*UPDATE* My wife [40f] and I [40m] are having problems over one of her friends that she skis with?

A man shared an update about his marriage troubles after discovering his wife’s inappropriate behavior with a skiing friend. Despite counseling efforts, her secret late-night calls, deleted messages, and evidence of her friend’s encouragement to hide the truth revealed deeper betrayals. Ultimately, he decided to end the marriage, feeling betrayed by both her actions and the complicity of her social circle. Read the full story below.

‘ *UPDATE* My wife [40f] and I [40m] are having problems over one of her friends that she skis with?’

The funny part before the rest: I had her read the original post to show how it looked to everyone. Her palms started to get so sweaty it left a stain on the laptop. She didn’t have a lot to say about it except “wow this is a lot to process.”

We set up a counseling appointment to work on things.The working solution we had was that she would tell me when they texted each other. My wife was following through with that and I thanked her every time. I also told her if she slipped up in some way to just acknowledge it, not delete messages and what not.

The counseling session was l**e. The counselor seemed like he was on autopilot and just wanted to get to the Gottman books. We set up a couple of future appointments. She had a work trip coming up. We went skiing the day before and I took her to the airport and kissed her good bye.’

I texted her from time to time and she would send pictures of the things she was seeing but seemed a little unresponsive. I figured she was just busy with everything going on. She never called me or our daughter. She would say she was taking a bath at the end of the night.

I picked her up from the airport and brought her home and she seemed distant. i had to ask for a hug. She went skiing the next day. Things felt weird and i checked the phone bill and lo and behold she called Josh for an hour one night then he called her two other nights for a couple of hours.

I checked her Facebook. The messages from her friends were talking about how he tried to kiss her at some point. But they hadn’t cut him out of the group in anyway. Also one of her friends told her to delete messages and call logs before coming home as I might check them. These are all garbage people!

I put her stuff in garbage bags and told her off when she got home. I told her she was a c**ater and the guy was a c**ater and they deserved each other. She didn’t have much to say because she couldn’t even come up with a bad lie. Filled her car up and left.

I’m astounded at how morally bankrupt she is and her friends are as well. I’ve met these people. They know who I am and that I’m a decent guy. I just can’t imagine encouraging someone to hide immoral behavior. I asked her from the start of this mess if she wanted to exit the relationship and she said she wanted to work things out. She saw how much pain it was causing me and she kept doing it. You think you know people.

I believe she was playing me and the guy off each other. Hinting to him that our relationship wasn’t solid and maybe someday they could be a couple while also trying to reconcile with me. She’s a n**cissist and this was feeding her ego. The short term sucks because I’m stressed and it’s hurting my ability to sleep.

Sorry if some of this doesn’t make sense. I know I’ll be better in the long run but this sucks right now. It’s pretty l**e that she gets to shack up with this dirtbag and I probably won’t feel like dating for years. Anyway, once a c**ater always a c**ater. Trust your gut. I should have told her to f**k off a long time ago. Hope I don’t get destroyed in the divorce..

TL;DR gave her the boot

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

KelceStache −  Get a lawyer and start protecting yourself now. File as soon as possible so you’re not blindsided Contact should have been cut completely, and Not just telling you when she did. None. Zip. Zero.. And she just left her child?

Don’t worry about them shacking up. They won’t last. She doesn’t even know him. She only knows the version of him that wants to get in her pants. She doesn’t know the day in and day out of marriage version because he hasn’t shown that. She will realize how badly she’s messed up, but it will be too late

venturebirdday −  At least you saw the truth. It was a brutal truth but… People who need this level of attention are not partners. Remember: get checked for STD’s, change your passwords, watch your money, get copies of documents, keep a record of the transgressions you are aware of. You believed in someone who was not real. That is no crime so do not be too tough on yourself.

rulanmooge −  The garbage bags really got to me. That is exactly what I did when I found out for certain that my husband was cheating on me with a woman I considered a friend. I hated her as much as my snake of a husband.

Garbage bags until I decided it was too much work and just threw everything of his out onto the lawn and locked the doors. It hurts now. It will hurt for some time. BUT…trust me…you will heal. It takes time. Take care of you and don’t isolate yourself. Keep busy. Cut all those people who helped her cheat out of your life. Do not respond to anything from your ex. She is dead to you.

When it happened to me…it hurt. I was angry, depressed. Worried about how my daughter will be affected but realized that my pain can’t be put onto her. Game face! BUT… Looking back now, I realize that *it was the best thing that ever happened to me*.

Married now for 30 years to the most wonderful, kind, loving, supporting man. It feels like we were meant to be. We met by accident/happenstance and neither of us were even looking for a relationship. I got so lucky!. Wait and see….you can too. RE: divorce. Keep all records of her infidelity to support that you are the injured party.

Irochkka −  She didn’t even call her own daughter? I’m so sorry for all this that you’re going through

Original-King-1408 −  Well you gave her a lot more benefit of a doubt than she deserved in the first place however im glad to see how you are now handling this. Given the amount of time she spent with josh kits not clear who was the side piece and who was the main guy. Sorry Bud she is not worth losing any sleep over. I hope you have the divorce in process.. UpdateMe

Quicksilver1964 −  I had her read the original post to show how it looked to everyone. Her palms started to get so sweaty it left a stain on the laptop. She didn’t have a lot to say about it except “wow this is a lot to process.” That’s how I was 100% certain she was cheating.

QueenMother81 −  Do you have separate financials? Cause you need to make sure she doesn’t have access to anything that isn’t hers.

SenatorPardek −  As others have said; contact a lawyer immediately and strictly follow their advice regarding financials and its good that she left rather than you: makes it more likely you will keep the residence. Try and save any evidence you have of the infidelity for the divorce proceedings. This will help you in securing custody and adequate financials.

As far as you worried about her shacking up with this guy; relationships launched in infidelity rarely last. As they both are looking over each other’s shoulders knowing what the other is capable of. She clearly has been shacking up with this guy already: and it sucks. But when you are ready, you will find someone worth your time and love.

You did everything right. You gave her the benefit of the doubt, chances to change course, etc. You can hold your head high. And make sure you set the narrative, you left because you discovered an affair. Make sure her parents know. her friends know, mutuals know. be clear. dont embellish, but dont let her control the narrative either.

ShapeSweet4544 −  I just don’t understand how people do this ..is it worthy to destroy your whole relationship just for a fling with a coworker? And her friends sound like high schoolers.

I have two friends, we grew up together. When one is wrong we remind them and criticize them about it. We don’t cuddle or encourage unethical behaviors. I would never support a cheating friend. I met one like that at some point. I cut her off directly. They can be very toxic.

grumpy__g −  You won’t get destroyed in the divorce.. You will save the proof.

You will get yourself a good lawyer.

You will be better off than the guy she was writing with.

You have the chance to rebuild your life without this terrible woman.

You don’t need immediately to date.

How about taking some time to take care of yourself? Little vacation?

Betrayal by a partner and their friends can be devastating, especially when trust is broken so deeply. How would you handle a situation like this? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments.