UPDATE: My [26F] boyfriend’s [25M] friends [20s Ms] keep telling him to break up with me while I’m grieving my mother’s d**th.

A Reddit user (26F) shares an update about her relationship with her boyfriend (25M), which had been under strain due to his friends’ pressure for him to break up with her while she was grieving her mother’s death. After a period of staying together despite their issues, the user ultimately decided to end the relationship, acknowledging that it was the right decision for both of them despite the timing. The breakup, although difficult, was a necessary step for her healing process. Read the full story below.

‘ UPDATE: My [26F] boyfriend’s [25M] friends [20s Ms] keep telling him to break up with me while I’m grieving my mother’s d**th.’

My post didn’t get very much attention, but I thought I’d post an update anyway because I like them so much. I’m also hoping it might be therapeutic to write this out. I did break up with my boyfriend, albeit not immediately after Reddit resoundingly told me to.

A lot of people were saying to me that by doing this to me (especially at this time), Andrew was expressing a lack of commitment to me and consideration for me. I think part of me knew that as soon as it happened, but I just wasn’t ready to accept it yet.

We ended up staying together after the incident I described in my post, partially because he apologized profusely and reassured me, but mostly because I had just lost my mom and I wasn’t ready to lose him too. I don’t regret staying with him these past few months; he’s provided me a lot of support that I would have been to afraid to ask for from anyone else in my life.

But as time went on, his lack of consideration for my feelings and our clear incompatibility continued to resurface. We talked about breaking up a couple times, and I finally decided to pull the plug last night. Unsurprisingly, he was pretty relieved.

He admitted that he has wanted this for awhile, but has “wronged” me so many times in our relationship that he felt an obligation to “do right by me” and not end things until I was ready. It’s hard to take this kind of loss while I’m still dealing with the loss of my mother, but I know it’s for the better. Thanks for the advice, Reddit..

**TL;DR: We finally broke up.**

Check out how the community responded:

tillwehavefaces −  He admitted that he has wanted this for awhile, but has “wronged” me so many times in our relationship that he felt an obligation to “do right by me” and not end things until I was ready.

Uhh. This just screams, “I was too much of a c**ard to break up with you so I treated you like s**t until you broke up with me.” Doing right by someone is letting them go when you know it’s over.

Albafika −  Apparently, the day before, Jack had called him to express some doubt about our compatibility that he said was shared by the entire group. Andrew then called Max and Dave, who echoed Jake’s thoughts, along with some rather hurtful statements about my character. In particular, Max told Andrew that he was settling for me, that Andrew was extraordinary and I was ordinary, and that I lack depth as a person. Max has only met me once.

For f**k’s sake. These sounds so much like one of those alien races connected through some unviewable thread (Xenoblade’s Orpheans for example). What the hell. It’s like Inside Out, but in real life. A council dictates his life.. You’re better off this way.

[Reddit User] −  Your dumb ex-boyfriend sounded so immature, full of himself, and exhausting and I’m second hand relieved reading that you broke up with him.

ButterflyLove0502 −  I very rarely comment but felt a very strong need to on this. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and cannot imagine losing a significant other in the midst of grieving the loss of a parent. This breakup however seems 100 percent the right thing to do and you will be so much better off without clinging to an unequal and unhappy relationship. Just sending you loads of hugs and support from a random internet stranger!

asymmetrical_sally −  I think his behaviour during those first days following your mom’s d**th was absolutely reprehensible, but I might be able to offer a weird silver lining for “future you”. My dad died when I was 15. It was without a doubt the single most defining event of my entire life, and has impacted every day since (and this was almost twenty years ago). However, I kept diaries back then, and when I look back at them it is super confusing.

I remember the reality of the horrific shock, pain, and my inability to process what was happening at the time, but if you read these diary entries, I just seem fixated on weird teenage romantic s**t. Like I’m talking about the same week that it happened, on the funeral day, you name it. On (literal) paper it looks super self-absorbed and callous, but as an adult it’s obvious that I was clinging to any distraction in order to survive and keep from completely losing my mind.

So in conclusion, this guy clearly wasn’t it for you, and the fact that he decided to put those doubts and fears in your head during your darkest hours is absolutely disgusting and a**orrent, **but** – maybe the fact that you had something to focus on besides your grief was helpful in some small way?

In twenty years your memories of your mom will still be strong, hopefully you’ll have processed your grief in a healthy way, and you can probably look back and laugh at the self-important knob that you dated for a while.

somethingabnormal −  You sound so emotionally mature and it was a super difficult position to be in, but it really sounds like you were able to make the best decisions for yourself over and over again. You totally deserve someone who is able to be as mature about their feelings as you are, and I hope you find that soon.

[Reddit User] −  He admitted that he has wanted this for awhile, but has “wronged” me so many times in our relationship that he felt an obligation to “do right by me” and not end things until I was ready. What a clever way to say “I’m a c**ard”

grandmasaidno −  He waited you out till you broke up with him, making you are the “bad guy”. Now he can go get sympathy beers from his bro’s and talk about how great he was as a boy friend and bam…your hearing “crazy ex” stories about yourself (all untrue)

Lol sorry for the cynicism, im older, so ive seen this played out a few times, with myself and friends. Im sorry he happened to you and i hope you feel nothing but relief and excitment for the future!! It will be glorious!!!

mdisomwnaje −  Ugh what a leech. You deserve so much better.

xlxcx −  Honestly, just reading the original post he seemed absolutely exhausting. I think you dodged a massive bullet here and in a few months as your wounds start to heal you’ll be grateful you jumped when you did

Breakups can be difficult at any time, but ending a relationship while grieving can be especially challenging. Have you ever had to make a tough decision during a period of deep loss? How did you navigate it, and what helped you move forward? Share your experiences in the comments below.