[UPDATE] I feel like my white boyfriend is mainly with me for the novelty of being with a “pretty black girl” and clout.

A Reddit user shared concerns that her white boyfriend was dating her for clout rather than genuine love. After an open conversation, they discussed racial dynamics, frat culture, and their relationship, leading to a deeper understanding. Now, they’re taking things day by day. Read the original story below…

‘ [UPDATE] I feel like my white boyfriend is mainly with me for the novelty of being with a “pretty black girl” and clout.’

We didn’t get the chance to see each other all week, but we managed to link on Saturday. I wanted to speak about things in person. I didn’t want to go in all accusatory so I just started to say how I feel (it’s a good idea who knew lmao). I talked to him about how hearing his friend stereotype black people, and my boyfriend laughing and agreeing with him made me feel.

How “Cool black kids” were a prop for them at their partners. Just a source of entertainment and that upset me. They let them in with the expectation that they’ll dance and turn up in a way that’ll make the party cooler. There is ALWAYS a moment at these parties always have the black people dancing in a small small circle doing their thing and everyone else surrounds and sc them.

It’s like a show. I thought it was a coincidence until I knew it was kinda…orchestrated? Black guy walks in and they throw them the aux. Not to mention there were no black guys in the frat or in any of their inner social circles, but they love to have them around to dance for them. I told him that I didn’t even want to get into letting “hot black girls in” hoping they’ll twerk.

But I talked about how it felt like that’s how he saw me. He listened to me the entire time without jumping in and I’ve never had someone do that before so I appreciated it. He spoke and said that because of where he grew up, he was used to tolerating fuckshit. That’s just how people talked around him and way worse behind closed doors.

But never spoke up or anything and he thought that was cool as long as he wasn’t saying it. He sees things differently than I do sometimes, but being with me, he’s trying to do better. Also that, choosing who gets into a party and who to hook up with is purely superficial. But you can’t be with someone for almost a year just because they have a pretty face.

Then we talked about why we were with each other and I won’t get into it, but it was really sweet and emotional. Then we started talking about the “Drip or drown” for guys and **”If she’s not a nine, she stays outside”** for girls. We both agreed it was an awful way to talk about people. He was Frats parties are superficial, and so are clubs and they let people in the same way.

But the more people want to get in, the higher the standards get. At the end of the day, they can let in whoever in they want. It’s their home and they don’t have to make it available for everybody if they want to. His dad was in a frat (his cousins too) and his sister was a sister. It offers a life-long brotherhood, networking and advantages for the field he’s pursuing. Plus, they’re just fun to be in.

So everything worked out and we’re just taking things day by day. Also people got so mad because I called myself pretty. Women are told to accept compliments all the time, but I do it…it makes me conceited? I’m hella pretty and I know it. Stay mad. But to everyone else, thank you so much for the support and advice.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  Hell yeah you can recognise yourself for being pretty. You do you.

acynicalwitch −  You get to make decisions about what behavior is tolerable for you, but don’t fall for the ‘cool girl’ trap. ‘Oh not YOU babe, just THOSE girls. You’re super special because you’re hot enough to be let inside! We would never talk that way about *you*’. Ditto race, here. ‘Oh no, you’re cool, it’s just all those *other* black people.

You’re not like them, you’re *special*.’ is basically the ‘I can’t be r**ist I have black friends’ white bro anthem. Watch what happens if you stop being ‘cool’; if you start calling these behaviors out in real time. What would happen if the next time you’re around all his bros you said, ‘Seriously, Ethan, that’s not cool. Please don’t talk about [x] like that.’? Your racism/sexism spidey senses are tingling. Don’t ignore them.

Makin_Waves −  Honestly it doesn’t really sound like any progress was made here and you’re just rationalizing his behavior cause he said some sweet things to you.

ThePuffDiddyDropped −  As a white male who is married to a black woman, i have feel i should tell you this… If he accepts that talk from his friends then he doesnt respect you. On my first date with my wife(before she was my wife) i had to knock out my own bestfriend(white guy) at the time because he said my wife was “pretty for a black girl”

and then 10 minutes later i heard him tell other mutual friends “She’s still a nigga tho”… It was the easiest decision of my life to knock him out though because im not r**ist and i dont put up with that s**t…

If your boyfriend is putting up with racism from his friends then he doesnt care about you as much as you think he does. He shouldn’t pick and choose when to put up with racism, you either do or you don’t. Edit: Thanks for the Gold Kind Stranger!

dezzykay −  Black girl to black girl…. these kinds of things usually get worse, not better. I was dating a white guy who didn’t quite “get it” but was “learning” from being with me….guess who got called a N***er in fights several times over? This girl! Please continue to think this over.

SurnaLynn −  Girl, y’all made absolutely no progress. I was the black girl in a situation exactly like this. My ex LOVED to have exotic girl and the fact that I am somewhat racially ambiguous made it worse. When someone would ask me “what are you?!” *eye roll* HE would gleefully answer “she’s black and Dominican!” even though I identify as Afro-Latina (aka black). It was weird.

Then one day I was talking about something involving race and he said “yeah, but you’re not like them.” That’s when it hit me that I was the token. Your man is trash, his friends are trash and your talk meant nothing.

polarphucka −  “Don’t worry babe…s’all good.”. Op: glad we cleared the air! Bruh dude gonna be a bruh dude. Stay pretty.. 👍

-cosette- −  As a girl who grew up in a r**ist af family, I had to unlearn all of this crap and actively listened to my black, Asian, Hispanic friends and made the changes necessary, and still work really hard to not be a r**ist piece of crap.

No offense, seems like he just said a few sweet things just to get you off of his back. If he really had a spine he wouldn’t be in an organization that he doesn’t support. Who wants to be in a brotherhood if they morally disagree with their brothers?

Prettymotherfucker −  So he thinks the way the frat treats women at parties is gross but he’s going to stay in the frat? Sounds like nothing changed here.

tuberippin −  Stay mad. Moreso about the whole acceptance of s**tty Greek Life culture than anything else, tbh. You talked. He still comes off like a d**che, but you accepted and endorsed it. That reflects poorly on you.

Open conversations can bring clarity, but do actions always follow words? Do you think this relationship has a strong future, or are there still red flags? Share your thoughts below.