(Update) My (23F) sister (30F) is upset I babysit my friends’ (23M and 22F) baby over her nightmare kid. How can I get my family to understand that her kid is a nightmare?

A Redditor provided an intense update on her family drama after refusing to babysit her nephew due to his challenging behavior and her sister’s refusal to seek help for him. The situation escalated dramatically: her sister abandoned her son at a safe haven, leaving behind a note saying she “couldn’t do it anymore.”

The child is now in the care of their grandparents, with mandatory therapy underway. Meanwhile, the poster is grappling with the emotional fallout, as her family partially blames her, while also apologizing for past tensions. Read the original story below…

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/cLYWS

‘ (Update) My (23F) sister (30F) is upset I babysit my friends’ (23M and 22F) baby over her nightmare kid. How can I get my family to understand that her kid is a nightmare’

My original post was about 3 days ago, and ever since that post my sister’s behavior escalated. I tried to talk to her about getting help for my nephew, and she kept screaming at me everytime I brought it up. She said a lot of derogatory terms towards people with mental illnesses and mental disabilities, terms I won’t repeat here.

That wasn’t the only escalation. She was at my door several times a day starting 2 days ago (the day after I made my original post). Banging on my door, screaming, crying, cursing, the works. She brought my nephew each time and he always looked so confused and defeated.

He was too tired to react or meltdown like he normally does around loud noises, and it broke my heart to see that on my doorbell camera. I wasn’t at my house. I was crashing with my friend and his wife. I took the advice of a commenter who said to put some physical distance between me and my sister.

They said I was free to stay as long as I wanted as long as I helped out with some house chores and childcare while I stayed, which I thought was more than fair. So I’m staying in their guest room currently. I’m still with them, even though my sister isn’t much of a problem.

Many will be glad to know, that my sister won’t have parental rights over my nephew soon. She dropped him off at a safe haven site in the middle of the night. (Totally a *fun* phone call to wake up to at 2 in the morning. 😒) And my nephew is currently with my parents.

Social services placed him with my parents, and he’s set to have mandatory therapy. In my state (don’t know if it’s different in others) if a child is abandoned in anyway, safe haven or not, a physical and mental health examine is done. Other than being a little bit underweight, my nephew was physically health.

He wasn’t being physically abused like a few people were worried. But it was obvious he needed mental health, so he’ll be starting therapy sessions soon, as mandated by a case worker. We are not looking for my sister. After she dropped her son off, she left.

She had quit her job a few weeks back, sold her car, and even her house a few weeks ago and had been renting a place, so this was planned. In my personal opinion, she planned to abandon her son the day I was babysitting my friend’s baby, which is why she had such a nuclear reaction.

She did leave a note, saying she can’t do it anymore, she met someone, and that she doesn’t want to be a mom to my nephew anymore. In her note she said she deserves a normal kid, and not a burden like my nephew.

I seriously hope that my sister doesn’t have anymore kids with this mystery person she’s referencing, but it seems like she’s running off to start a new life and family. She still has 30 days to reclaim rights over my nephew, but it doesn’t look like she’ll do that. Time will tell.

Like I said, I’m still with my friends because I was worried my sister would do something. My parents and brother have also been blowing up my phone and coming to my house, switching between apologies and blaming me for this.

They think that maybe if I babysat that day, she wouldn’t have done this, but I think she wanted me to babysit so she could do this. I’m not mad at them for blaming me, I understand that my sister is still their family and they’re rightfully in shock and want someone to blame.

They’re human, and I know humans can be cruel sometimes while going through shock and grief. So, yeah, that’s life right now. I’m currently sitting on the couch with my friend’s baby while my friend is at work and his wife does a quick grocery run.

She was going to take the baby, but I insisted on watching him so she didn’t have to hassle with the car seat in the very stormy weather we have in our area right now. This update is all over the place, I feel like I’m rambling.

There’s still a lot of unknown stuff regarding my sister and nephew, but for now this is the update. I don’t know if I’ll post more regarding this situation. My friend’s wife is telling me I should relax and just not think about anything relating to this until I’m more level headed, but I don’t think that’s possible.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

RickRussellTX −  Understand exactly why your brother and parents tried to shame you into babysitting: As long as you manage your sister and help her with her kid, she’s out of their hair. You’re the human shield, OP.

Vuirneen −  At least your nephew will get the help he needs now.  

clearheaded01 −  OP.. Be aware the next problem is coming: Your parents and brother will attempt to pressure you into accepting custody of your nephew.. Be prepared.

ChrisInBliss −  Yikes op. I think youre right she was planning on abandoning the baby with you that day and never coming back. Hope your family also gets therapy so they stop misplacing their anger.

zanne54 −  Make plans for the eventuality that your parents claim they’re too old and tired to raise your nephew, and your brother claims he can’t because he’s too busy with his own child.

AffectionateBite3827 −  Pretty funny that the grandparents who claimed they were “too old” to occasionally babysit are now full-time parents to this kid! And if your family wants to blame someone for your sister abandoning her child, maybe they should blame *your sister*.

You know…the person who abandoned her kid in the middle of the night? Maybe some of their anger could be directed her way. Calling b**lshit that if you had babysat the one time she wouldn’t have done this. She had her ducks in a row to bail and that’s not on you.

gemmygem86 −  Your parents and brother said you should have helped her because she’s family but wtf are you to them?

SunbathingNapCat −  I’m sorry to hear that. But yes, you need to rest while your supposed family comes to terms that their sister/daughter failed them as a mother to your nephew and as a person.

one_bean_hahahaha −  Having raised a child that was ultimately diagnosed with ASD and ADHD, I get how exhausting and lonely that is. I won’t lie and say I never fantasized about leaving town, but a fantasy was all it ever was and not one I took remotely seriously.

I feel sad for this kid, as he could have been assessed and both he and his mom receiving support if his mom wasn’t so stubbornly ableist. Even if there is no evidence of physical abuse,

don’t discount the effect of verbal/emotional abuse. His mom’s behaviour most likely exacerbated his problems as well. Hopefully he will get the help he needs now.

Silent_Syd241 −  You do know that they will eventually come to you to take your nephew. You need to prepare yourself for that whether it’s having to go no contact or moving because they will harass you like your sister did.

What are your thoughts on this complex family situation? Do you think the Redditor’s boundaries were justified, and how would you handle the fallout from such a drastic decision by a family member? Share your perspective below!