[UPDATE] Me [31F] with my husband [35 M] married 2 years together for 10. He doesn’t want his kids to be like me.

After enduring years of emotional abuse and harsh criticism in her marriage, a woman shares an empowering update: she finally left her husband after realizing she couldn’t spend the rest of her life in such a toxic environment.

Though it took time and immense courage, she has rebuilt her life, rediscovered joy, and found supportive relationships. Her story is a testament to resilience and hope for those in similar situations.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/WpRxt

‘ [UPDATE] Me [31F] with my husband [35 M] married 2 years together for 10. He doesn’t want his kids to be like me.’

It took me 3 more years, but I finally left him last year. This post helped me see how much was wrong in our relationship, but I was still so hesitant to leave.
We had pets and a beautiful home together and I loved his family and we had so many inside jokes and plans for the future.

But eventually it was all just too much for me to take any longer. The day after his parents’ 50th anniversary party, I told him I wanted a divorce. I just couldn’t see myself living like that for 50 years. I moved from the suburbs to the city with a friend.

I rekindled some old friendships from high school and made a bunch of new friends who I am so thankful for. He kept the dog, I took the cats.
I thought my life was ending but it was just beginning.
I told my (very religious) family and they were all understanding and supportive. I’ve maintained friendships with a good number of our mutual friends, friendships I was worried about losing.

I’m working on my masters degree and volunteering and experiencing life and love and art and beauty like I never thought was possible. I met a guy at a friend’s punk rock show and we hit it off, but we are taking things very slowly. He is wonderful and so kind to me.

If you are in an a**sive relationship, please don’t be afraid to leave.
It gets so much better. I still miss him from time to time. I feel guilty about getting divorced, guilty for wasting my parents money on a failed marriage. I miss his parents. I miss my dog. But I am SO MUCH happier. My future feels uncertain, but that is better than feeling like a d**th sentence.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

maedocc −  My future feels uncertain, but that is better than feeling like a d**th sentence. Yes! I remember reading once that what human beings are scared of most is uncertainty.

So in a way, staying with your a**sive husband — while awful and full of emotional abuse — was the safe option because you *knew* what you were in for. Leaving him was an act of bravery and I hope your future is full of warmth and love.

rainyreminder −  I’m so glad you left and are in a better place. Good job. 🙂

mystery_bitch −  Good for you OP and thank you for the update. Sometimes it is so hard to leave unbalanced situations like that because at least you feel like you “know” your situation, and that can feel better than the unknown. I know how horribly he’ll react to this so I can prepare for it.

I know to walk on eggshells so I am ready for it. You do your best to act as your partners “handler”, like some kind of lion tamer. But relationships should not be like that.. I am happy for you!

shimmy_doodle −  Congratulations! I’m so so very happy for you for changing how your story ends, please keep telling others so more people can be inspired to leave a**sive relationships like you have! It must have taken so much courage to take that leap , but so worth it!

And I totally understand where you came from and where you’re going, my child’s father would ask me such deprecating questions too, he broke me till one afternoon i was so low i hurt myself without thought, believing I deserved to be punished because I struggled to make him happy,

but the moment I felt the pain I realized i was hurting myself for someone who obviously doesn’t love me , when i should be healing myself for my child’s life. I eventually left him a few months later, and my life soared after that!. ​

7 years later I now have a happy home to myself and my little one with our cat, I spend my days free to do what I want with out walking on eggshells, my skin itself has cleared up because im not drinking as much,

and my stress levels are down one million percent, Ive created hundreds of pieces of happy art and best of all, I met an amazing man who takes care of me and respects me who is everything I ever wanted!. ​. IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER!!!

pwerfulpanda −  Congrats on your new life, I’m glad you’re happier, I wish you nothing but the best, and a new dog, happy new life x

christinaymt −  As someone who left an a**sive relationship as well, I agree with much of this. Being uncertain if your future is so much better than being unhappy. I think I was so afraid of the uncertainty (of ending up alone, of losing people, etc) that I didn’t even see how freeing uncertainty is.

If things are uncertain, it means you can choose so many directions, and there are so many possibilities. Uncertainty feels like freedom once you leave a controlling and a**sive situation. I never realized that when I was still in it.

squishybloo −  Hey, uh.. I’ve only been on this sub for a short while, but reading your old thread – and your replies – brought me unhappily back to the seven year marriage that I left two years ago. I’m really glad you got out. <3 It’s hard as hell, but it’s so worth it.

[Reddit User] −  I read your first thread, and I’m honestly shocked you were able to get out. He had such a stronghold on you. Congratulations on building the strength needed to escape this monster.

prettylittledr −  Congratulations on your weight loss! No longer will you carry that burden. I read online that it takes about 7 attempts to walk away from an a**sive partner. I was with my ex for 2 years and tried multiple times to leave.

I’m so happy for you! Congratulations again on your new life! You deserve it! And all the good and all the love that is heading your way! You Are Enough!!! xoxo

Aiakya −  Congrats to you! So happy for you and even more so being a real life example of that there truly is rainbows after the storm and leaving, while scary and daunting in the moment, leads to a much better quality of life. ^_^ We are all deserving of finding our happiness, truly.