UPDATE: My [34M] wife [28F] wants to name our baby after her dead ex-boyfriend

A Redditor (34M) updated his story about his wife (28F) wanting to name their baby after her deceased ex-boyfriend. After having a serious conversation with her, he firmly stated that they would not be naming the baby after the ex.

She apologized and acknowledged her irrational behavior, revealing that the ex’s death and the pressure of her unexpected pregnancy had triggered a lot of unresolved emotions. She confessed guilt over her past words and actions towards him, and how his death has impacted her. They both agreed that she would seek therapy to work through her anxiety and emotions. Read the original story below…

‘ UPDATE: My [34M] wife [28F] wants to name our baby after her dead ex-boyfriend’

This OP: My [34M] wife [28F] wants to name our baby after her dead ex-boyfriend

For Easter, we already had plans with her family to go to church and then have a BBQ at her sister’s. Not wanting her family to see any tension, I saw this as a chance for her to HAVE to speak to me. As we’re getting ready for church, I tell her that we need to talk about everything now. She agreed and sat down with me.

I did tell her that there is absolutely no way we’re naming our baby after her ex (or, any of our kids, if we have even more). She agreed and apologized for acting irrational. Also, I know a lot of you suggested that I get a paternity test. I know that I’m 100% the father. I didn’t want anyone to get my anxiety up since, while it may seem rational, jumping into an extreme conclusion and making things worse.

I thought it out, but, I still did ask if she was still in love with her ex and is she did cheat. She adamantly said no. She had already stopped loving him, even before they broke up. She tried to make the relationship work, but, she just wasn’t in love with him anymore. She described him as not being a good person at all. She apologized for making me feel that way.

I told her that I understand she’s going through a lot of emotions right now and being pregnant doesn’t help at all. But, I had to ask on why she would want to name our baby after him, even after all she has told me. She started to get choked up and was shaking. I told her that she could tell me.

She confessed that when her and her ex broke up, the last thing she told him was that she wished he would fall off his bike and die. Also, the bike that he died riding on was a bike that she strongly suggested that he buy, even though it wasn’t his first choice. She also talked about how accidentally getting pregnant and her ex suddenly dying is a lot for her to handle.

She wasn’t expecting to be a mom so soon and her life is about to change when she really didn’t want it too. She talked about how she thought we’d travel and that she’d continue racing her motorcycle. Now, she’s not even sure if she’d be able to ride again. She actually thought she might be able to ride again once she had the baby, but, her ex’s death reminded her how much of a risk it is.

She doesn’t want to risk her life when she has a family. She feels gutted. Regardless, she kept stressing out to me on how she wouldn’t change a thing about her life now and that she’s happy to be married to me and is going to be a mom. We’re the best things that has ever happened to her.

Anxiety also runs in my wife’s family. My wife gets intrusive thoughts about how her ex died too. It’s so bad that she has a hard time sleeping sometimes. After discussing things, she decided that she’ll be going into therapy. She has her first appointment this week.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

pipedown13 −  She’s actually feeling survivor’s guilt. I went through when my brother was killed. He died fixing the very truck I cosigned for hin. I didn’t want him to buy it , but it made him happy. Im glad that you and your wife overcame that obstacle. Good luck to you and your family

iamagainstit −  This is like a perfect case study in not taking reddit’s advice at face value. It was pretty obvious from your last post that she was just grieving because someone she was once close with had just died. Yet of course this sub was convinced that she was cheating on you.

rice_christies_ −  It warms my heart that you guys worked it out. You guys seem to have a very mature and loving relationship.

[Reddit User] −  These are the kind of updates that I want to see on this sub. Good s**t OP, and congrats on being a father! I’d recommend seeing the movie “About Time”. It really made me fall in love with the idea of being a father.

perhapsnew −  You handled it perfectly. Great example of how things should be done.

[Reddit User] −  I used to ride motorcycles and had a couple of them. I loved it. As soon as my first child was born the very idea of riding a motorcycle was unappealing. None of the good thoughts came any more. I haven’t ridden since and I do not miss it.

I guess knowing that I had this life to raise and nurture made me more risk-averse. Anyway, I went from loving motorcycles to never wanting to ride again in an instant, so your wife may, too. The thing us, she shouldn’t stress about it. If she suddenly loses the desire, she won’t be upset about it at that point.

[Reddit User] −  Pregnancy hormones are crazy as it is. Glad she realized it wasn’t a good decision to try to name your baby after him. Therapy is a great tool and it will be a great way for her to sort through all her emotions.

mariah_papaya111 −  Can you please keep a really good eye on her during the first few months postpartum. This sounds like the perfect storm for postpartum depression. It’s real, it’s serious, it requires professional intervention.

Thecardinal74 −  like I said.., she was grieving and it was only a week. give it time and she’ll come to her senses.. i’m glad she did. and i’m proud of how well you both handled the situation once you were able to discuss it. you have many years of happiness ahead of you with your growing family. Cherish every minute of it

OGdepression −  Wow, great update. Really glad that your wife is going to get some help, and that’s good that you were both able to rationally talk things out! I pray that you both are very happy and that your wife is able to get the help she needs 🙂

Grief and anxiety can lead us to act in unexpected ways, especially when juggling overwhelming emotions. It’s heartening to see this couple working through their struggles together. How do you think couples should support each other through such emotionally charged moments? Share your thoughts on managing grief in relationships.