Update : My husband is in love with his student. I have no f**king idea what to do.

A Reddit user provided an update on her painful journey after discovering her husband’s emotional entanglement with a student. Despite his attempts to explain and offer compromises, she has decided to move forward with a divorce, prioritizing her dignity and peace of mind. Read the original story below for the full details.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/xFvHP

‘ Update : My husband is in love with his student. I have no f**king idea what to do.?’

In short, I have decided to go ahead with the divorce. Long story: The day I made the post, I met up with Sarah for dinner. I thanked her for telling me about my husband and the student, and also for being such a good friend. I asked her about my husband. She said there’s nothing unusual.

He’s been a bit withdrawn and aloof with everyone lately but that’s about it. Yesterday I went over to my house unannounced. He was there alone in his office. I told him I wanted to talk. He said he’ll explain everything.

So apparently this woman has had a crush on him since two years; her friends ‘ship’ her with him. She would stare at him during her rotations and would blush whenever he looked or talked to her. Back then, he didn’t think much of it. Many girls have had crushes on him and he always ignored it.

About 1.5 years back, they were in the same research group thing (I don’t know how this works but there were 5-6 people along with these two). Because of this, they had to spend some time together working, and it was then that he started noticing her.

He went into detail about how he was impressed with her intelligence blah blah blah and her beauty blah blah blah. The moment he realised that he had a crush on her, he dropped out of the research thing. This was a year ago. Few weeks later, she gave him the letter confessing that she has feelings for him.

The first thing he told her after reading it was ‘you can get into trouble because of this’. She didn’t care. She wanted an answer. ‘Is it all in my head’ she had asked, to which he replied with ‘it’s not just in your head, but nothing can come out of it. I hope you understand.’

That was the last time they interacted. According to him, the ‘yearning looks’ Sarah described were more of ‘awkward eye contacts’ than anything else. He told me that even though he is *still attracted* to her, he has no intention of pursuing any sort of relationship with her regardless whether we stay together or not.

He said he’s willing to change his job and go to therapy. I told him to give me sometime to think about it.. To sum up; 1. This has been going on since three years. Not once did he mention anything to me.

2. The student and him spent a considerable amount of time last year working on the research. 3. He told her he liked her back lol. 4. He’s still very much attracted to her

And that’s why I’ve decided to go ahead with a divorce. I don’t think I can trust this man again. And a relationship without trust isn’t something I am interested in. I’ve told my parents about it.

They’re not exactly on board but they’re still supportive. I’ve also contacted my lawyer about the same. It’s gonna be a long process, I believe. That’s it. I believe this is my last update.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

theficklemermaid −  What stands out to me is he could have nipped this in the bud, since nothing could happen then when she asked if it was all in her head, he could’ve said yes and he has no interest then acted completely professionally instead of sending mixed messages.

If it would bother him to lie to her well, he has been lying to you by omission for years by not mentioning this. He let this carry on and now you know, suddenly he can change his job and get therapy, but it seems like too little too late. I would also have trouble letting this go.

Since again, the longing has been going on for years! Even if it wasn’t acted on, the feelings were indulged more than they should have been, and he’s only thinking of solutions to the problem now he has to rather than being proactive. I understand why this is an issue for you.

allbutluk −  Lmao these d**bass comments “you too hasty its a cruuuuush chill”. Like stfu the man literally said “I CANT GET HER OUT OF MY HEAD”. If he was commited to his wife he would have changed job PROACTIVELY not wait until now

He let it develop to a point he cant take his mind off of her and yall saying its no big deal, you guys obviously never had a real relationship

[Reddit User] −  Life is too short to spend it in agony.

scurvy4all −  You do what is right for you.

Advanced-Ad9658 −  So the student tried to break up a marriage and he didn’t get mad at her over it, didn’t threaten to report, didn’t ask her to transfer/didn’t transfer himself. For all the people saying “it’s just a crush” it’s really weird to me how they see a “harmless” crush going on for years where both parties know they like each other.

This is a recipe for disaster. Like the girl wouldn’t swoop in if your marriage had a crisis. This is why you tell your partner if things go too far – the letter was too far, his “i can’t stop thinking about her” was too far.

If he cheated everyone would be telling you he is an i**ot because he let the situation go long enough to lead to it and it’s his fault and not an accident. Years-long crushes don’t just evaporate on their own. 

dlotaury88 −  The thing that makes me say this is unacceptable was the reaction when you told him. If he really wasn’t trying to implode his marriage for that girl, when his wife asked about it, that should’ve been his wake up call. Instead, he took the opportunity to introduce the idea of this woman as a love interest.

What man would do that to a woman he really wants to stay with? I feel like he took that chance to start the process of making wife leave. I think he is doing all the right things to ‘stay innocent’ but he’s hoping the wife just divorces so he can be with this girl.

3 year is a very long time to have a crush. The fact that he never tried to remove himself before now, speaks volumes. He would’ve told you about the letter if he was loyal. I don’t think you’re wrong. I think most people don’t know what loyalty looks like.

crockofpot −  her friends ‘ship’ her with him.. GROSS

noetjes −  I’m proud of you, stranger. You have a marvelous spine. You will get through this and there’s happiness on the other side. 

EnlightenmentAddict −  Idk, the way I see it, he addressed it to the best of his ability. He told her no and that they could never be. He dropped out of the research as soon as it became a boundary crossing, and he adjusted his contact with her.

When you asked the questions, he answered honestly, even if it was something you didn’t want to hear. I don’t fault people for being attracted to someone, it’s what they do with those thoughts and feelings.

Not saying you shouldn’t leave, do you. But I just feel that keeping it from you isn’t as much of a violation as you’re taking it because he did make plenty attempts to reduce contact and adjust his behavior.

Quitting a job over someone crossing boundaries? Especially when he’s invested years and alot of money in medical school? That’s asking a lot. there are some positives here. but ultimately do what you feel is best.

I-Really-Hate-Fish −  Obviously, you shouldn’t stay married to him if you don’t want to, but don’t divorce just because reddit tells you to do it. Personally, I think it’s pretty normal to develop crushes even when being married. It’s what you do, or don’t do about it that matters. I also haven’t told my husband when I had a crush on someone else.

It would be irrelevant to our relationship because I had absolutely no intention to act on it. The intensity of our love has gone through ups and downs. Such is the nature of life-long relationships, but I know I’ll stay loyal,

because no matter where we’ve been or what we’ve gone through, I love him and I don’t want anyone else. As such, telling my husband would *only* serve to hurt him. There’s literally no other purpose. And why the f**k would I want to do that?

I love him. If he asks, I won’t lie to him, but I’m not going to go out of my way to tell him something that’ll hurt him when it has no real consequences. It’s been about 10 years since that crush came and went. It’s barely a blip on the radar. Our marriage is going amazingly these days.

Do you agree with the Redditor’s decision to end her marriage, or do you believe trust could have been rebuilt with time and effort? How would you navigate such a deeply emotional and challenging situation? Share your thoughts below!