’t what I was expecting and from reading your replies, it’s not what you were expecting either and so it has completely thrown me off guard.

Honestly, I feel almost ashamed to tell you all what happened in case you also find it odd and question me, like I am questioning myself right now. I know it doesn’t excuse everything he has done but does it give you a different perspective on things? Does this say more about me than it does him? Or is it manipulation to put the blame on me? I know he cannot bear the thought of anyone thinking badly of him, he wants to be idolised too much.

Maybe it’s from speaking to his friend. Or maybe I really am at fault and have been all along, because I keep thinking that if he is that controlling then why wouldn’t he try to keep me there? Unless he realised he couldn’t control me the way he expected.

Please don’t shoot me down for saying these things, I’m just…I don’t know!? I don’t understand the way this has panned out, and I’m desperately trying to make sense out of it. I feel like a TV crew are going to walk out at any moment telling me this has all been some kind of sick joke.

I’m not purposefully trying to sound like a naïve i**ot, I’m just finding it extremely hard to think logically or think at all for that matter. **I mean his last words to me were that he wants me to believe in myself and love myself for Christ sake.** I feel so confused and ashamed. My brain has whiplash from being on the rollercoaster of his multifaceted personality and feels even more scrambled right now. Nothing is really sinking in..  

**tl;dr: I’m at the airport waiting to fly home.**

**UPDATE – I’M HOME!**.  

**I had a lot of people asking me to post that I got home safely so I just wanted to take the time to let you know that I am home, safe with my wonderful Mum.**.  

**To everyone that has responded, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You showed me compassion when I needed it the most and, at the end of it all, your advice was the wake-up call I needed and gave me more strength than you will know. Thank you a thousand times (from me and my mum!)**.  

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  He has no idea your mom is flying you back. In his mind you’re out wandering the streets lost without him. He’s expecting you to come crawling back when you realize how perfect he is. He WILL contact you again. Just ignore him.

FeelingFascination −  He has you exactly where he wants you. Upset, questioning, doubting yourself, second guessing everything. He knew the game was up, and he got in a few last digs. He’d got everything he could get from you, without pushing you over the edge. Run like hell, never look back, block him on every form of contact, hug your mum, and try your best never to think of him again.

[Reddit User] −  YES. GOOD JOB. OMG. I’m over here screaming. I have legit never been so scared for an internet stranger in my life. I am so glad for this update. Also excellent telling your mom. You absolutely need good people in your life to help you. Notice how your mom didn’t shame you, all she said was “come home!” She gets it. Everybody on here got it too. We can’t all be wrong, right?

Don’t be ashamed. Listen, you’ve been in a war. You’re going to question yourself right now and worry it’s your fault. That’s textbook of abuse. When you get home, look into therapy with a licensed professional who specializes in domestic violence and personality disorders.

Sounds like your ex devalued you because you couldn’t live up to his lofty expectations. It’s a mindfuck. He said it to make you think there’s something wrong with you, a parting jab to get at you. He’s a l**atic a**hole. He lied to you about so many things, why would you believe him on this?

SoftTacoMasterRace −  Sweetheart, you’ve been emotionally and s**ually abused for weeks, your head is going to be all over the place for months, if not longer. You’re probably in shock, you might have PTSD, these are all things that will take time to come to the surface and they will take work to resolve.

Repeat to yourself that you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. He did this to you. You did nothing to deserve any of it. You will get through this. When you get home you need to see your GP immediately and ask for referral to a counsellor, let him/her know you were in an abusive situation and you need help.

I am so pleased that you are out of there, I was so worried about you. Make sure all of your social networks are locked down, change all of your passwords and email passwords, make sure you’ve blocked him on your phone. Go home, cry and have many hugs and take care of yourself.

[Reddit User] −  He’s a manipulator. He wants you to continue thinking that you were always the person doing something wrong and the relationship ended because you aren’t good enough. It’s going to take a long time to get over this relationship.

That’s normal. Take the time to take care of you! Do the things you want to do and explore hobbies/ things that make you happy. I’m glad you’re away from him and your mother sounds wonderful. Good luck.

leila0 −  This is how he wants the story to go: He just played the savvy, soulful boyfriend who can’t control himself around you because he loves you too much. Now he’s “let you go” as a show of his incredible spirit and love. He’s left you with inspiring words so that you think of yourself as bad for leaving someone with such a good heart–even as he’s letting you go, he STILL tells you to love yourself. How selfless!

He expects you to leave and feel terrible about it. How could you leave someone so selfless? And so, in a moment of realization, you’ll spring up from the airport and run back to him. “I don’t want someone good for me,” you’ll say. “I don’t want someone healthy. I want you.”

