UPDATE: My (40m) ex wife (40f) wants me to be with her in her last days

A Redditor shared an update on his decision to visit his terminally ill ex-wife, respecting both her wish to reconnect and his current family’s boundaries. After heartfelt discussions with his wife and sister, he reunited with his ex, finding closure and a sense of peace. Read the original story below to see how this emotional journey unfolded.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/UDWZD

‘ UPDATE: My (40m) ex wife (40f) wants me to be with her in her last days’

It’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve posted and a lot has happened since. I got some solid advice from a lot of you guys, especially some who messaged me their personal experiences. I’d like to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart.. So here’s what happened…

As many of you guys suggested, I talked to my wife. We had a long discussion about the whole situation and I assured her that no matter what, she is and always will be my first priority. I also assured her that while I wanted to say my good-bye, I would never act like her husband.

It would be more like me seeing a childhood friend or something like that. I also told her I would never spend the night nor would I be alone with her. She was more comfortable after our talk and was pretty ok with the idea of me seeing my ex again.

As you guys guessed, she really felt like she was forced into being ok with it when my sister asked but this time, she really was ok.
So I talked to my sister and after a long, long heated discussion about what my “role” would be in the visit, she agreed to the boundaries my wife and I set.

A week later my sister and I came over to our old marital home. It was surreal cause while the emotions from years before came back to me, I didn’t feel any sadness nor h**red or anything negative. I saw my ex, who was waiting for us in the living room and she cried when I walked in.

Most of you suggested she was faking it but while she was still strong, you could tell almost immediately something was wrong with her. I indulged her with a hug and we talked for a few hours while my sister made lunch. I showed her pictures of my kids and told her stories about what they’re like.

Honestly, I didn’t know how I would react after I saw her again but it just feels like seeing an old friend you haven’t seen in a long time. There was no hate or anything like that. I walked around the house and it was pretty much the way it was when I left over a decade ago.

Im not really sure how I feel about our wedding photos still framed and pictures of us still all over the house but it wasn’t really my place to say anything. The three of us had lunch and played board games all afternoon. It honestly felt like we were back to when we were kids and the three of us would hang out together. It was nice.

I left at around 6. She was sad but she understood. When I hugged her good-bye, she whispered “I love you” to me but then said how she’s happy I was able to find the happiness she couldn’t give me. That part got to me to be honest and I was fighting back tears.

I told her I’d see her again soon and she asked if I could bring my kids next time. I told her I would and left to pick up dinner for my family. I told my wife everything that happened and she was quite happy about the outcome. I guess it helped that I brought home her favorite food but she also agreed to let me bring the kids next time.

Overall, it was a great experience seeing her again. I feel like I needed that and would’ve regretted not doing so. Again, I’d like to thank everyone who gave me advice. Also, please don’t roast my ex too much. She made a mistake and paid the price but it doesn’t mean shes an evil person.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

joe-dirt-1001 −  As you noted in the OP, you were over the marriage. No reason not to be there for a friend. I’m glad you went through with it.

Airrfit −  Made me upset that everyone was responding that you shouldn’t do it because “there wasn’t anything in it for you.” Thanks for doing something anyway OP. It was a nice thing to do and brought a dying woman some happiness.

Orange_Adept −  You should thank your current wife. Flowers, card, something for being strong enough to handle it.

SweetDangus −  My goodness, what a good outcome. I.. might be crying a bit over here.

xtlou −  In some cultures, when you’ve got a terminal illness, doctors don’t tell you: they tell your family and allow your family to decide whether or not to tell you the prognosis. In those cultures, without the knowledge of d**th imposing on life,

patients report higher qualities of life (less depression, less stress, for example) than patients with similar diagnosis and prognosis in places where they are fully informed. Patients also tend to live longer in the former.

Meanwhile, there are people like Jon Kabat-Zinn who found that patients who learn mindfulness meditation also report higher quality of life and have longer lives despite terminal diagnosis. What some scientists and doctors believe is that the mind has the ability to drive the success of treatment or the damage of disease.

This isn’t saying “you can will away a terminal disease” but more “your mindset can help your body by way of hormones” or ‘your mindset can create additional havoc by way of hormones.” When I imagine spending my life in a living mausoleum of the one great relationship I had, knowing that I ruined with it cheating, it feels absolutely crushing.

Ten years. Ten years of looking at your photos, remembering the life she had and threw away. An entire lifetime of a relationship, ruined. Here, in the last months her life, the thing she wanted most was to be able to have new memories with you.

Surrounded by daily reminders of her mistakes, knowing how she hurt you, and being so close to how you have a life she wanted (even if she is the one who messed it up) so much can’t have been healthy.

I applaud you for putting the relationship you had with your friend over the negativity she caused as your wife in order to practice empathy. it’s a great tribute to the relationship you have with your current wife that she understood and feels comfortable enough in your marriage to allow it.

tercer78 −  Why not bring your wife next time? It seems like she can handle it and the ex can see how well y’all get along together.

ToTTenTranz −  Anyone looking at the replies in the original post would know that this sub’s most popular answers can be pretty terrible advises.

AusFrosty −  Thank you for your update. 100% I think you did the right thing

Right_Gas −  Why would you bring your kids though? Especially without your wife? Does your ex want to pretend they’re hers or something?? Like I’d understand if she wanted to meet your family including your wife, but she doesn’t, she wants you to bring your kids over.

And think about the kids for a second, do you think they will enjoy going over to a dying stranger’s house? Do they like hanging around with terminally ill strangers, is that a fun day activity for them?

Will you make a habit out of treating your children like emotional support dogs, sending them around to people’s houses to make them feel better?? As someone else said, yeah she’s dying but she doesn’t have to get everything she wants. You’ve done her a massive favour already.

[Reddit User] −  I’m glad that went well but why do you want to bring your kids but not your wife? Your ex has no business meeting your kids tbh.

Do you think the Redditor’s choice to reconnect with his ex-wife brought necessary closure and peace, or do you feel it risked complications for his current family? How would you handle such a delicate balance? Share your thoughts below!