Update: I[27m] want to marry my gf [25f] of 4 years but I’m not sure if I’m ignoring red flags. I’m now sure.

A Redditor shared how he resolved his concerns about potential red flags in his relationship with his girlfriend of four years. Through open communication and thoughtful planning, he gained clarity about their future together and solidified his decision to propose. Read the heartwarming update below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/crKkF

‘ Update: I[27m] want to marry my gf [25f] of 4 years but I’m not sure if I’m ignoring red flags. I’m now sure.’

It was nice to see that not everyone called me a selfish a.hole and actually gave me great points to consider. I took the advice about making spreadsheets and discussing having separate accounts for things such as “disposable savings” “bills” “emergencies/if one of us loses income/accidents” “holidays” “college found” etc

I sat Tara down yesterday after a nice day out with our dogs and told her I’d like to discuss finances and our future and asked her how she felt about things. I tried to be as respectful as I could, and I told her that while I respect her need to take care of her family, i wanted us to be prepared so that we weren’t left in a dangerous situation ourselves,

especially if we want kids, we should consider what would happen if one of us or both dies, or accidents/illnesses. She was actually very open about it all and agreed with most of it. She said although she doesn’t keep separate accounts for everything, she has a set % in mind when helping her family.

I knew she had savings set aside for emergencies and also for a house but what I didn’t know was that she has started saving for her siblings tuition – a very decent amount) She has been saving a lot more than I thought she did. I’m still amazed at how she was able to save so much.

She showed me her accounts and needless to say I was embarrassed for thinking she would give away all her savings, I should of known she was smarter than that. I also discussed what would happen if she thought we didn’t need something but we wanted it, and consider several scenarios.

She wants to travel the world with me so she’s fine with that as long as I don’t exaggerate with expensive champagne and caviar for breakfast she’s fine with us indulging a little. She is against wasting money though,

so she made it clear she won’t be buying expensive brands herself but said she won’t tell me off for the things I do, which is fine with me. The only thing she said would annoy her is if I ever bought an expensive car (100k +) She thinks they’re a waste as most lose value pretty fast which is fair enough.. The other issue about messiness,

She actually offered a chore list and asked if I wanted to cook or clean, I’m actually hopeless at cooking and she is the best cook I’ve ever met so we decided she would cook and I’ll help with the cleaning. She doesn’t mind getting extra help (cleaner) from time to time as well since we will both be pretty busy

We also decided to have separate wardrobes so that she can chuck her stuff in without messing with mine lol All in all things are looking good, I now have to plan the proposal, can’t wait to start my life with this amazing woman. Thanks everyone

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

StrangerSkies −  In the land of /r/relationships, a story about two rational people being respectful adults together is basically chicken soup for the soul.

kokobeau −  Beware of thinking of chores as her responsibility and something you help her with. If cleaning is delegated as your responsibility then it’s your job to do towards your relationship, not a favor you’re doing for your partner.

DRHdez −  Can we make this post a sticky for all the “I’m not sure if I should marry my SO” posts? Because this right here is what you do. You talk, you disclose, you plan, you commit. Well done OP, best of luck to you.

twilexis −  Yay! Adulting and communication wins again!

Thread_lover −  The amazing thing here is that your woman is an incredible person – I’ve never in my life encountered someone like that, and in your shoes, I’d do 2 things: (1) Make sure I can measure up to someone of such great personal and moral strength, and (2) propose. Only caveat – make sure y’all are on the same page about s** too.

[Reddit User] −  This is just in regards to the messiness thing. I’m currently working towards a very demanding graduate degree, which leaves very very little time for much less. From having taken time between undergrad, and grad school I know that I’m a very tidy person otherwise.

However, because I’ve been so o**rwhelmed with the work that I’ve been doing, I just can’t find the time or energy to investing in tidying up. I think that she’s in a suspended state of stress at the moment, if she has the self-discipline to work towards such a substantial goal, I’m sure that she has the self-discipline to clean up after herself.

You can probably see glimmers of this when it comes to how pristine her kitchen is. There isn’t necessarily a direct correlation between cooking in a kitchen and cleaning a kitchen,

so you can kind of infer that she does enjoy having tidy spaces. She also sounds phenomenal. And her views on rearing children are so refreshing. Unnecessary privilege in children is so disheartening.

[Reddit User] −  Now go get married!

surelynotadoctor −  An important discussion you didn’t have is what happens to the chores when she’s working 60 hours a week, pulling in hundreds of thousands of dollars a year I might add. And what happens with your work?

Does she have the time to teach your kids to behave the way she wants, or will this fall mostly on you? Not questioning your relationship (you have addressed the problems well despite being called an a.hole), you just need to know what you’re getting into.

47Ronin −  Congratulations. 🙂 Work on her a little bit on the expensive stuff, depending. Pick your battles. I was well into adulthood before I realized that sometimes the more frugal option is buying the expensive thing that lasts 10 years instead of buying 10 cheap things that last 1 year each.

[Reddit User] −  What do you mean, she’s going to do the cooking and you’re going to “help clean”? Are you trying to say that she’s going to do the cleaning, too? Why don’t YOU just do the cleaning?

This update shows the power of communication and mutual respect in addressing differences. With clear goals and compromise, the couple strengthened their bond and set a foundation for a promising future. How would you handle concerns in a long-term relationship? Share your thoughts below!