Update: my [33m] wife [25f] constantly makes a conscious effort to humiliate me during my lessons over Zoom

The teacher whose wife repeatedly disrupted his online lessons shared an update. Despite efforts to communicate and suggest therapy, his wife escalated her behavior, mocking him and refusing to acknowledge her actions as problematic. To avoid further conflict, he now teaches from his car and is considering therapy to address the strain in their marriage. Read the full story below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/DFDUq

‘ Update: my [33m] wife [25f] constantly makes a conscious effort to humiliate me during my lessons over Zoom’

My first lesson after making that post, my wife went straight back to her old antics. I was in the lesson room as students gradually joined, talking to a student who was interested in luxury cars. At some point during the conversation, I said “yeah I think I’d have to go with the Lamborghini there.”

I heard from behind the door in the basement where I was teaching “LaMBorGhiNi” in the sarcastic exaggerated tone of voice that kids will use to mock you. I realized she was being childish again, but figured she’d eventually tire herself out. A few minutes after the lesson started, I used the word “circumference” to describe a word problem.

I then heard “ciRCuMFeREnCe” from behind the door at the top of the stairs, followed by giggling. Since the timing was right, as I was about to have the students take a shot at a problem, I set them to the task, muted my mic/disabled my camera, and quietly crept up the stairs.

I suddenly opened the door to find my wife with a cup over her ear pushed against the door so she could hear me. I whisper-shouted at her for her behavior for about a minute. I asked if she was five years old and what the hell was wrong with her.

She feigned fear and shock as if I had held her against the wall with my hands wrapped around her throat, which made me just sigh and go back downstairs to finish my lesson. For the rest of the lesson she was quiet, but after it I went upstairs to bring up what she did. She started asking if I was going to yell at her again.

I responded that I wouldn’t, and I tried to get back on topic, but no matter what I said about her behavior, her response was the same. When I brought up her stomping in the room above before, “are you going to yell at me again?” When I brought up her sliding plastic files under the door during a lesson before, “oh, are you going to yell at me again?”

When I brought up anything she has done during lessons, the answer was the same, over and over again. There is absolutely no way to broach the topic with her now. I called her doctor and said that her behavior is erratic, and that she might have PPD. The doctor said that he could ask about it when she came in, but there is not much else he could do.

The next day I tried to sit my wife down for a calm discussion about the possibility of her having PPD, to which she responded she had PTSD from my “a**sive shouting.” Right. When I suggested therapy, together, she said “oh, to fix your anger management problems? Sounds good.”

I teach in my car in front of a Starbucks now. Outside of lesson time we haven’t really had any issues, and now that I’m outside the house teaching, we are strained but stable. I know this is not a very satisfactory outcome, but I think she has deep underlying issues that are going to need professional intervention.

When I said I would happily go to therapy with her to find a solution to our communication issues, she told me that I should go alone. I think that may actually be a good step because having a neutral party to listen to my worries and guide me towards better de-escalation tactics would be highly beneficial. I could also try to entice her to join gradually.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

the_fuzzy_duckling −  I saw the orginal post. Yes, go to the therapy alone. Your therapist might have some good strategies or be able to point your towards more resources all the while ensuring you don’t go mad yourself dealing with this. I’m sorry for you having to deal with this.

NachosPrecarioso −  You may have found a workaround for this particular instance. However, whatever the underlying problem is, it is still there. You should continue to insist on her telling you why it is she feels the need to try and embarrass you.

If you don’t find and deal with this root problem, she’s going to continue to act out in different ways. Mark my words, she will find another way to undermine and belittle you. Don’t let this go. Also, be fair to yourself. You don’t have a “communication issue.” You have a “your wife is an a**hole” issue.

You can go to therapy if you want, but I don’t think therapists fix that, and particularly not if she isn’t there. You need to deal with this. Maybe the right therapist can give you some advice, but you have to be the one to really put the work in on getting her to talk to you about why she’s pulling these i**ot stunts.

Jen5872 −  Cripes, she sounds batcrap crazy. The fact that you have to leave the house and work in your car is BS.

the_last_basselope −  Going to therapy yourself is a good start, but the problem is with **her**, and won’t get better if she doesn’t recognize and address it, so if it continues draw a line and tell her she has to address her sudden regression to 3rd grade behavior with a professional or you will file for divorce.

FalcorDD −  Did you meet her when you were twenty, cause she acts 12. I mean does she not like a living wage or is she against education?

Cali_oh −  OMG I am jumping on the divorce her bandwagon. If any of the kids record her behavior, it will be all over the Internet and you will be one in trouble. My district let’s us go into work to teach. You should ask your union about it.

Snoo_85543 −  Honestly this type of behavior is showing qualities of jealousy. Does she have a job or anything else going on in her life other than listening to you teach and being disruptive? Maybe she’s bored and needs a hobby?

Also, g**lighting you when your trying to have a conversation with her is definitely grounds for seeking therapy on top of giving her some sort of ultimatum because somethings gotta give. It’s not fair to you that you have to move around and basically hide to do your job given the circumstances that your working from home due to the pandemic which already sucks.

I’m wondering if she’s holding any resentment towards you for any other reason… Stay strong, I really hopes she gets the help she needs or at least find the voice to say how she’s feeling and why she’s acting that way.. Good luck

hbhshshttgshshshsjuu −  Holy s**t divorce her

N0c0ntr0l_ −  This is hilarious you literally cant safely do your job in your house yet you insist everything is “stable” You literally cant have an adult conversation with your wife because she’s incapable but hey your “stable”. I hope you see the pattern here…. Unfortunately until you find some self respect this will continue

RoseGoldHopes −  When you first posted, I was holding out hope that this could be resolved but after reading this update, you need to call your lawyer. Whether she has PPD, mental illness or if she is genuinely an a**hole, you need to have a plan in place. And you need to give her the ‘therapy or divorce’ ultimatum.

How would you approach a situation where a partner refuses to acknowledge their behavior and avoids seeking help? Is therapy on his own a good first step, or should he consider firmer boundaries? Share your advice below!