Update: I told my wife she could leave and I wasn’t going to kick my kids out.

A father navigates a tense situation after his wife leaves following conflicts involving her treatment of his older children from a previous marriage. With her extreme demands for reconciliation, including cutting his older kids out of his life and will, he’s left questioning the future of their relationship. Despite the challenges, he prioritizes his children’s well-being and seeks therapy for them. Read the full story below…

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/OOqWf

‘ Update: I told my wife she could leave and I wasn’t going to kick my kids out. ‘

I do want to point something else out because I’m getting attacked for it. I knew about Amanda’s feelings after she gave birth because we’re a married couple but my older children did not. I even asked my kids if they had felt unwelcome and both emphatically have said that prior to them moving in full-time they were under no assumptions that Amanda felt anything but love for them.

They knew that when she had kids they would be her main focus since Liam and Sage mostly lived at their moms but didn’t think her attitude towards them was off until they moved in. And yes I did emphasize they should be honest with me and they said they were, which is why everything that has been happening lately is so devastating for them.

All four of my kids are ok and with me. Amanda is still at her parents house. My older two kids have told me some disturbing things that they’ve been feeling since moving in full-time. It took me a while to get it out of them. They said they’ve been uneasy and have felt like if they put a single toe out of line they’d be forced to go back to their moms or be homeless.

They’ve been trying to be good and perfect and nice and they’re getting worn down. They say they’ve don’t know what changed in Amanda because she used to love them and be kind to them and I didn’t have a good answer but I told them it wasn’t their fault.

My son said he’s worried that she’ll tell the younger ones lies about them or something else and they were uncomfortable being around the kids even though they love them. My daughter again offered to move back to her moms if Liam can stay which broke my heart. Liam said they would live with my parents “if they’d have them” which hurt even more.

I told them they weren’t going anywhere. They said they know how upset I was after the divorce and don’t want that but I told them repeatedly my marriage wasn’t their problem to worry about. Meanwhile Amanda has been texting me non-stop. I’ve not been responding unless it was about Eliza and Becca.

She’s has said some incredibly cruel things about me, my older two kids, and our relationship. Basically telling me my kids just want us to break up just like their stepdad and I shouldn’t let them win. Calling them spoiled and entitled and smart asses who would ruin my life if I keep letting them.

I obviously ignored that but between all this texted me a list she wrote of her ‘non-negotiables’ for her to move back in. They were all pretty deranged, except one did say she wanted cameras put up in common areas. Which I’ve already decided on and ordered. But other than that she demanded:

– cutting sage and Liam out of the will as they will get money from their mom. Which is insane and also it’s hot like we’re talking expecting to be able to leave much to anyone? – the house is the one I had bought with my ex wife, she wants to sell it and buy one to start fresh.

I want to point out that when we got together I told her I was definitely going to be staying in this house until my kids went to college since it’s their childhood home. And now it’s our girls childhood home so I won’t be leaving. – they would need to find somewhere else to live when they turn 18. Also insane because she knows I think that’s trashy and they turn 18 the middle of their senior years.

– she did not want to have to do anything with my older kids, including family events, dinners, and vacations. And yes that would mean excluding my oldest from any family vacations, pictures, all of that. – she does not want *her* (our) daughters around sage or Liam. – she wants veto power over any ‘extra’ time or money id be spending on sage and Liam to ‘make sure things stay fair’

– probably the most deranged one was that she wants half of the child support their mom is sending put into a retirement account in only her name. It was immature but I just did the haha thing to that text and she’s sent some other bs texts to p**s me off. I talked to my father in law earlier today when he picked up/ dropped off the younger girls from church.

He seemed annoyed with the whole situation and referred to it as ‘Amanda’s little tantrum’. Originally the girls were going to go home with them but they threw a fit. Luckily I’m off work this week to be with them. The sad thing is that Sage and Liam have been avoiding the younger girls which is devastating for them but I’m trying to work on explaining everything right now.

I did find a therapist for my kids this week. It’s out of pocket but obviously I can’t wait longer. I don’t know what Amanda is up to. She FaceTimed the girls earlier but I don’t talk to her. I don’t know how fixable this is.

I told her if she wanted therapy I’d set it up and she was emphatic that was not necessary. I told her that was my non-negotiable lol. So not a great update but it’s nice to get feedback. I might not update much if things go the way I think they’re going, but i have to do what I have to do.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Straysmom −  Amanda does indeed sound deranged. Especially about cutting your older kids out & taking *their* child support money for herself. Who TF does she think she is?

s-nicolexo −  I don’t know why you’d want to fix this at this point. She’s got your older kids afraid to spend time with their younger siblings, they’re afraid to act anything less than perfect – by doing this your younger kids are devastated that their siblings won’t spend time with them. This isn’t good for any of them. This situation is so far past fixing it’s not even funny.

TheIngloriousTIG −  I’ve been wondering about this since you last posted. I want to say kudos to you for standing by your kids. They don’t even know (and should never have to find out) how important and meaningful that is. I get the impression from you that it’s just a given that you would, and that makes you a great dad, but it’s not as universal and automatic as it should be.

I posted in your last post about how throwing kids out once they’re legally adults does a lot of harm to your relationship with them. Sadly I know that first hand. I have no idea if your wife will get over herself and take positive steps to reconcile (therapy REALLY should be one of them though).

I will say that your wife as she is behaving right now is not bringing positivity to your life or the life of any of your children. If nothing changes, you’re all better off if she stays with her parents and away from your kids. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.

You’re going to be fine as long as you stay the safe harbor all four of your children can come home to. Even if an ACTUAL real conflict arises between your kids, if everyone is willing to meet each other in the middle with honesty and respect, you’ll get through it. Keep us posted. We’re rooting for you and your kids.

Apprehensive_War9612 −  **She’s gonna accuse your older children of hurting your younger children.** I’m particularly concerned that she’s going to make accusations against your son.

**You need cameras in your home that she is not aware of.** And you actually do need to be recording her FaceTime, and phone conversations with your younger children so that you have a record in case she starts feeding them things to say.

revanchisto −  She’s pretty deranged if this is real. Has she been this way in past relationships? As you noted, therapy for her is the only possible path forward to reconciliation.

Samarkand457 −  Your stbx wife appears to be merrily digging her own grave. Your divorce attorney will have a field day with those messages.

No_Commission_9079 −  Ok so when are you seeing divorce lawyers??? She sounds horrible. Glad you are listening to your kids but she has really shown you her hand and it looks really disgusting.

Analisandopessoas −  These demands involve money, strange

Bearlythegrizzlybear −  You should not reconcile but protect all your kids. I don’t know what she’s going to feed the youngest but it looks like something bad is going to happen. Proceed with the separation/divorce. Stop wasting time and protect all of them from her.  And yes she should get therapy but don’t go back to her. She’s going to mistreated your children if she’s able to be close to them . Edit: typo

SpiteWestern6739 −  Your soon to be ex-wife is actually psychotic. She is quite literally the stereotypical evil stepmother that you see all the time in fiction

The father is trying to protect his kids and maintain fairness in a highly challenging situation. Should he attempt to fix things with his wife or move on for the sake of his family? Share your thoughts below!