UPDATE: My husband [34M] bought a house without telling me [27F] and now expects us to live in it.

A Reddit user (27F) shares a promising update after discovering her husband (34M) had bought a house without consulting her. Following heartfelt discussions, boundaries were set, compromises were made, and a path forward emerged. Read on to learn how they navigated this rocky situation and found common ground.

‘ UPDATE: My husband [34M] bought a house without telling me [27F] and now expects us to live in it.’

I have what I consider to be a pretty happy update, but considering how many people would calling for me to divorce my husband in the last post, maybe you guys won’t feel the same. We sat down and had long talk last night and again this morning.

I told my husband, in no uncertain terms, that this had been a huge breach of trust and I was in no way happy with the fact that he bought this house. I had called my parents before and figured out how much it cost them to renovate a lot of the rooms in their house, as well as how long they estimated it took.

I showed him those numbers and I could tell that that made it really sink in just how much work he had signed himself up for. All of this finally sobered him up and he apologized for doing this.

He said he understands why I didn’t want it, and he understood that I wanted no part in the renovations, but he still loves this house and thinks he can renovate it to the point that I will love it, too. And to be fair to him, the house does have nice bones. It’s in a good area, and the idea of being able to hand-pick everything and change a few things around to exactly what we want does appeal to me a *little* bit. So I agreed to keep the house.

With that decision, though, comes the condition that he will be doing *all* the renovations by himself. It will come from his pocket, he will do all the work, deal with hiring any contractors needed, everything. We agreed on a few major things that need to be done by the end of this year to make the house livable without it being a total construction zone.

The only involvement I will have in the renovations will be input on paint colors, flooring, and fixtures. If he has the major projects we agreed on done by the end of the year, we will move in and I have agreed that I will help a little, but the house will not take up all of our free time. As soon as it does, I am done.

In the meantime, we will be keeping the apartment. That is where we’ll be living for the rest of this year. We agreed on a maximum amount that either of us can spend without consulting the other person. He has agreed to go to marital counseling with me so that we can figure out a better way to communicate so that this never happens again.

All in all, I’m pretty happy with it. I’m still kind of pissed at him and won’t be lovey-dovey for a quite a while, but I can be in the same room as him without wanting to snap his head off. He’s still my husband and I still love him. Hopefully in 20 years this will just be something that makes me roll my eyes when I remember it.

I’m not looking forward to the coming months of renovations, but I’m glad that I don’t have to be a part of it. He can spend his weekends ripping up carpet and insulating walls. I’ll be in the San Juan Islands whale-watching and getting drunk on vineyard tours.. Thanks to everyone for your help.

**tl;dr**: We’re keeping the house and have some new “rules” to assure that this doesn’t happen again. Not looking forward to renovations, but I don’t have to do any of it so I think this is the best compromise.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

justagirlinid −  good for you. Hopefully you end up with a house that you both love.

[Reddit User] −  Just remember, you’re giving him an opportunity to prove himself and undo his fuckup, not a new get out of fuckup free cards.

newspaper_marmalade −  Good for you. My dad actually did something like this to my step-mom about ten years ago and bought a terribly gross and destroyed foreclosed home for dirt cheap on a ton of land without consulting her at all.

Now, she jokes about how she nearly left him, or killed him, over that decision, and the house is beautiful and exactly what they want. I wish you the best of luck in the future, and hope you’ll be able to eventually joke about it too!

DukeReginald −  If you’re happy (and being treated well) that’s what matters. Good luck, and please invite me on your San Juan vineyard tours. That sounds amazing and we can talk about our husbands.

Upallnight88 −  One positive note to your compromise is that it is much faster and easier to renovate a house with no one living in it. But it does take a great deal of time as you know.

black_rose_ −  I’m still kind of pissed at him and won’t be lovey-dovey for a quite a while, but I can be in the same room as him without wanting to snap his head off. He’s still my husband and I still love him. This is a real marriage. It’s not all sunshine and roses, but if you can weather the storms it will last.

zuesk134 −  girl………he won’t be doing all the work himself. he won’t be paying for it all himself. this is like when a mom gets her kids a puppy because ‘they will be taking care of it!!’ and shes the one walking it in the pouring rain.. good luck i guess

myshitsmellslikeshit −  You’d better pray he’s not the type of person to be satisfied with living in a pile of unmounted drywall, exposed wires, and n**ed support beams.

tortiecat_tx −  So, *was* u/throwthehouseather your husband?

hariseldon2 −  You know he won’t be doing it all on his own don’t you?

This story highlights the importance of open communication, compromise, and shared goals in a marriage. While trust may have been shaken, the couple’s willingness to work together—setting boundaries and seeking counseling—showcases a healthy approach to resolving conflict. What’s your take on navigating such complex marital challenges? Share your insights below!