Update: My (32F) husband (36M) became a robot and I don’t know how to help him.

A woman (32F) had shared her concerns about her husband (36M) becoming emotionally distant and robotic. After a heartfelt conversation, her husband revealed the overwhelming stress he had been carrying, feeling the weight of being the protector and provider in a difficult time, especially with a new baby on the way.

He had been hiding his struggles for fear of burdening her and losing her love. After an emotional discussion, they agreed on taking a break, including a romantic getaway to reconnect and give him the space he needs. The update shows a positive shift, as her husband is now more engaged and seems to be enjoying time with the kids.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/seguj

‘ Update: My (32F) husband (36M) became a robot and I don’t know how to help him.’

Hey everybody, here’s the update. I wrote this a couple days ago but couldn’t post it because it was too soon. My husband came home at around 6 o’clock, and after he had something to eat I took him to the bedroom to talk. I sat him down on the bed and told him I was worried about him.

I didn’t know exactly how to phrase my worries so I just showed him my original post. When he finished reading the post he starting crying, like full on crying. In all the years that I have known this man, I had never seen a tear roll down his eye.

I held him for a few minutes until he could recompose himself, and he told me everything. He told me that the world was in a “s**tty place” right now, and that we’re bringing a child into a stressful time. He said when I became pregnant he felt he had to step up. He needed to take care of things because it was his responsibility.

He said that the weight of carrying the family was so much harder than he anticipated so he thought if he “doubled down” he could get through it. But the more he tried the “darker the tunnel got” and eventually he couldn’t see an end.

He said that he feels like he’s “constantly drowning, and the only breath of fresh air is on the car ride between home and work.” He said that sometimes the stress is so much that he throws up, but doesn’t tell anyone and instead keeps going with his day.

He then pulled out a pack of gum from his pocket and said “this was for when it happens.” I asked him why he couldn’t tell me any of this, and he said he didn’t want to “burden me with the truth.”

He said that, he thought if he told me everything, that I would stop seeing him as a “protecter and provider”, and that I would inevitably stop loving him. Hearing him say that brought tears to my eyes because I didn’t know where he got the notion I would feel that way.

I asked him if he wanted to quit his job but surprisingly he said the job doesn’t bother him. He said the work in of it self was fine. It’s just now he feels an added weight to provide because not only was he fortunate enough to keep his job in the pandemic, but we also had a kid on the way.

He said that some days he feels like packing a suit case and running to some tropical island for a week and not telling anyone. But then he feels guilty and doubles down even more. I told him that maybe he should go on a trip. I said that he deserved a break, and maybe if he did exactly that he’d feel better.

He tried to protest, but I insisted. In the end said that he’ll only go, if we go together. Like a romantic get away between spouses. Once things start to clear up and before the baby is due, he wants to take a week off from work, drop the kids off at Grandma’s house and have us go on a vacation.

Just the two of us, like we used to when we first got married. He also said he wants to take the day off tomorrow and just sleep in, so that’s the plan. I’ll call his boss tomorrow and say that he’s sick and can’t come in, it’s not like they’ll make a sick man come in to work. There’s a pandemic going on :).

Right now he’s playing with the kids and it doesn’t feel like he’s doing one of his chores. He actually seems to be enjoying himself. For the first time in months I don’t see the robot, I see my husband.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  So so happy for you. Best of luck 🙂

Gingrpenguin −  As someone whos come out the other side of this i think you could not have handled this better than you have. I actually felt a bit emotional reading this so well done.

I think a break from work is a big one and its very hard to work out whether the stress coming from the job is simply he’s working to much or that the specific company is burdening him.

A day off followed by a week away with no responsibility so he can recharge his batteries is well due but i think after that week knowing what feelings going back to work has will be the key to whether he should be looking for another company.

If all he feels is dread then looking for a job whilst remaining at the company will give him a new take on life. Its a scary thought, especially if hes been there a while and/or gained ranks but even a lateral move should help his mental health.

In general i think youve now set tje tone that you two can discuss these things and work to positive outcomes and it sounds like you’ve got the material for a long happy marriage, i wish you well in everything in the future.

IMasterbateToYou −  As a 47 year old man, I felt this line in my soul: Constantly drowning, and the only breath of fresh air is on the car ride between home and work. Plus I get an hour to myself on my lunch break where I can sit in my truck and do nothing.

Otherwise it is the constant cycle of work, home, and family maintenance ad nauseam. At this point I am just waiting until I can retire in 10 years and I don’t know maybe lay down and die for a little bit? Edit: I also started my family WAY too young, so I have been a dad since before my 19th birthday. I think I am just tired.

Acansino −  I’m so happy you posted an update and that you had the courage to approach him. This seems like the best outcome with a very cathartic moment for your guy.

My husband and I are having our first child soon and although I’m a little worried about how things might change, I always just assumed that he’d talk to me if he felt trapped. I’m going to show my husband your post and encourage him to talk to me if this starts to happen to him.

MouthwashAndBandaids −  I am so happy to see this post!! I was the person who urged you to show him it. What a glimmer of hope for you two, and I hope you will both continue your open communication and enjoy that week together. ♥️♥️

SnideyM −  This would be a great crosspost for a men’s mental health subreddit, are there any out there? Highlights all of the stresses and worries that stop men from speaking out, but with a good outcome. Well done talking to him, it’s tough to admit you’re suffering so he might not have brought it up if you didn’t.

PanickedPoodle −  What a great start. But realize it’s just a start. I think it’s so common for men to get buried under perceived and real responsibilities, and to be afraid to ask for help. If he’s working, look into EAP services as a start.

You are likely going to have to be the one pushing him to talk to someone, and doing the legwork to get it set up. Be that person! This is your time to shoulder some of the burden. A vacation is great and important, but helping him deal with anxiety needs to follow close behind.

traderhoes69 −  This made me tear up :,) I’m so happy you’ve found a way to revive his spirits and your love for each other. Wow, I’m so happy to be reading this rn.

lilsunshine99 −  I absolutely adored this OP. Not in a cynical way, but it’s pure emotion and love when your SO opens up to you even more than you’ve known, it shows growth and the communication between you two will be better than ever now!

If you see him starting to close off again in the future (not saying negatively – but you know, people have their bad/off days) then to remind him that he is never alone when you’re by his side till the end.

I’m a firm believer that strong communication will bring trust and faithfulness and in the end a happy relationship/marriage. Definitely going to use your original post and update as an example to my SO whenever he feels trapped in today’s societal norm and this pandemic.

Thank you and let us know how the vacation goes when you two decide to take it!! Glad to see things are looking up from here 🙂

[Reddit User] −  This is why I don’t want kids lmao