Update: My late husband had an affair baby?

The situation has taken a significant turn, as DNA testing has confirmed that the child is indeed my late husband’s. The child, however, is currently in foster care due to the mother’s inability to provide proper care. As a result, I’ve been working with the caseworker to secure survivor benefits for the child, though the process remains complicated.

While I’m still processing all of this, including the reality of having to eventually explain this situation to my own child, I’m focused on ensuring the child’s well-being without giving the mother access to any assets. It’s been a difficult few months, and I’m still grappling with the fallout from my husband’s past actions. To read the full update, check out the original post below…

The original post was here: https://aita.pics/QnedQ

‘ Update: My late husband had an affair baby?’

So, it is his child. Or at least there’s enough shared DNA to determine that my in-laws are the grandparents and there’s no way that it’s their other son’s. The biggest update is that the mother doesn’t currently have custody. I’m still a bit unsure of the timeline, but there might have already been a CPS case open when she first contacted me. She’s apparently a fan of the same illicit substances that my husband was. That would explain how they met.

Unfortunately, that means that the child is now in foster care. My in-laws were not deemed an appropriate placement, and I won’t do it. I have been working with the caseworker with regards to getting social security benefits for the child.

In my state, survivor benefits offset any child support obligations, so even if there was an estate, the SS benefits most likely exceed the amount he would owe based on his work history prior to d**th. This hasn’t effect my own child’s benefits.

I still haven’t determined exactly what I will do with this information going forward. I have set aside some money in an online savings account, but it’s still in my name. Until the mother’s rights are completely terminated or the child ages out of the system, I don’t want anything that would possibly giver her access to it.

I will also eventually have to tell my child that there is a sibling out there. I’ve been through the ringer over the last couple of months and I’m still just so f**king mad that I’m still cleaning up my husband’s mess.

Check out how the community responded:

experiment_ad_4 −  Wow, I can’t imagine how hard this has been for you, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You’re not just managing the fallout of your late husband’s actions—you’re also being incredibly thoughtful about protecting your child and this other child’s future, all while trying to navigate your own emotions.

I think it’s really commendable that you’re ensuring the child gets the social security benefits they’re entitled to, even though you’re under no obligation to do so. Setting aside money for their future is above and beyond, especially given the situation with the mother. Keeping it in your name until things stabilize sounds like the smart and safe call.

When the time comes to tell your child about their sibling, I hope you have support to help navigate that conversation. You’ve already shown so much strength and grace in a really unfair situation. Don’t forget to give yourself space to process everything—you deserve peace after everything you’ve been through. You’re doing amazing, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Rare-Humor-9192 −  It sounds like you’re making the best of a bad situation. Hang in there.

Happyweekend69 −  My affair siblings came out of the woodworks demanding money that my dad didn’t owe when he was dead. My mom who hasn’t been with him for over 20+ years paid for the funeral and sending him back to his parents in another country even though the last person who had been with him was their druggie mom.

Somehow they were convinced my dad was somehow a hidden millionaire that just lived in a shelter for funsies or something with the way they acted. The man had nothing, I didn’t even get s**t. I’m saying this to warn you they may one day show up, demanding s**t, mine sure did even though none of them lived with their mom as CPS also had taken them when they were babies. They where send my mother dearest. Best of luck OP, protect your kid 

74Magick −  That just sucks. I would have dug him up to beat him down.

HabsMan62 −  For all of the ppl saying that OP should take and raise the baby, there is a really important thing to consider: since the mother was a d**g addict, it is highly likely that the baby will have some effects.

My mother fostered children for many years, including babies, many with fetal alcohol syndrome or suffering from withdrawal from c**aine or other drugs. They can be very difficult to control, while other effects are not immediately noticeable, but appear later as learning disabilities at school age.

My mother adopted a baby boy whose c**aine addicted mother had him and then disappeared from the hospital, where he was for three weeks before my mother took him. He required 24hr care due to withdrawals, and suffered from FAS and other learning disabilities. He’s a grown man now (and is awesome), but my late mother ended up retiring at age 55 in order to care for him. You just never know what the commitment might be.

Shandry13 −  Take a breath. Wow that was a lot for you to go through. Hugs. Mad props to you for handling things the way you did with class and heart. It’s easy to get weighed down with the anger and betrayal. You’re thinking ahead for your own child’s benefit and that of their half sibling. I can only hope if I faced the same situation I would have half your courage. Hugs again.

Extension_Camel_3844 −  Massive Hugs to you Mama. I cannot imagine what you are going through and I don’t think I would be handling it with as much grace as you are.

Starry-Eyed-Owl −  How did his parents react when they found out? In your last post you said you were still trying to maintain a good image for him with them. Sorry you’ve had to go through this.

Br4z3nBu77 −  Updateme! You are going to do what you have to do for you and your children. It would be saintly to take in the affair baby but not doing so will not cause anyone to look sideways at you for not. Also, if the mother is as bad as you indicated, taking the child in could open your family up to harassment from her. In time, when you do inform your kids, it would behoove you to facilitate a relationship between them.

EnvironmentOk5610 −  OP, you’re a good egg! Dammit, every damned thing is making me tear up right now–I know it’s other big life things I have going on just kind of bursting through the seams weirdly, but I was just done in by an Etsy artist painting deceased family pets on ornaments, and now you–being so kind and thoughtful after being so colossally blindsided by your uberstinker of a deceased husband. Hold on, keep loving on your kid and keep being you–you’re doing awesome, and I believe karma will reward you with much better days ahead!