UPDATE: My (32M) wife’s (30F) friend cheated on her fiancé at her bachelorette party. My wife doesn’t think it’s that big a deal. Help?

A Redditor (32M) shares an update about his wife (30F) and her friend Wendy, who cheated on her fiancé at her bachelorette party. Although the Redditor initially wanted to tell the fiancé, one of his wife’s friends, Claire, beat him to it. The fiancé’s wedding is now off, and the wife apologized for downplaying the situation. The Redditor is now reassured by Claire’s integrity and believes things are settled for now. To read the full update, check it out below.

‘ UPDATE: My (32M) wife’s (30F) friend cheated on her fiancé at her bachelorette party. My wife doesn’t think it’s that big a deal. Help?’

Anyway, many of you told me tell the fiancé. I debated it but another one of my wife’s friends, call her Claire, who was also at the bachelorette weekend beat me to it. The whole scene was quite dramatic from what I heard. My wife and Claire were over the house of the friend who cheated, call her Wendy.

When the fiancé came into the room Claire said to Wendy that she needs to tell him now or she will. The fiancé pretty much knew what she meant and basically broke down. There was a lot of screaming and crying. The fiancé took it really hard and as of now the wedding if off.

My wife looked shaken when she came home. She ended up apologizing for making light of the situation given how much pain it caused the fiancé. I told her no sh*t and she admitted that her views on this were obviously much different than most people. She gave me a hug and said she would never be able to live with herself if she hurt me like that.

As for what happened on her bachelorette. Claire was present for my wife’s bachelorette as well. Claire and I have also been friends for years, I met my wife through her actually. So it stands to reason that she would have definitely told me if my wife slept with another guy during her bachelorette. So I suppose I’m satisfied for now. 

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

BuddyInevitable638 −  Your wife sounds somewhat low empathy – but I suppose if this concrete event of seeing other’s significant distress and pain over infidelity taught her some empathy/compassion, that is a good thing. I’d store this memory in your mind though as she doesn’t have a solid moral compass clearly.

Previous-Cap578 −  So your wife had to have a front row seat and experience firsthand the devastating effects of cheating in order for her to finally understand why cheating is wrong, horrible and cruel? That’s still hella sus. I would never look at my wife the same way again, but if you guys are able to work past it then all the more power to you!

engineer2moon −  I would seriously have to know WHY she thought that way. Because if that’s truly what she believes then we are fundamentally incompatible.

br0d30 −  Wow you are so easy to manipulate. How easy was it for her to avoid lying by saying she wouldn’t be able to live with herself “if she hurt you like that” when she probably just means that *letting the fiancé find out* was what hurt the fiancé?

Listen to the other comments here. You need to have a huge conversation with your partner to feel out whether your views on love, s**, marriage, intimacy, and monogamy are actually as compatible as you’ve been assuming this whole time.

Real_Cake_hmm −  You need to have a conversation with Claire about your wife’s bachelorette.

Colanasou −  Id approach claire tbh. “Hey since i now know you have a set of morals unlike the majority of them and beat me to telling him, do i need to start the divorce process myself?” And see what she says

Nutriksator −  Naive IMO but it’s your life.

Insomniac42 −  Satisfied? My man, your wife told on herself. If she’s going to cheat on you, they’ll just not have Claire around and do it better next time. She would never be able to live with herself if she hurt you like that? She would never let you know TO hurt you. Unless she completely changes her view on cheating, you’re in for a whole world of distrust. Good luck.

Badbadpappa −  OP , Claire’s mindset/values may have changed , since you got married, 3-5 yrs ago. If you ever , can get your wife’s friend, Claire alone, praise her for her standup approach to infidelity. Then look into her EYES , and ask her what happened at my wife’s bachelorette party?. OP, REMEMBER what your wife said , when she wasn’t emotional , coming back from her girlfriends house.

, “that If I was , the type of guy , that would be OK ,with her sleeping with others guys , she would probably do so ! she said this, after you were married, and after her girlfriend cheated at bachelorette ! Sleep with one eye open, EDIT that- – – – , sleep with two eyes open. the above ,is her true mindset.. updateme

NerdyWolf88 −  Ummm… anyone notice the wife’s wording? She never said she didn’t cheat, just that she doesn’t want to hurt him that way…. which could be done by not telling about infidelity… did you marry a lawyer or a fairy? Because excellent use of words to say one thing and mean another while the statement is still true.

Do you think the Redditor handled the situation well by letting his wife apologize and not pushing further? How would you react if your spouse was involved in something like this and downplayed the severity of it? Share your thoughts in the comments below!