Update: My 34 M girlfriend 32 F of 12 years said no when I proposed to her. what I do?
In a follow-up to his previous story, a Redditor shared an emotional update about his girlfriend of 12 years, who declined his marriage proposal. She explained that years ago, she wanted to marry and plan a future together, but after waiting for years without progress, her priorities shifted.
Now, she values her independence and proposes an unconventional arrangement: having children together while maintaining separate living spaces. She left the choice up to him—accept her terms or part ways to pursue what he truly wants. The Redditor feels torn between love, regret, and the desire for a different future. Read the original story below.
For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/WGhpL
‘ Update: My 34 M girlfriend 32 F of 12 years said no when I proposed to her. what I do? ‘
I spoke to her last night. We had a long and somewhat awkward conversation. She said that before she really wanted to get married and that she didn’t expect a ring after two years, she just wanted to talk about it at that time to plan a better future together. When she talked about marriage I told her it wasn’t the time.
Still she waited, but when she turned 28 she realized that the ring was never going to arrive. She said she no longer wanted to get married or live together. She appreciates her own space and even though I spend time with her in her apartment, it is still her own space.
Regarding children, she does want to have children but even when the baby arrives we will not live together, it would be like sharing custody and going out together as a family, and still being a couple.
She also mentioned that she needed six months to a year for her body to detoxify from the contraceptive, but she will still consult her gynecologist. She said that these are her terms and that I was completely free to accept them and continue the relationship or break up and pursue what I want.
And I really don’t know what to do, I really regret not giving her the ring sooner. Plus she has spent 12 years agreeing to my terms. I do not really know what to do.
Check out how the community responded:
genescheesesthatplz − I don’t think you can give her what she wants, in the long run. I think you’ll try and convince yourself you can, but it will crush you when she inevitably sticks to her plans and doesn’t fall back in love with you when you bond over a baby. Good luck!
tlf555 − You dated for 10 years with no proposal. She gave up on you as a husband, but settled on you as a boyfriend/sperm donor because no one better came along. And they lived “Meh”-ly ever after.
failedopportunities − Quite telling how chill she is about potentially ending the relationship… You done missed the boat buddy! If y’all do go through with having a child, it’s going to be one weird childhood for that kid…
TheSiren- − I read the first post, and you don’t mention that she stopped talking about marriage because you told her it wasn’t the time. I think she expected you to bring it up when it was time because you shot it down once and she didn’t want to bring it up again. A lot of people are worried they’re nagging.
Did you ever talk about moving in together? Living together at all these 12 years? Or did she bring that up and you also told her it wasn’t the time? Like what happened here? Why did you wait so long and not even try to discuss it first?
RingofFaya − She checked out of the relationship so long ago “break up or don’t, I don’t care” tells you everything you need to know.
You don’t add any value to her life. You’re enjoyable to have around but not have a future with.
Break up with her so she can find someone who would actually appreciate her and give her what she wants. But don’t be surprised if she’s married to someone else in less than a couple years post breakup.
Careless_Welder_4048 − Lol. I kinda like her.
Adventurous-travel1 − Why did you wait so long to ask? She’s at the point in her life that she’s comfortable with her own space and who she is. You don’t bring value to her life at this point.
Unless there was a valid reason to wait 12 years to get married then you put too much value into yourself. She made herself a life after your response 10 years ago. You were nice to have around but she can do with you or without you.
[Reddit User] − You said yourself that she pretty much gave up on you proposing to her. Of course she’s gonna establish her own life once that happens,
and of course she’s gonna hesitate uprooting all of that now that you’ve FINALLY decided to make your partner of 12 years your wife. Either do things her way or break up. Sounds like you won’t be all that missed if you do.
Sunny_Snark − Honey, this relationship has been over for six years. Honestly, she’s probably insulted that you just now realized it.
DefDemi − You got what you deserved. Your girlfriend had to wait 12 years for a proposal. By the time you got round to it, she found that she loved having her own space without you. You are not the prize that you thought you were.
Would you accept a relationship arrangement that aligns with your partner’s needs but diverges from your vision for the future? Or would you prioritize your long-term goals, even if it means walking away? How would you navigate this emotional crossroads? Share your thoughts below!