*Update* Last year, boyfriend (33m) quitted his job without telling me and now he refused to look for another job. I’m (31f) tired of paying for everything
A Reddit user returned with an update on her unemployed boyfriend who refused to work while relying on her financially. After confronting him and ending the relationship, he reacted violently, even threatening her dogs.
Thankfully, she had friends nearby who intervened, and the police removed him from the apartment. Despite his family’s attempts to gaslight and harass her, she stood her ground and cut ties. Now, with him out of her life, she’s thriving—happier, financially free, and even got a promotion. Read the full story below…
‘ *Update* Last year, boyfriend (33m) quitted his job without telling me and now he refused to look for another job. I’m (31f) tired of paying for everything’
It’s been 2 months since I posted about my situation on this sub and I just want to give you an update of how things went after I made that post. Before I go into the details, I just want to say I really appreciate everyone here. After I resolved everything, I occasionally would go back to my original post and read the comments to remind myself that I’ve done the right thing.
After posting on here, I went home from work that day and asked my friends to come over but stay in the parking lot while I sort things out with my now ex bf. Before I could even start the conversation, he told me his friend got a new car recently and how I should get him a car since I can afford it. I got really upset and told him he could’ve got himself a car if he was working.
I told him how stressful it has been for me with him not working and fully relying on me. He started the “my life is already miserable and you’re not being supportive” talk. I was sick of it. So I said I wanted to end things here and he needs to move out asap. As expected, he got upset and threw a tantrum.
He was yelling, throwing stuff around, and when he realized I was being dead serious, he started threatening to hit and kill my dogs. I jumped in between him and the dogs to stop him from harming them. Then he pushed me, and grabbed me by my neck. I was able to get him off of me, put the dogs into a room, and called my friends to tell them come in and call the police.
He was trying to hit me but my friends got there in time. I think he got scared when he saw my friends showed up, so he backed down but still verbally telling them to get out of the way or he would hit them too. The police came. They took him away and told me he wouldn’t be able to come into the apartment anymore.
He had to move but would need to be escorted by the police if he wants to grab his stuff later. It was a horrible experience, but it showed me that I’ve done the right thing. I thought that was the end of everything. But his aunty called me when she found out, and tried to gaslight me saying that he didn’t do anything wrong and I was just upset so I called the police.
I told myself that I no longer have to deal with these b**lshit, so I told her to leave me alone and hung up. His family would continue to harass me but stopped when I threaten to report to the police. I continue to pay the rent and bills like how I’ve always been doing. The only thing that’ve changed is I’m now so much happier.
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in years. I just got a promotion last week. I’ve been spending time enjoying life (with the extra money I have since I no longer having to pay for his expenses). As for my ex, he’s moved in with his aunt. I got a protection order so we are not in contact at all.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
SolitaireOG − Wonderful update! Congrats to you, you’re strong and capable and now you can live in peace
xpgx − I’m so sorry you went through that. No one deserves to feel unsafe in their own home. You did the smart thing, calling your friends and the police. You are strong, and so capable of having a fulfilling life that is all your own now. I’m very proud of you!
Sweetragnarok − OP will you be able to move? Given he seems unhinged, what are the chances of him coming back in a later date. he already has escalated to violence and seems like he has gotten his rotten morals from his family who enables him and may do the same (I read way too much RA and Boru hearing how bad things escalates)
I hope you are able to do the following: * Filing a restraining order and documenting all instances of the abuse that has escalated. * Consider moving and keep the information where you move to the downlow. Plus a change of place may do wonders for your mental health.
* Invest in a ring doorbell cam. Its for your safety and the dogs. * Alert your rental/apt or property that he is not allwed unless on a scheduled time to pick up his stuff. * Find a safe space for you and your animals, in case he escalates again.
Anyone who has gone to his manic level of harming you and animals will repeat until they find another obsession. he is an abuser and he’s at the stage he lost control and is going berserk but may also be bidding his time Better be overly cautious than not. I hope you be fully free of him
[Reddit User] − 👏🙌🥳🍾Well done on making the right decision. Enjoy your life!
ThrowRA_blackberry1 − I’m considering moving to a new place because of the reasons you mentioned. I asked the property manager and they said I can terminate the lease without any charges because I have a DV case and a protection order. Seeing how violent he got, I really think he’s capable of doing much more.
EldritchKoala − ” Before I could even start the conversation, he told me his friend got a new car recently and how I should get him a car since I can afford it. ” If I’ve ever seen an example of “Life gave you a sign.”, it’s OP’s leading sentence… and holy s**t, he went insane. Good luck with the next part of life OP.
Junior-Rope-4883 − Awesome! It’s SUCH a good feeling to get rid of dead, abusive weight isn’t it?!? Congratulations, enjoy your freedom!
[Reddit User] − I hope you read this and seriously consider it. We are attracted to what is normal to us, not necessarily what is good for us. You need to spend some time with a therapist unpacking what in your past taught you to accept being used.
Women, especially, are often taught to be people pleasers, even to the point of their own detriment. I hope you spend some time re-wiring yourself to only accept respectful, loving treatment. My heart breaks that you went through this. I sincerely wish you well
[Reddit User] − Smart woman!! Congratulations on getting out. One important point, since sometimes people go back to abusers (look up trauma bonding). If someone chokes or strangles you, they are far more likely to kill you or attempt to kill you later. Stay away from this guy and do not drop the protective order or ever agree to be alone with him for any reason, not even to have closure. You’re living your best life, so keep it that way!
Independent-Size7972 − Awesome! Enjoy the summer without him around!
Breaking free from a toxic situation isn’t easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for true happiness. Do you think she made the right choice? Share your thoughts.