[UPDATE] my fiance is considering breaking off our engagement, AITAH here? ?

A Reddit user (29F) shared an update on her engagement break-up with her fiancé (36M) after a series of revelations. Her fiancé, who had been ignoring her and asking her to make sacrifices (including getting rid of her chickens), revealed that he was struggling with his decision to turn down a job offer in New York after being influenced by his mother and her best friend.

The user discovered that her fiancé was trying to make her feel miserable to ease his own regret and had no real issue with her chickens. He eventually decided to break off the engagement and move to New York, taking a worse job, and left his dog with her. Now, she is focusing on herself, her farm dreams, and her new dog. Read the full story below.

‘ [UPDATE] my fiance is considering breaking off our engagement, AITAH here? ?’

I guess this does not come as a surprise to anyone, me included, but we broke up. There is A LOT more to the story than what i knew and honestly im still trying to process everything that has happened. After almost a week of no contact, he called me on Friday and told me he wanted to talk to me as soon as possible so i told him to wait for me in my house and i would go there once i was done with work.

I got home at 9pm and i found him drunk on my couch crying while hugging his dog, why was his dog in my house? i had no clue either. By the time i got home, he was way too drunk to have a conversation with me so i put him to sleep and decided we would talk the next day.

I woke up first so i started cleaning the kitchen (which he made a mess trying to find any alcohol) but at some point he came in, looked at me straight in the eyes and told me “i’m moving to New York, we are over,” before even saying good morning. After that he tried to leave but i grabbed him and asked him to explain himself.

We talked, and he finally explained himself. He told me how before everything happened, he thought about living in a farm and how the more he thought about it the more he liked it, and that he was thinking about suggesting it to me again (after he said that there was no way he could live that way and to just forget about it) .

After that he told me everything that has been happening recently. Apparently, a day before he started ignoring me, his boss told him that there was a vacancy on a role he could take in the main office in New York (he was working on a branch in our city) and he asked for a day to think about it, but he really wanted to take it .

He talked to his mom about it, and she told him that it was good and that we both could move to New York together and start there as a new family. After that, he decided to call MY best friend (idk why) and she told him that i would never approve of moving to New York and he shouldn’t even suggest it because i would get mad, that he should either move alone or reject the job, but not tell me (this makes me sound horrible, but i swear i can in fact communicate, i do not know why she says that).

After that he called his mom AGAIN and told her that he was moving to New York alone and breaking off our engagement, and his mom told him that it was a horrible idea and that he should just reject the offer because he was getting old and needed to start a family soon.

Mind you this man is pushing 30 and still doing everything his mom tells him, so of course he decided to do just that. The next day he rejected the offer, and that’s when he started ignoring me.

During the week he was ignoring me, he thought about everything and decided that the best idea was to make me sacrifice things too, until he didn’t feel bad about rejecting the job offer anymore (miserable but together basically? lmfao), so everything started with asking me to get rid of the chickens.

He called me s**fish because he gave up a lot for me but i wasn’t willing to give up my pets for him (mind u i did not know he had rejected the job offer), and he asked for time to think about our engagement because he didn’t feel better about anything after telling me to give up something, and he had to think about how far he should go to feel better about rejecting the job offer, or if he would feel better at all after i gave up almost everything for him(the audacity of this man LMFAO).

So basically, the chickens were never an issue he was just trying to make me feel miserable because he was. On Friday he came to the conclusion that he did not hold enough power over me to make me give up everything for him (finally) so he decided to just move to New York alone and break up with me.

He contacted his boss to ask if the job offer was still valid, but after two weeks, it obviously wasn’t, but there was a lower position available (worse than his current job) and since he had already made up his mind he just took it. That’s when he called me and told me he needed to talk to me ASAP.

He went home, picked up his dog (too big to bring to an apartment, so he’s just “getting rid of it” by giving it to me, said by him) and came to my house to drink everything i had in my home. After telling me all of this he decided it was an amazing idea to ask for the ring back but after everything he said there’s no way i was not selling it and taking the money.

That’s the situation we are in now, he left after that and, obviously left the dog in my house. This weekend was hard It’s weird to go from engaged to single but it’s better to break it off now than when i’ve given up everything for him and we have children stuck in the middle of everything.

I’m also trying to figure out whether my best friend is really my best friend or not (i did not go into detail but this b**ch dragged me through the mud to my ex) but that’s another story. I also contacted my boss today and asked if there was any possibility of working from home full time ( i currently wfh four days a week and go to the office on Friday) and it might be possible in a few months so im very excited to move further away from the city and getting my dream farm.

Hopefully i find a farm man to build my dream farm and a big family with hahaha, but for now im focusing on myself and my chickens, and im going to buy a coop like those in movies with seats for each one of them that look like a little house because after all this i feel like i deserve it.

Anyways Im doing better than i expected and im loving having his St bernard in my house, it makes it feel a lot fuller and i love it. I don’t know if anyone wanted an update but thats it, hope you enjoy. If anyone has any tips on how to get over all of this let me know hahaha.

Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:

virtualchoirboy −  NTA. So, I know it sucks, but this is the right outcome although maybe not for the reason you think. This year was 29 years married for me and if there’s one thing I know a long marriage needs, it’s communication. He spent all that time wrestling with the prospect of moving to NY for a better job but not once did he bother to think to actually talk to you about it. That’s not a good partner. That’s not a partner at all. That’s someone who still has a lot of growing to do.. Edit: clarification

No_Use_9124 −  NTA D**p your friend. She’s a b**ch who sabotaged your relationship. Yes, he shld have spoken to you directly but if you can’t trust her, you can’t be friends.
It’s for the best, otherwise, it sounds like, even though I’m sure it hurts. I’m sorry. I hope you both find the right people to be with, if that’s what you want.

Ok_Structure4685 −  Yeah… that friend probably not only planted the idea but also nurtured and cultivated it long before. She destroyed a fool and the relationship of ‘her best friend

Material_Cellist4133 −  Umm… You need a new best friend. That person isn’t your friend,

Odd_Instruction519 −  Why wouldn’t he even suggest moving to NY together? This is extremely weird.

SteampunkHarley −  Sounds like you, the dog, and the chickens are all better off

Just_Explorer_6140 −  That girl is not your friend btw , she broke the girl code . U need to drop her too

CrazyOldBag −  OP, I don’t know where you live, but you’re going to be fine. Somewhere out there is a man who thinks chickens are cute like puppies and dreams of a life in the country as being his own little paradise. You WILL find each other and be able to build the dream together. I firmly believe this.

Enjoy your newfound freedom. Don’t settle for someone who “might” be okay — wait until the right one comes along and sweeps you (and your chickens!) off your feet.
Good luck, and I’m wishing you much happiness.

scarletnightingale −  Does your friend hate you or something?

HugeAreolas_ −  Wow, sounds like you’re keeping your enemies close..

Do you think the user’s fiancé was justified in his actions, or did he manipulate the situation out of guilt? What would you do if your best friend interfered in such a way? Share your thoughts and advice below!