Update – My (21M) girlfriend (22F) got into a wheelchair. Don’t know if we’re compatible anymore
A Reddit user shared their frustration about their girlfriend’s actions, which have caused tension in their relationship. After their girlfriend invited her ex to a social event, despite knowing it made the user uncomfortable, he started questioning their compatibility. He feels conflicted about trusting her, especially given their past conversations about boundaries.
As the situation escalated, the user sought advice from others on how to handle his feelings of discomfort and distrust. To understand more about the complexities of this situation and how others have reacted, continue reading the full story below…
‘ Update – My (21M) girlfriend (22F) got into a wheelchair. Don’t know if we’re compatible anymore’
First off, wow. Apparently my thread blew up after I went to sleep. I didn’t find out until the next morning, because my girlfriend told me about it. I was so embarrassed and mortified. She had already read the whole thing and my comments. I honestly didn’t know what to say I could only say I was so sorry and that I didn’t want her to find out like this.
She was calm.. Told me it was okay, said it touched her.. Can’t really describe how I felt. We just held each other for a very long time. Might be weird but I knew I needed to be with her when she found out. I started thinking about a life without her, and I simply couldnt. I can’t give up on this girl. We’ve talked a lot about ‘us’ the past few days, which was long overdue.
I have apologized over and over.. She’s so understanding and doesn’t blame me for having doubts.. A person this special I won’t find again, but I hate myself for having thought about breaking up. She’s still the same person. I should have communicated my feelings to her. I’m a very lucky guy. I really do love her to the moon and back.
Regarding therapy, I have called for an appointment but they have a few weeks of waiting time until they got time for me. Y’all were right. Can’t hurt to give it a try, maybe I was unlucky with my former therapists. But I already feel wayyy better now that everything is out in the open. And the girl who I talked to I’ve cut off completely.
My gf knew straight away who it was and wanted to warn me to stay away from her earlier, but she didn’t want to come off as crazy. Didn’t realize she was into me. We’re doing some research so we can try to be intimate again but we got time, no hurry.
Thanks for the overwhelming support and replies. I was lost but I know everything will fall into the right place eventually.. I’m with her till the end. We’re going to keep open communication, which will be priority. We’re doing very well now. She knew something was up with me too, she knows me too well. Hope everyone here has a great day. Thanks.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
noobswboobs − i wish you both a lifetime of happiness and joy! there will always be challenges, but together i’m sure you can get through anything. best of luck to y’all :))
ShimmeringNothing − Wow, that was a really understanding reaction on her part. Sounds like a keeper, honestly.
Perimeri − I love this update, your girlfriend is incredible!
[Reddit User] − Don’t feel guilty. That’s a normal reaction to a drastic change on your SO’s health. Several friends went thru drastic health problems and dealt with staying together or not. Most made it thru but several split up. Be patient and honest.
[Reddit User] − Great. Ya made this old girl with a disabled husband cry Like a baby.. In a good way, though.💖
[Reddit User] − Often when a SO finds out their SO is posting about them, it ends ugly. This is not the case, you both seem very mature and know what they want from each other which is a life together. A disability does not define a person, although it’s a challenge, it can also be the glue that keeps you together because it will help you find different ways to make it work and get better. Live the present as if you are preparing for the future because you are. Best of luck lil bro
TransgenderPride − Sometimes the best thing is for the person to find out the thing you’re so afraid of them knowing
DivinaPiscatores − Life is always worth a shot. If it doesn’t work out later on because of difficulties, at least you spent that time with someone you clearly love and who clearly loves you. Many partners would not have taken that thread in the way she did. If you both want to make it work and stay committed, it will work, no matter what happens.
It’s up to you two to decide if that’s the best option for you both. Sounds like you have and it seems like you both are the right type of people to make it happen. As someone with a GF of several years with a chronic debilitating illness, leaving will always be an option. The door is never locked.
But choosing to stay won’t always be an option, and if you never give it a shot you’ll never find out if the pain and suffering from supporting one person will be dwarfed the amount of love, support, and, growth you get from giving that part of you.
saberhagens − My mom is paralyzed. My dad met her after she was paralyzed. I grew up with her like that so I haven’t known anything else. I started talking to a guy in high school who was also in a wheelchair. My dad took me aside one night and told me that I needed to really think about it. Because it was really hard. And it is.
It’s really hard. It’s a lot different when it’s your mom and you have to help her do basic things like pick her up from the bath or when she’s fallen off the toilet. These things are a lot easier when it’s your mom and not your lover. So it’s hard. But all love is hard it’s in own way. And with all love you have to choose every time you have a doubt to continue to forge on.
Those moments of doubt may be slightly more common when you’re dealing with a disability like this but the choice to stay or leave is the same. She sounds a lot like my mom, super forgiving and understanding. I think my biggest advice to you would be to realize where she can handle herself and ask her how she would like you to offer help.
It’s a learning process but just be open to talk through it all. Be open with what’s bothering you and what’s hard for you and ask her to do the same. But you both sound like you have a good idea of what is going to change and what you need to do for each other now. Good luck!
Do you think the user was justified in expressing his discomfort, or should he have trusted his girlfriend’s judgment regarding her friendship with her ex? How would you approach a situation where your partner’s actions cause feelings of insecurity and distrust? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!