UPDATE; My (25F) partner bought his affair partner around our daughters (9 and 5)

A Reddit user shares an emotional update on the aftermath of her partner’s affair, which involved their two young daughters. After discovering the affair and learning that her partner had kept it a secret from her, she confronted him, only to find out that the affair partner, Naomi, is pregnant.

The user has now decided to take a break with her daughters and stay with her brother, all while continuing relationship counseling, mainly for the children. She reflects on how her partner never intended to include her daughter, Lucy, in their future. Read the original story below…

‘ UPDATE; My (25F) partner bought his affair partner around our daughters (9 and 5)’

This OP: My (25F) partner bought his affair partner around our daughters (9 and 5)

Found out my partner had been having an affair, didn’t realise he’d involved the children. We’ve been going counselling since he admitted to the affair, which ended 6months ago. I have two daughters; Lucy and Jessica, Jessica had ran up to Naomi (the affair partner) despite not having reason to know Naomi which is how I found out that he had involved Lucy and Jessica.

Lucy is not my partner’s biological daughter but he’s always treated her the same, when I asked about being involved with the affair Jessica had told me it was meant to be a secret. Lucy had told me the basics which was family days out etc which hurt but I had decided to wait to confront my partner in counselling but throughout the day Lucy had 3 accidents and got so anxious she threw up all of her dinner.

I asked Lucy and she wouldn’t tell me which is unlike her so after some probing she told me that daddy had told her that if she told me when we separated he wouldn’t be her daddy anymore and wouldn’t want her. This was a lot of stress on Lucy and explains her wetting herself constantly lately, we’d assumed she had a weak bladder as my sister had the same problem around Lucy’s age.

I obviously couldn’t sit on that info and confronted him that very night. We got into this huge screaming fit, a lot of harsh things were said and as it turns out Naomi is pregnant! He’d never ended things with her but rather couldn’t/ didn’t want to decide between us. I’d love to know how he planned on hiding his other family from me had Jessica not revealed this.

I’ve told Lucy and Jessica that we’re going for a little vacation until school starts (Thursday so not long) and are staying with my brother. I’ve had one text from what I guess is my ex telling me that he’s sorry things went this way and he’ll always be there for me and Jessica. Had I wanted to get back together with him and heal our relationship I realise he’d never include Lucy in that.

We’re still going to relationship counselling but mostly for the children now, Lucy is still wetting herself and is blaming herself for this despite not fully knowing what actually happened. I’m not actually sure where to go from here because everything happened really fast, I’ve told my ex that he needs his things packed for Thursday because I’m not going to mess Lucy around anymore.

For the most part Jessica hasn’t even asked where her dad is but only that she doesn’t want to stay with him alone when I told her he may take her to the park Saturday (not in those words but she cried).

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

legaladviceneededbe −  Get the girls, especially Lucy into therapy. they need it.

boratlikesyouhard −  That dude is abusive and manipulative. I generally am for split custody, byt the way he treated or rather threatened Lucy makes me feel you should push for full custody and more

mielparaochun −  This guy is going to hell. To decide you don’t want your relationship is fine, but to do that to a child is evil. She doesn’t understand what’s going on and for him to put such a burden on her for his own selfish reasons, is unforgivable.

I hope he does the right thing and if he plans on not having a relationship with your oldest daughter that he weans her off rather than cutting her out entirely. I hope you don’t continue this relationship. It’s not good. He’s not a good person, and now there whole other child involved. I hope you work this through.

princesscraftypants −  For the most part Jessica hasn’t even asked where her dad is but only that **she doesn’t want to stay with him alone** when I told her he may take her to the park Saturday (not in those words but she cried). Uh…what? Along with Lucy’s wetting incidents and vomiting, I am…concerned.

I’d suggest therapy for kids while the divorce proceeds just to help them process it and not feel guilty or anything, but those other realization from the girls make me think it should happen sooner rather than later.

[Reddit User] −  How does someone tell a child that? Especially when they are a parent(even non-biological) to that child. That’s so incredibly sad. I’m so sorry for you and your daughters. And then that he can’t decide between the two of you? He doesn’t have to worry about that any longer. I’m glad you found out the kind of person he is now rather than later.

gotanysparechang33 −  I know this is absolutely hard right now but I promise it’ll get better with time. It’s an absolutely great idea for therapy for the kids. I’m starting to think they’re starting to understand or connect the dots of the situation but they aren’t sure why its happening.

It’s wild that he thought he’d get away with having two family’s tbh but I’m glad lucy told you. I think it’s best to have a therapy session explaining things to her and that it isn’t her fault. I think she really needs to hear that from you and maybe even an outsider for extra reassurance.

Remember his cheating has nothing to do with anything you were lacking and his spot for a new mistress has most likely opened up now that Naomi is now his ‘main’ girl smh. Don’t even worry about him anymore. Just focus on you and your girls and take some time to heal and bond together. You guys really need it! I’m wishing you peace and happiness for both you and your girls. Good luck!

Pettyinblack −  why are these children so afraid of their father that they wet themselves and cry to not be left alone with him. Im so sorry you and your daughters are going through this. im glad the family is in therapy.

scarletnightingale −  he’ll always be there for me and Jessica. I noticed the omission of Lucy. What an awful person he is. He has an affair, gets your kids involved, gets someone else pregnant, lies about the entire thing then decides to put it all on a f**king 9 year old telling her “It’ll be your fault mommy and I split up and I won’t love you anymore”.

That is an evil human being. I can’t understand doing that to a child you’ve loved and raised as your own. It’s m**strous. Please get her some therapy or family therapy for you and the girls, Lucy is going to especially need it. I’m just so angry on her behalf.

Froot-Batz −  You should tell Lucy that she’s your hero and she saved you from a bad situation.

Namshoke −  He destroyed your daughter. She will have to live with the things he said for the rest of her life. You need to put your daughters into therapy ASAP. Like yesterday. Don’t get back with him. Don’t chose a man over the well-being of your baby. Your daughter. Who is currently suffering from what that man did. Who saw him as daddy and now no longer has that.

Do you think the Reddit user is making the right choice by prioritizing her daughters’ emotional well-being over the possibility of reconciliation? How would you cope with the devastating realization that your partner not only had an affair but kept such a significant secret from you? Share your thoughts below!