He wants you to choose his abuse. He wants you to think of him as a heartbreakingly selfless and good person who just can’t help himself around you because he wanted you to be an angel and if only you just hadn’t opened your mouth you might have filled his heart with pure love forever.

When you instead choose to cut all contact and never speak to him again, he will get anxious and upset. He will freak out because the story isn’t going his way. He will try to contact you again and will continue the story by telling you that he can’t live without you, he’s tried so hard to leave you alone because he KNOWS that would be beset for you, but he can’t help himself.

He’ll try so much harder next time because he really is a good person, he just can’t control himself, he promises he’ll try so hard to control himself! Don’t give in. Write your own story: a woman is lured in by an abusive man, but her spirit doesn’t break. She gets herself out and lives her life. He tries to tempt her back in but she holds strong because she knows that he won’t take care of her, SHE will take care of herself. And she becomes stronger in the end because of it, even if it scares her how much she used to love that scary, awful person.

Cypher_Shadow −  I’m glad to hear that you got out OP. There’s a few things you need to do now:

1. Self Care. Go see your doctor and get a full check.

2. Therapy. This guy has been messing with your head for months, and you may be surprised at the things you believe about the relationship.

3. Change your passwords. As mentioned in the comments for your previous post, he may have been key logging your internet activity. That includes passwords. Change all of them, even if you didn’t log into that account while there. You never know what he might have gotten access to.

4. Block him. On everything. He may try to guilt you into coming back.. 5. Hug your mum.

zwxk −  Whatever you do, stay in the airport and get on that plane. It will take a long time for you to sort through your feelings, but you will heal with time.

DONTTELLMEshowme −  Just remember…when “what ifs” c**ep in, when good memories linger, when he comes crawling back (yes, when)…. Remember.. “I escaped a p**cho unscathed.” And don’t you EVER take that lightly.

He could have really hurt you. You were isolated, vulnerable, manipulated like a marionette. There are people who have been in that exact place that have died. Be gentle with yourself in the coming weeks and months. Be smart, protect yourself, surround yourself with the best people you can find. **Block. Him. Everywhere.** **Change. Passwords. Everywhere.** Be proactive in squashing future attempts at contact, and involve the police if need be.

Rejoice and be glad, even when you don’t feel like it. Remind yourself as often as you need to that you deserve all the good things in the world, and all those things are yours for the taking.. Why?. You escaped a p**cho unscathed.. Edit: a typo and a final thought

wizardwithay −  Hey OP. I’m so glad that you’re out of there, and I have a word of warning for you. The danger about experiencing a m**ipulative and toxic relationship like this doesn’t end when the relationship does. You will always need to be mindful of the scars it will leave. I speak from experience from growing up in a m**ipulative home.

You have a wound that needs to heal, and unfortunately m**ipulative people will be able to spot it and try to open it again…whether that’s your horrible ex or someone else. Protect yourself and build up your strength.

I want to share something that happened to me that I’ve tried to always carry in my mind. One of the most easily-exploited traits that I have is that I am a people-pleaser (no matter how much I hate that side of myself, it’ll always be there a little). I’m a graduate student and once caught a student who had cheated on an assignment after I helped her and gave her an extension.

The student met with my advisor and me and tried to insinuate that it was my fault for not helping her enough. After the meeting, my advisor checked in with me to tell me I had done just fine. I told her I was trying not to second-guess myself, but that it kind of hurt when the student blamed me even though I had been trying to help her. My advisor looked at me and said, “Yeah, well… she *meant for it to hurt you*.”

I don’t know why but that was such a crystal clear moment for me. Like…somehow I can scrutinize my own actions down to the molecular level and imagine all this responsibility, but that when someone else hurts me deeply *they somehow didn’t realize it??*

**Your ex knew exactly what he was doing** and how to get into your head. Leave him to spin his wheels alone. Remember the JADE trick to dealing with manipulators – don’t justify, argue, defend, or explain. If he contacts you, he’ll make you feel like you owe him one of those things. You are under no obligation to explain yourself or say one more thing to him, but he will make you think you *want* to explain yourself. That’s a tactic too.

**Edit:** I want you to promise yourself something. If he contacts you somehow (directly, through a friend, etc), and you feel the need to argue/respond/justify yourself, *come here to do it instead.* Make another update. Don’t respond to him, but say whatever you feel like you need to say to him *to us instead.* You can get it off your chest and be heard without feeding this emotional vampire of a person, and we’ll back you up.

What are your thoughts on the user’s emotional journey and the unexpected behavior of their partner? Do you think this was a manipulative tactic, or did the partner genuinely realize it was time to let go? How would you support someone going through a similar situation? Share your insights and stories in the comments below!