[UPDATE] My [26F] mom’s [54F] plan to surprise my dad [55M] with a divorce is kind of cruel
One person from Reddit (26F) is conflicted about her mother’s (54F) plan to divorce her father (55M) after nearly 30 years of marriage. While she supports her mother’s decision to leave her father, she feels uncomfortable with the plan to surprise him with divorce papers on the day his best friend’s family arrives, leaving them stranded. The Redditor is unsure whether it’s her place to intervene or speak up. Read the original story below:
For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/hVNeo
‘ [UPDATE] My [26F] mom’s [54F] plan to surprise my dad [55M] with a divorce is kind of cruel?’
My parent’s have been married for almost 30 years. Their marriage is not great. My dad’s the kind of person who will come home from work and get angry that there isn’t dinner on the table. Growing up, my dad never treated my mother like an equal. She was expected to do all the housework and look after the children, and dote on her husband at all times.
My parents have been empty nesting for a few years now. I have one younger sister, and we are both out of the house and have our own lives. Neither of us kids have particularly LIKED our dad. Like, we love him in the way that you love family, and we are grateful that he provided for us and helped us pay for college. But my dad is an a**hole who treats my mom poorly, and I never respected him for this.
I recently got brunch with my mother, and she dropped some pretty heavy news. She’s planning on divorcing my father. I was honestly relieved and happy for her that she’s finally doing this, but her plan to do so is rather troubling. My parents are Chinese immigrants.
My dad’s best friend growing up (Daniel) and his family have been saving up for a trip to the US for years. They will be visiting my parents over Christmas. My dad, naturally, put the burden of this whole trip on my mother. He told her to organize their whole vacation, planning meals, reservations, activities, etc.
Basically my mom is expected to be the complete tour guide and handle all the stress and organization of their visit (including picking them up from the airport) while my dad just gets to hang out with his childhood friend and not deal with anything. My mom doesn’t even KNOW these people.
Apparently, however, this was the last straw for my mom. She is retaliating. She has only been pretending to organize this trip and faked a bunch of reservations and stuff to appease my dad. My dad thinks everything is organized and Daniel’s family is being completely taken care of. Her plan, instead, is to serve him with divorce papers the day she is supposed to pick up Daniel’s family from the airport.
My dad will be out of town on business up until the day Daniel arrives, so she will be moved out by then. Daniel’s family will be stranded at the airport, and my dad will come home to an empty house and no family. While I support the divorce, I can’t help but feel like this plan is a little too cruel. She can be as vindictive towards my father as she wants, but to drag another family into this seems unfair.
My dad completely deserves this, but Daniel didn’t do anything, and his family doesn’t deserve to fly into the US and face this level of commotion. Is it my place to say anything? I voiced to my mother my concerns and she basically was like “f**k it and f**k him.” I barely talk to my father, but I don’t know who I should reach out to or who I can talk some sense into.
My dad has never been violent towards my mom or anything, but I’m also nervous about what would happen if I told my father the truth before my mom has had a chance to gather herself and move out of the house without him being present. It just seems like an explosive argument waiting to happen.
Check out how the community responded:
Limberine − I’m so happy for your Mom. I think you have played it just right. Thanks for the update, I wondered how things ended up going for her.
butimstillhungry − (Warning: long story.) Whoa this is so weird, I had to reread your title and make sure my siblings or my alter ego(???) didn’t write this post. We’re the exact same age and our parents are the exact same age and my mom just left my physically and verbally abusive dad last fall.
As soon as my youngest sibling left for college, we packed up essentials and disappeared. We had to hurry and move everything in less than a work day (uhaul and all in under 6 hours ugh), so when he came home, our stuff was gone and there were divorce papers on the counter with a letter from my mom.
It sounds cruel, but there was no way she could have done this in person and left unscathed. He left us threatening and guilt tripping voicemails for months and even tracked her down at work a few times but she always saw his car first and hid.
What’s much crueler is abusing your wife and kids for 20+ years and threatening to put a bullet in our heads if we ever told anyone (or did anything remotely out of line), which made for very dark and lonely lives for all of us. We went no contact and the first few months were rough, looking over our shoulders constantly and dealing with the fallout with whomever he told his “sob story”.
In the end, we really see this like a new lease on life. My dad doesn’t know where we are and we’re all breathing so much easier now that we’re no longer essentially hostages in our own home. My mom got a new apartment and the furniture that she wanted and eats what she wants and sees her friends and goes on trips with her friends.
She has become a totally different person, so much bubblier and happy. TL;DR My father was also an a**hole, we disappeared and left him divorce papers. We are safe now and can finally work towards leading normal lives.
Noonsnack2 − Your mom is an INSPIRATION for how well she handled that, I’m so glad you just let it play out. Great update! It also sounds like you set a good precedent moving forward for your role in this situation.
BlackFiesta − Reading this made my desk at work raise up a few inches from the justice boner I got.. Best of luck to your Mum.
codeverity − I’m happy for your mother that she got out of there, but I can’t help but feel for the family. It doesn’t matter how well you speak the language or how much money you have, having to figure out s**t like that on the spot at the end of a long flight is crappy. And then to be pulled into messy, private business at the end of it that they probably wanted no part of…. Idk.
I would be so incredibly uncomfortable if that was me. I don’t want to be dragged into the middle of someone else’s personal business, especially not something like divorce. So yeah, I’m really glad that your mom got out of there, but I still feel sorry for David’s family.
semimedium − Way to go your mom!
NOLAgilly − I feel sorry for Daniel and his family. Not exactly the vacation they were looking forward to I imagine
Kokiri_Salia − Oh, I’ve been waiting for an update to this and I’m experiencing a raging justice girl boner right now. 😀 Also, I wish I could upvote your post twice for the use of the word “discombobulated”. Good on you, good for your mom that she can finallly live a little and good that Daniel is such a good planner and collected person. All is well.
[Reddit User] − What did the father do to the mother? I hate when people delete the original post, I have no idea why everyone is hating on the dad.
[Reddit User] − Your mother is a f**king amazing person. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that though. This was just brilliant to read. I know it’s not right to feel good about someone being hurt. But your father needed this, he needs the wake up call to realise that his actions do have consequences.
If it were up to him he’d of died treating your mother like that. I’m really really happy for her. For him too, this is his opportunity to fix what’s wrong with him. He won’t be getting her back, but hopefully he is able to realise his wrong doings and find someone to be good to. Great job to you, op. You made the right choice staying out of things.
While it’s understandable to want to protect family members from unnecessary harm, sometimes it’s also important to consider the bigger picture. What would you do if you were in this Redditor’s shoes? How would you approach your mother without further escalating the situation? Share your thoughts below.