UPDATE: My girlfriend (25F) repeatedly insists that I ‘re-do’ my proposal over and over. I’m running out of patience.
A Redditor (24M) shares an update on his relationship after confronting his girlfriend (25F) about her repeated requests for him to “re-do” his proposal. After several attempts, they have an honest conversation, and his girlfriend reveals she had been planning to propose to him later this year. Now, they’ve agreed to work together to create a proposal that’s special for both of them. Read the full story below:
‘ UPDATE: My girlfriend (25F) repeatedly insists that I ‘re-do’ my proposal over and over. I’m running out of patience.’
After thinking a lot about the responses I received, I decided to sit my girlfriend down and draw a line in the sand. I told her that after 4 proposals, I’m lost and confused as to what she wants, and if she has a ‘dream proposal’ in mind she had to tell me exactly what she wants so I could make this work.
My girlfriend looked somewhat nervous at that so I pushed her to communicate properly. She apologised again for not accepting my proposals earlier, but said that in 2019 she was still testing out our relationship and so when I asked her to marry me, she said ‘try again’ rather than yes in the hope that I’d wait longer.
From her perspective, while she had responded positively to the idea of marriage prior to this, it had still been too soon for real engagement. I will admit that I’m not the best at reading social subtext if it’s not stated directly so I could have missed the implication when she asked for a different proposal.
When I later asked her in February, she knew I was the one but was telling the truth about being too anxious to consider marriage. She actually confessed that she’s planning on proposing to ME later this year, sometime around when we were planning to fly to my home country.
She had been trying to keep it a surprise, but we’ve now agreed that it’s better we’re both on the same page when it comes to proposing. We’ve decided that we’re both going to sit down and work together to make the proposal special for both of us.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
[Reddit User] − I’m happy it was all sorted out, but why didn’t she just say that in the first place? Doesn’t, “I love you and want to spend my life with you, but I’m not ready for marriage yet,” sound better than, “You should do something more elaborate so it’s a better story for our kids someday,”? In addition to all the money spent! I hope she remembers this the next time she’s “hinting” at something!
ThrowItTheFuckAway17 − I will admit that I’m not the best at reading social subtext if it’s not stated directly so I could have missed the implication when she asked for a different proposal. Almost anyone would’ve missed that subtext. It’s hard to hit the ball when the pitcher’s throwing it in the opposite direction. She demonstrated terrible communication skills and the two of you may wanna work on that going forward.
kiko-m − So while she was “testing your relationship”, she was letting you spend time, money, and effort on multiple proposals? Getting your proposal rejected is extremely disheartening, yet she continued to do so while stringing you along with “yes, but’s”. If she wasn’t ready she should’ve just said so instead of wasting your money and effort. She certainly should’ve realized that before the FOURTH PROPOSAL.
[Reddit User] − Four propsals, including one with a 5 star hotel, opera quartet, and photographer, and now she is planning her own proposal to you because you still don’t consider yourselves engaged? Seriously? This is either total b**lshit or you two are in no way ready to actually be married.
An engagement happens ONCE. Hey, do you want to marry me? Yes? Great! We’re engaged. That’s it. That’s how it works. If you two can’t figure that out, your wedding(s) and marriage will be total clusterfucks. And I say *weddings* because I can see her saying ‘oh, no, that wedding didn’t count. It was just practice.’
[Reddit User] − She apologised again for not accepting my proposals earlier, but said that in 2019 she was still testing out our relationship and so when I asked her to marry me, she said ‘try again’ rather than yes in the hope that I’d wait longer. Why did you not press further on this? What does her “testing the relationship” even mean in this context?
I’m not sure why everyone is so happy about this “happy” update. Sounds like she didn’t want to marry you and let you down softly. And is still trying to let you down softly when you press. Don’t be surprised when she doesn’t show up @ the altar on the day of your wedding.
DylanHate − Buddy, someone can be a great friend and a good person, but that doesn’t mean they’re a good life partner. Your girlfriend is incapable of being honest when it comes to difficult conversations. She spent a year lying to you about her intentions.
You are so young, you have *no idea* what kind of stress life will throw your way. Job loss, unexpected deaths, physical or mental illness, healthy children, sick children, dying family members, fidelity issues etc. Your girlfriend couldn’t even be honest about a very simple fact — that she didn’t feel ready for marriage.
All she had to do was be honest and say, “Hey, I really love you and marriage is definitely something I see for us in the future, but I’m not ready *right now*.” It’s not hard and she was under no pressure to say otherwise. Instead she lied, over and over and made up a bunch of lies as to why she rejected your proposal.
The whole time you were planning and organizing and spending an absolute fortune on these proposals, she *knew* she still wasn’t ready and was going to say no.
She might not be a bad person, but she’s not a good partner and she proved this by taking the easy way out and repeatedly lied to you.
How can you even trust this person? What are you going to do if there’s ever a question of fidelity? Because now you know *for a fact* she will easily lie to avoid even a slightly uncomfortable conversation. I wish you best of luck in your eventual divorce.
JoseMurinho − we’re both going to sit down and work together to make the proposal special. Oh I am so sorry for you. You seem like a nice fellow so I wish you the best of luck in future.
[Reddit User] − This doesn’t sound right to me. She was testing out the relationship for 2 years? I get not being ready to marry, but to be testing it out… It doesn’t seem right, especially when you say that she was planning to propose to you. This isn’t honest information.
theironfist29 − I mean, is it a good sign if one side is ready to propose and the other is still “testing the waters”?
[Reddit User] − Dude what the f**k is your problem? Do you have any idea how much s**t like this you are going to have to deal with if you commit to forever with this woman?
Sometimes, the most meaningful moments in a relationship come when both partners are open and transparent. How do you think couples can better communicate their expectations for big life moments like proposals? Share your thoughts below!