Update-My wife admitted to having a drunken one night stand last week and it has turned me into a robot?

In an emotional update, a husband shares his conversation with his wife after she admitted to a one-night stand with her friend’s younger brother. Despite her tearful confession and promises of regret, he struggles to believe her version of events. He has decided to separate temporarily, with strict conditions, before deciding whether to proceed with divorce. Read the full story below.

‘ Update-My wife admitted to having a drunken one night stand last week and it has turned me into a robot?’

After reading your comments, I decided to meet with Kate but not read the email. Kate came to the house yesterday and when I opened the door she looked terrible. She tried to hug me and started mumbling apologies but I stopped her and we sat down to talk.

I started by telling Kate that I would be recording the audio of the conversation and she agreed. I then asked her to explain what happened and told her that I haven’t read the email she sent

Kate said she had been at the bar with 2 friends (I know and like both of them) and told me what she had to drink. I was surprised at how little she drank because it was the same amount we would normally drink when going for dinner, a few glasses of wine and a cocktail. She admitted she was only slightly tipsy.

One of her friends Sarah, has a younger brother Max (27M) who came to pick them up around midnight. It’s a running joke in their group that Max has had major crush on Kate since highschool and I had heard them joke about this.

The four of them went to get some food and Max then dropped each one off until it was just him and Kate. Kate said she didn’t want him to drive the 20 mins to her parents place after working all day so would just order an Uber from his apartment. She went into his apartment to order the Uber but couldn’t get one.

Max suggested she should crash in his bed and he would take the sofa, he would then drop her off in the morning. Kate refused and continued to try to find an Uber. They were sitting on Max’s bed and he kissed her. She kissed him back and they ended up having s** (she confirmed again that it was consensual) After that she broke down crying from guilt and Max took her home.

She cried for another hour then tried to call me to tell me what she had done. We had to stop a number of times because Kate kept breaking down and crying hysterically. She told me it was a huge mistake, she got caught up in the moment, it was terrible, she only loves me blah blah blah.

After she was done, I told her that her story didn’t make sense but it didn’t matter at this stage because I was done. This caused another breakdown. I told her I was going to continue with the divorce preparations but for the next month we would be separated with no contact.

I also told her that we would both remain faithful, would get a full STD panel and she would tell our mutual friends and family what happened. If she sticks to these conditions, I would be willing to meet again to see if there was any way forward other than divorce.

She enthusiastically agreed to this but made it clear that she did not expect me to stay faithful to her. I know many of you will criticise this decision but I need to be sure that divorce is the right option after I have had time to process everything that has happened. I am still 99% sure that is where we are heading but I need to be 100% certain.

Edit: just to clarify because many of you seem to be focusing on this point. I’ve had mutual friends and my wife’s family send me n**ty messages, turn up at my house etc because according to Kate, I kicked her out over an argument. My request was that Kate tells them it’s because she has been unfaithful, not a full rundown of everything that happened.

Tldr: heard the story, don’t believe it but will slow down the divorce process to see if there is any hope for the future

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Used-Tangerine-117 −  So there’s a running “joke” about this guy wanting to bang your wife.

Then in the middle of the drive home it is determined that 20 minutes is too far because he “worked all day”.

Then the solution to that ends up with them sitting on his bed…

The logic leaps for this to be believable are miles wide…. Almost 100% the sequence of events did not happen that way.

Absoma −  Cheating Partners always offer a hall pass so that they can later say they aren’t the only ones who did wrong. Don’t take her up on it.

zero_dr00l −  Her story is full of b**lshit. Like, if she was trying to find an Uber home how did they end up *on his bed*, exactly? *”Gee, maybe there’s better signal in the* ***bedroom***\*, have a seat right here and see if your phone works”?\*. o\_O

But also.,.. a 20 minute drive was too much? Why not just Uber **direct from the bar**? Did she not realize at that moment how far it was? She **knew what she was doing**, she **wanted** it, may have for *quite some time*, but then… was immediately regretful. This isn’t actual contrition. Her story is b**lshit. She is still lying to you and/or trickle-truthing you.

MrPeacock18 −  Personally, I also do not believe her story that Max made a move on her and then they had s**. No faithful married woman will walk into a guy’s bedroom, sitting on the bed next to them. That part is BS. The fact that she still cannot be honest with you after the discussion is a massive warning to you.

Dude, the trust is gone. You will never be able to have peace of mind when your wife goes out with her friends. It will drive you crazy. Even considering giving her a second chance is already the wrong thought, get that s**t out of your head. I know it is a bad idea but Max might give you a more truthful story if you can control your emotions, which is almost impossible. Anyway, stick to your divorce route, and you did an amazing job taking control of the situation

RO489 −  I don’t think getting your family in the middle of this is a wise idea, either direction it ends up going.

L3onskii −  There was another post where the husband told the wife to tell everyone of her infidelity in order to heal their marriage. She did and everyone shunned her. So essentially she got isolated and relied on the husband since she had no one else to talk to. And even after that he still was deciding if it was worth continuing with the marriage.

politicalstuff −  I’m sorry you have to deal with this, but at least you heard her out and can make an informed decision. The not wanting Max to drive a whopping 20 minutes is weird. It’s not that far. That and insisting on finding an Uber seems like pretty drunk logic. Or maybe that was an excuse to go to his place. I’d normally say that was a little paranoid but seeing as what happened maybe not.

You both know her limit better than internet strangers, but “a few” glasses of wine and a cocktail is a significant amount of booze. Depending on the timeframe and the particulars that could be pretty tipsy. Then again, over a few hours and a meal and then not so much. Again you all know her limit and tolerance more than we do.

It sucks OP. Good luck whatever you decide. It sounds like you know what you want.. **edit** Just saw OP’s edit. Not cool. He should start telling everybody what the argument was about since she hasn’t done so. I think that would be the last straw and end any possibility of reconciling.

Dry_Ask5493 −  So she was basically sober and willingly had s** with a man that has wanted her for years. She put herself alone with him in his apartment. Yeah these are all very deliberate decisions to cheat. Hard pass on this woman. The trust will never be restored and who wants to stay in a relationship where you are constantly wondering what the truth is.

Old-World2763 −  Op, consider it this way. If she told you the truth, she consciously cheated on you. It took zero convincing. She knew what she was doing. Is that going to be something you can get over? And is it even something you want to get over? You’ll just be sending a message that she can get away with it if she’s sorry enough.

The other side to this is if she lied to you. Lying on top of cheating isn’t something to work through. Read the email to see if that even matches what she told you. I’ll be honest with you here. Divorce is the right move. I understand that you have to be sure, and i understand it isn’t a small decision. But, you do need to remember that you set a hard boundary on cheating. There isn’t any nuance. She cheated.

BigMouthBillyBass999 −  Reposting my comment from your other post, as it will probably get more traction here. This was a conscious decision on her part. Considering that she was not even drunk (you mentioned that she drank very little and was only slightly tipsy), she knew EXACTLY what she was doing. After the act, the post coital dysphoria got to her.

There’s definitely more to this that she’s not telling you. If you want to get closure, she needs to tell you the exact chain of events that led her to consciously cheat on you. In my personal opinion, divorce is the only way out of this mess. Stay strong. I’m rooting for you and look forward to the next update. Also, Max is an absolute scumbag. I’m sure he was well aware of your wife’s marital status, yet did what he did anyway.

Is this decision to pause and reflect wise, or is it delaying the inevitable? How would you approach rebuilding trust—or knowing when to walk away? Share your perspective in the comments.