[Update] My [26F] fiance’s [28M] ex-wife [28F] has cancer. He’s moved in with her and postponed our wedding.

A Redditor shared an update on the situation with her fiancé, Max, and his ex-wife, Caroline. After receiving advice from the Reddit community, the Redditor confronted Max, expressing her concerns about him living with Caroline until February.

Max revealed a shocking truth: Caroline was never diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, but rather stage 2. He admitted to lying about the severity of her condition to justify his extended stay with her.

Even telling her their wedding was postponed indefinitely. Feeling betrayed, the Redditor now faces the difficult task of rethinking her future, including canceling wedding plans. Read the original story below…

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/VQYOa

‘ [Update] My [26F] fiance’s [28M] ex-wife [28F] has cancer. He’s moved in with her and postponed our wedding.?’

First off, thank you all so much for your advice and words of support. I’m sorry that I couldn’t reply to every comment, reply, or PM that I got, but I woke up to a locked post and over 100 unread messages. I promise, I did read through every one of them.

Each perspective was incredibly helpful and made me look at the situation in a completely different way. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I spoke to Max this morning. I told him that as terrible as I feel for Caroline, I don’t want him living over there until February.

I suggested that we brainstorm some sort of schedule that allowed him to continue visiting her, even postponing our honeymoon and using that money to fund his plane tickets. Several commenters brought up her moving over here for treatment, so I mentioned that as well, offering up our spare bedroom.

I emphasised that I didn’t fault him for wanting to help an old loved one in what could be her final days, but that I couldn’t help but feel marginalised, especially so close to our wedding. Max didn’t speak very much, just listened while I rambled on. When I couldn’t think of anything else to add, I asked him to please say something.

So he told me the truth: Caroline was never stage 4. She was stage 2. He assured me that the rest of his story is true. Caroline asking him to be with her, the initial surgery being unsuccessful, her chemo treatment plan, etc. But apparently her chances of survival are *far* greater than he led me to believe.

Max said he lied because he felt it was the only way I could understand his need to be with her. He thought that if her situation seemed less dire than literal life-or-d**th, I wouldn’t agree to him essentially moving across the country for her.

He admitted to telling her that our wedding had been postponed to next August, giving her the impression that him being away until February would be no problem. He has also been the one insisting on remaining by her side.

After her surgery, she had given him permission to return home, saying that it wouldn’t be fair to pressure him into living with her throughout her entire chemo treatment, as much as she would have liked him there. He refused to leave. He told her that I supported this decision fully.

Max swears that he’s not in love with her still, but I just can’t believe that. He lied to my face. Before she visited our apartment back in May, he warned me not to mention her being stage 4 as she was still “extremely sensitive about it.”

And I completely bought into that lie. I trusted him. He put his past with her over his future with me. I’ll be spending the next few months apartment hunting and cancelling wedding plans..

 

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

unicorn_pantaloons −  Oh my God, i am so sorry. What a turd. You on the other hand, handled this beautifully. Please lean on the people close to you in this time. Or lean on us! I know you don’t think it right now, but you’re going to be ok. Many internet hugs being sent your way.

Inkmonkey1 −  Hideously painful though it is, it’s a very good thing that you found out before you married that this guy was a scumbag who would literally use someone else’s life-threatening illness to satisfy his selfish needs.

He is foul. Also, I’d be telling the ex wife exactly what he’s done, too. Bet she won’t be impressed either. You’re a lucky person. Really. May not feel like it, now. But you are.

shortlemon −  Jesus.
🙁 would it be wrong of you (for Caroline’s health reasons?) to reach out to her and let her know what you believed? And that the wedding is off…but that you aren’t angry with her. Tell her you’re happy that she cared more about your relationship with Max than he ever did, and that you hope her treatment becomes effective soon.

Ah idk. I only say this because he could spin this in a s**tty way to her to make it seem like you angrily left him in her time of need or something, idk. Then again…should you even care what he does?

Sigh. 🙁 I’m so sorry OP. You’ll meet better men. Trust me. :/ he made such a big mistake. EVEN SHE was telling him to leave. Don’t take him back if he comes back. He was going to move in with his ex. 🙁 you deserve so much better, and so does she.

[Reddit User] −  Good job. The hell with this guy. Using someone else’s cancer for his own benefit, what a scumbag

RainyReese −  Damn. Hugs out to you. He’s obviously still in love with her if he’s willing to lie about something so serious, knowing it can end your relationship. She means more to him than you do.

Will you please continue to update us and let us know how you are doing? Please do. You should also find out if she knew anything at all about any of this. Either way, you deserve a man who understands respect and honesty.

[Reddit User] −  Holy crap, this was not the update I was hoping to read. I am so so sorry. As someone who has also had to cancel a wedding because her fiance was not who she thought, I can tell you that while it will hurt like hell, and totally s**k, and be s**tty to cancel everything…you will not regret this decision.

Nicky2385 −  I am crying after reading this update. I am so sorry that he has done this to you. To lie and cheat is one thing, but to use an illness like this to make an excuse to get back with an ex?

My heart is literally breaking for you. Please take care of yourself and surround yourself with loved ones. And maybe even do a Carrie Bradshaw and take your friends on a trip which would of been your honeymoon!!

[Reddit User] −  he warned me not to mention her being stage 4. Not to be vindictive, but she needs to know what he told you. This makes me so upset. Glad you found out exactly the type of person Max is. He *used* someone’s illness, and misrepresented and lied about. How low can you go.

[Reddit User] −  f**king f**k. Well he can keep her then. Max swears that he’s not in love with her still, but I just can’t believe that. He lied to my face. Before she visited our apartment back in May, he warned me not to mention her being stage 4 as she was still “extremely sensitive about it.” And I completely bought into that lie. I trusted him.

Im so sorry that he would stoop that low, but dont blame yourself. We want to trust the people we marry so badly, and in the end they can hurt us the worst. I would kindly drop hints to the wedding guest that he chose her and her stage 2 cancer over you. Perhaps drop it to her as well. Good luck to your future OP. *Internet hugs*

Yrupunishingme −  Jfc this was the worst case scenario I imagined while reading your OP. I’m so sorry your fiancé is such a shitheel to take advantageous of your kindness. Wow. I can’t even imagine how betrayed you must feel right now. What a piece of s**t!

Do you plan on cutting all ties and moving on? A part of me really wants you to contact Caroline and let her know how much of an a**hole your ex is but another part of me just thinks she’ll be touched by his actions and rekindle their romance. F**king hell, I’m so pissed for you right now.

Do you think the fiancé’s actions were justified, given his desire to help Caroline, or was his dishonesty inexcusable? How would you handle the trust issues and emotional fallout in this situation? Share your thoughts below!