[Update] Me [30 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of 1.5 years, I asked him to consider getting a job and now I feel like a demon

A woman shares an update about her boyfriend who refused to work, despite her request for him to contribute. In an effort to make him understand the importance of responsibility, she stopped working herself and gave him a taste of the consequences.

This led to an intense reaction, and after two weeks of not working, she realized it was time to move on. She found a new path for herself, enrolling in a welding program, getting a part-time job, and even moving out to start fresh. Read the full story of how this drastic approach gave her the closure she needed.

‘ [Update] Me [30 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of 1.5 years, I asked him to consider getting a job and now I feel like a demon’

So, I brought up a lot of the points that you guys brought up in the last thread, including: “How would you feel if I stopped working?” and I actually threw out an ultimatum of “If you had to choose between getting a job and being with me, which would it be?”

I wish I could tell you I took the calm, rational, mature route and just walked out to a new life. I decided to have a tiny bit of fun instead. I’ve got a decent amount of money saved up since his dad didn’t charge me rent and that was the entire purpose of me staying here (please note: I prefer to carry my own weight and still contributed as far as preparing meals, buying food and buying drinks!).

I put my notice in at my previous job without informing my boyfriend. Once the notice period was up, I started staying home. Every. Day. Wake up in the morning and he says “…don’t you have work today?” and I’d be like “Eh, I don’t feel like it”. The first few days he was like “Awesome!” and we sat around playing games.

After the first week he starts getting a little anxious and he’s like “So…what’s up with work?” and I tell him “Oh, y’know, just not feeling like it”. After the second week he says “What’s going on?!” and I tell him that I thought a lot about what he’s said, and I really agree with him. I don’t feel like working and contributing to “the machine” either, so I’ll just stay here with him.

He FLIPPED OUT. He started telling me how irresponsible that is, how I have to work, basically the entire diatribe that I should have been screaming at this kid the entire time we were together. Except at me. Because I didn’t go to work for 2 weeks.

I kinda figured that would happen and I wanted something drastic to point out to him that, as I said before, he is a h**ocrite. Because, he is! I have to admit a small part of me was kind of hoping this would be a revelation to him, and help him change. No, he just couldn’t fathom how I could possibly do something so ridiculous and blah blah blah.

Anyway. What I actually did after leaving my job was find a part time job and go down to the local community college to pull the trigger on something I’ve wanted to do for a couple years now: enroll in a welding program. I also found a roommate in the area who’s cool with my animals, and that way I can split my bills up and not be strapped for cash.

Plus I sometimes drive for Uber and this is an okay market with a decent bar scene on weekends, so if I need a little extra, there’s that. So I’ve moved out and moved on, and y’know, I’m not even that sad because I got closure out of that whole event.

I’m also pursuing the cliche of hitting the gym more/at all, and hoping to lose a little weight. Though, I did just lose 180 useless pounds, so maybe that’s enough for now. :p Anyway, I know I didn’t go about it in the right way, but I thought if any of you were curious to know, here’s how it went. Thanks Reddit!

**tl;dr**: The kid ain’t alright and I GTFO’d. I am free to prey on the geeky men of Cleveland again.

Edit: Sweet Jesus, this exploded, and you are all very kind and amazing! Lots of people PMing and commenting about his actual “reaction”, but to be honest…I feel like I’d have to be a trained therapist to even figure it out.

After he flipped out at me and I pointed out that it was really was just a “what’s good for the goose…” scenario, he got kind of quiet and said I was being mean. I told him that it had become pretty obvious that tying to talk to him about everything wasn’t doing me much good, so I had decided to actively show him.

He told me that it doesn’t change anything about the way he feels about not working. I told him that he’s got to find some way to contribute, or I walk. He told me it would be my decision. So, it was. Basically…to this day he still believes he’s “right”, or at the very least he hasn’t done anything wrong.

There’s some sort of disconnect in his brain where he can’t connect the part of him that loves me and wants to take care of me, with the part of him that doesn’t want to work and wants to live off his parents forever. It’s pretty sad, really.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

myassholealt −  OP this is awesome. I know lots of people say take the high road, don’t play games etc., but we all dream of getting to do something like this before we walk out the door. You’re a hero! And good luck with everything.

