Update. My (28m) husband (31m) of 6 years takes ridiculous risks while doing his “extreme” sports. How do I do this?

A woman shared her frustrations about her husband Gregory’s risk-taking and perceived lack of engagement during a family ski vacation. After reflecting on insightful advice from others, she realized she had been conflating two separate issues: Gregory’s adventurous hobbies and his social habits.

A candid conversation on the ski lift brought them closer, and by addressing each other’s concerns, they turned a tense trip into a moment of growth. Read the full update below for all the details.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/jeKPL

‘ Update. My (28m) husband (31m) of 6 years takes ridiculous risks while doing his “extreme” sports. How do I do this?’

I posted Monday morning while my family was getting ready, then went skiing. By the time I got back, the post had exploded with hundreds of responses. I spent the evening reading every single one, and one comment stood out: it pointed out I was conflating two issues—my husband Gregory’s risk-taking and his lack of socializing on vacation.

It helped me realize I was annoyed with Gregory because he’d been anti-social for the first three days, going to bed early and skipping family time. When he finally opened up, it was to impress my dad with stories of backcountry skiing.

Meanwhile, I envied how engaged my brother’s wife and cousins’ spouses were. This realization made me try to be nicer to him. Perspective came quickly when my cousin’s husband got drunk, cursed loudly in front of kids, fought with his wife, and later crashed their Lexus into a snowbank.

Gregory, calm and experienced, helped dig them out while I watched my cousin’s husband melt down. It reminded me how lucky I am to have someone so capable and steady. The next day, I asked Gregory to ski with me, and we had a wonderful time.

While riding the lift, I calmly shared my concerns about backcountry skiing and him leaving me with the kids during trips. He assured me he’d invest in safety gear and communicate better in the future. I apologized for being distant, and he admitted he avoids socializing partly because of tension with my cousin’s husband.

That night, Gregory cooked for everyone and stayed up later to chat. We agreed he could hike and ski early the next day while I watched the kids. Thanks to that post and the thoughtful responses,

I gained clarity, communicated with my husband, and turned a potentially miserable trip into a moment of growth. I love Gregory more than ever, and we’re leaving this vacation happier and stronger. Thank you for the help!

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

asymmetrical_sally −  It’s really nice to see such a positive update, I’m happy for you OP. I know what it’s like to hide out from horrible family members, too, so I get it. Keep talking to one another!

The one thing that still stuck out was this – if you have a planned day to watch the kids during a vacation like this, I hope that he does too. You deserve to have a little fun and r&r yourself or with friends!

[Reddit User] −  Awesome. Don’t forget about insurance though…

[Reddit User] −  Score one for good communication and level-headed partners who can listen to each other. Good work!

mittenbae −  It’s great that you feel better and are appreciative of your husbands traits. However, there is one thing that is unresolved for me. Why aren’t the children his responsibility? If he wants to go off for a day, he should tell you this and ask if it’s okay for you to watch the kids.

It sounds like he doesn’t even think about this because he sees the kids as solely your responsibility. Sorry if this was mentioned in the OP comments. I had a scroll through the top commenta and they were all about getting insurance, and a few that essentially called you a nag/unreasonable.

insomniagame −  This is progress, but you aren’t done yet. So another strike on me for not communicating with him and assuming that he would see me as something of a “burden” to his ski day so I didn’t even want to ask if he’d ski with me. And a strike on him for not asking you to ski with him,

he said absolutely, that he was hoping we would get at least one day together. Why is it your job to ask? He should be able to communicate his needs (and not just his need to go back country skiing!).

So today, since this was a planned day off for me to watch the kids, we agreed that he could meet his new friends really early so they could do some in area hiking before the lifts started and that he could stay out as late as he wanted if the snow was good.

Wait, when it’s your day to watch the kids, do you get these concessions? I recommend more ongoing conversations, not just while on vacation.

arftennis −  A few things: You shouldn’t set the bar for your husband based on some other a**hole. Just because another person has a terrible husband doesn’t mean yours is good.

Your husband sucks at communicating, but I also get the feeling he was hoping you’d just not say anything and s**k it up for the whole trip and deal with the kids.

If he wanted you to ski with him, he should’ve asked you. He was trying to get away with doing whatever he wanted for the entire vacation while you watched the kids. I am not saying he’s irredeemable for this, but I hope he was equally if not more apologetic for treating you like this on your own vacation.

Birdsandhikes −  I’m glad you had a good talk with your husband and resolved the issue. that’s great! from this update though there was a lot of comparisons going on with your husband/other people.

it might be good in the future to check in with yourself to make sure you’re not placing too much emphasis on where you measure up with other people and how that affects your mood.

[Reddit User] −  Awesome!! When you made the first post I could tell that while you talked about danger, you seemed to be most upset about lack of bonding time and almost looking for a reason why he should spend more time with you. You dont get a lot of adult time away from the kids.

I would also be pissed if the first free weekend away in a while was my husband “ignoring” me. Marriages take time and work, and are more important than hobbies especially when you have 2 kids under 2. It is especially hard to be a 3rd wheel at that time!! I hope your husband tries to convey that while he likes sports, he likes spending time with you at least as much!!

Zap__Dannigan −  Very great update! I’m very similar to your husband, even down to the socialization part. I’d find it really hard to stay up all week hanging out with family, even though I like and love my immediate and In-law families.

The heartening part for me is that even though he’s not up to doing everything you’d want him to do, you’ve found ways to appreciate him and the fact that he’s always going to be there for you