[UPDATE] my fiance is considering breaking off our engagement, AITAH here?
Sometimes life takes an unexpected twist that forces you to reconsider everything you thought you knew. Our OP, a resilient woman in her late 20s, recently experienced a dramatic shift in her engagement when her fiancé—after a tumultuous series of events—decided to break things off.
After nearly a week of no contact, he called her while intoxicated, declaring he was moving to New York and that “we are over.” It was a shock that left her reeling and forced her to confront a painful truth about their relationship.
‘[UPDATE] my fiance is considering breaking off our engagement, AITAH here?’
Expert Opinion:
Navigating sudden relationship breakdowns can be immensely challenging, particularly when they are intertwined with career decisions and family pressures. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned expert in relationship dynamics, has observed that “clear communication and established boundaries are vital in protecting one’s emotional well‑being during times of change” (Gottman Institute). In our OP’s case, the abruptness of her fiancé’s decision highlights a deeper issue: a failure to align on life goals and a lack of compromise.
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson notes, “When external influences—such as family opinions and career opportunities—undermine a relationship, it’s often a sign that foundational values and mutual understanding are missing.”
For our OP, her fiancé’s sudden shift toward New York wasn’t solely about a job offer; it was about external pressures from his mother and even his best friend, which led him to believe that sacrificing personal happiness was necessary to avoid feeling guilty. His demand that she give up her pets, symbols of her personal life and comfort, further illustrates the imbalance in what he was willing to compromise on.
Dr. Michael P. Nichols, a family counselor, adds that “sacrifice in relationships should be mutual and based on shared priorities, not imposed one-sidedly.” Research in the Journal of Family Psychology has shown that when one partner consistently devalues the contributions of the other, resentment builds and can ultimately lead to a breakdown in communication.
In this case, our OP’s decision to stand her ground reflects not only a desire to protect her personal interests but also an effort to prevent a future where she is forced to sacrifice everything for a relationship that no longer feels equitable.
Ultimately, experts suggest that while heartbreak is inevitable, using it as an opportunity to reassert your values and reimagine your future can be a powerful step toward healing. For our OP, focusing on her personal growth—whether that means moving toward a dream farm or simply prioritizing her well‑being—is a proactive response to a painful ending.
Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:
Many redditors empathize with our OP, with one commenter noting, “If you’re forced to give up everything for someone else, you’re better off forging your own path.” Another user remarked, “Breaking up is never easy, but if he wasn’t willing to meet you halfway, you did yourself a favor.” A third comment summed it up by saying, “When your fiancé demands sacrifices that strip you of who you are, it’s time to hit the brakes.” Lastly, a redditor humorously added, “It sounds like he wanted a ‘miserable but together’ life—good thing you refused that deal.”
In conclusion, our OP’s journey through heartbreak reveals a complex web of external pressures, unmet expectations, and a stark realization about self-worth. While her fiancé’s decision to break off their engagement might have been influenced by career opportunities and family meddling, it ultimately left her with the opportunity to rebuild her life on her own terms.
Do you think it’s justified to stand firm on your values even if it means ending a relationship, or should compromise always be the route? Share your thoughts and experiences below—what would you do if you found yourself at a similar crossroads?