[Reddit User] −  I did something similar with my ex. Every issue I had tried to discuss with him, it would boil down to that he’s doing nothing wrong and I’m the one who needs to change if I don’t like it. One of my issues was that his stupid dog was untrained and he did nothing for it.

It constantly ate my clothes. Upwards of $800 worth. This dog would go to great lengths to eat my clothes and he didn’t care. So I started wearing his clothes and she started eating holes into all of his underwear, pants and shirts and then suddenly he cared.

I also had days where I would do “opposite days” and I would act like him. Doing nothing all day, saying I’ll do something but never doing it. Pushing him away when he came around. He got so upset with my behavior and asked why I was acting so weird. And I told him that I was only doing what he does to me.

[Reddit User] −  Best update ever! I was worried when I read you quit your job, but you had the college plan all along. I’m so freaking impressed. I think you’re amazing!

Sarahhhhhhhh8 −  That’s f**king awesome. You’re really cool. Good luck!

[Reddit User] −  omg you are so f**king amazing. this is the best thing ive ever read on this sub reddit. just saw Cleveland. I am 30M from the east side, I do have a GF but I have a lot of single friends! PM me if you ever go out downtown or DTW, be glad to get a beer with ya!

DRHdez −  Lady justice boner on a Saturday morning are awesome. OP you’re great! Best of luck on your new career 😉

AllRedditIDsAreUsed −  This would make a good post for one of the revenge subreddits, I think. Good on you for moving towards one of your life goals and getting rid of a leech!

Inevitablename −  I usually tell people here that closure is overrated but damn, girl. You found it.

CritFailingLife −  I missed your first post, but the whole thing reminds me a bit of my first husband. When we got together I was 19 and he was 22 and he had recently quit working and was living with and supported by his parents, but it was because his dad had said, “look, we really want you to go to college.

Just go to college and we’ll pay for everything so you don’t have to worry about supporting yourself through it.” And he was passionate about his planned major and dream job after, so I wasn’t concerned.

Then we moved in together and he had had some trouble passing one particular class that he needed (a math one that just wasn’t clicking for him that he’d taken a few times without being able to really get it) so he stopped going to school. But he didn’t get a job either. And he didn’t do housework.

So I was working full time, going to school, and coming home and cleaning up after him and caring for the pets and doing meal prep. Then I gave him an ultimatum about getting a job and he finally did.

He’d been working for all of three months in our three year relationship at the point when we were having some major relationship issues (shocker, right?) and on top of that, he was nervous about one of my coworkers being a little too close to me and he demanded that I quit my job to be away from that person.

So I talked to my boss about it and while policy didn’t allow a leave of absence at my level, he said I’d officially have to quit, but that he’d consider it a leave of absence and hold my spot for the few months I asked for.

I was home and not working (but doing all the housework and all that better than ever since I had all day to do it) for all of a week before he started yelling at me about how I really needed to get a job.

This was the man who’d spent the last two years living in my apartment, leaving empty soda cans and dirty dishes around the place for me to clean, wracking up credit card debt on *my* credit cards because he just didn’t get it when I explained that since he’d already maxed them out,

that $5 lunch he was getting was actually costing $54 when the over limit fee was added in and he still got fast food every day. Good job getting out before it got that bad! I’m glad you had a little fun with it 🙂

chesterfeildsofa −  Duuuuuude I took welding in highschool and I’m a girl as well! I love it! I was reading this for the first time out loud to my boyfriend and when I saw the welding program part I freaked out and screamed “OMG THAT’S CRAZY AWESOME!!” And he started laughing.

Way to go. I am so glad you got rid of your ex and decided to try welding. It is a really great career path, and if you don’t do it full time it’s still nice to know you can do it while most people don’t have a clue how.

There is a group on facebook called “women welders” you should join. They post a lot of neat stuff. You can put pictures of your work and others will try to help you out based on what the welds look like and tell you how to fix it.

It’s clear that sometimes taking drastic action is necessary to make someone realize the impact of their behavior. Do you think the woman did the right thing by walking away, or would you have handled it differently? What would have been your approach in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below.