UPDATE: I’ve [M26] decided to break up with my fiancé [F26] of 8 years. Need advice on how to proceed.
A Reddit user (M26) provides an update on his breakup with his fiancé (F26) of eight years. After a difficult and emotional breakup, the two have spent two weeks apart, with the user offering support as his ex-fiancé moved out.
Though sad, the separation has brought a sense of relief. She admitted that she never tried to fix the relationship because she didn’t believe it would end, and she promised to work on herself. The user is confident the breakup was the right decision, despite the difficulty, and plans to move forward with his life. Read the full story below.
‘ UPDATE: I’ve [M26] decided to break up with my fiancé [F26] of 8 years. Need advice on how to proceed.’
I appreciate all of the advice on my last post. i didn’t expect to get so much attention on it. But things went about as expected. She cried, I cried, she begged. It wasn’t pretty. But for two weeks we’ve been broken up and she moved out today. The first few days were aweful.
But afterwards we were able to talk to each other like normal people. And I helped her with everything I could. I let her take the room while I slept on the couch so she could have space and I tried to make myself as scarce as possible.
It’s been a sad time and a sigh of relief. She also admitted to me that the reason she never tried to fix anything was because she didn’t believe I would ever actually break up with her. She apologized and promised to work on herself. Which I appreciate. I told her there wasn’t a chance we could get back together.
We just aren’t right. And she even said she is willing to try being friends after a while and I told her she is free to talk to me anytime but I won’t bother her while she is getting over things.
I’m going to have to work things out properly with my financial status. But this is all for the best and I’m glad It happened. I only wish I could have done it earlier. Thanks again for the advice. It helped a ton.
TL:DR I went through with the breakup and we are both doing fine now. Thank you for your help.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Smile_lifeisgood − She also admitted to me that the reason she never tried to fix anything was because she didn’t believe I would ever actually break up with her. She deserves a lot of credit for not only realizing but vocalizing this. Most people either don’t realize it or are too proud to admit it.
[Reddit User] − Been in your shoes before. We were 25/26, told her we will never get back together, it was very messy and we did live together as well.. 6 months later we got back together and we are now married lol. The time apart gave us time to think and work on our issues alone. Made it a better relationship.
pukahontas-x − Glad you’re both doing fine – a positive outcome for you both. All the best!
ed_lv − You made the right decision. Good luck in the future, and take some time before getting into another serious relationship.
MinuteLeopard − Well done! I just read your original post and I’ve been her before, but we got married. And a year later, divorced. Best of luck for your future!
anonymous_212 − The way I look at it people know us through our boundaries. And our boundaries are made up of what we like and what we don’t like what we want and what we don’t want. If someone is giving you what you don’t want or not giving you what you want, you have an obligation to let them know, courteously and kindly.
If they refuse to respect your boundaries, that disregard threatens the integrity of the relationship. If you fail to inform your partner of your preferences, you are just as much at fault because it’s unfair and infantile to expect someone to read your mind.
Clearly stating your wants and needs gives your partner the opportunity to strengthen the bonds between you. Failing that resentment and silent scorn and then anger and contempt will arise and gradually the relationship will transform.
[Reddit User] − The only sad part is,that she will probably start working on herself like you did but you will never benefit from her improved self. My ex told me how he used my comments during our break up to improve and I just thought: that’s great, why not earlier when we had all these problems and you did nothing. Now somebody else will someday enjoy your better self
manhattanabe − You did the right thing. She obviously does not want/like to have s**. Nothing to fix. If she worked on it, best she could do is have s** without wanting to. Who wants that ??
AngraManiyu − Hey, at least she had the courage to admit that she wasnt trying to fix stuff because she was taking you for granted. I wish you the best, may you find a partner that makes you happy or even your ex fiance if she works on herself
Honesty_From_A_POS − Pretty much the exact reason my ex and I broke up. I was unhappy with that and she didn’t put any effort into fixing it because she never thought I’d break up with her. It’s gonna be hard, but time heals all wounds.
Breakups can be one of the hardest decisions, especially after being in a long-term relationship. It’s good to see the user finding peace in the situation. Have you ever been in a relationship that was difficult to leave but ultimately brought relief? How did you navigate the emotions of ending a long-term commitment? Share your experiences in the comments below.