UPDATE I (37M) told my girlfriend (34F) why my family was giving her bad looks at and now I am on week 2 of drama because of it AITA?
A Reddit user shared an update about his relationship struggles with his girlfriend of two years. After multiple conflicts over her behavior—including issues with his family, disrespecting boundaries, and shifting blame—the couple attempted to work things out.
However, when red flags and manipulative tendencies resurfaced, he ultimately decided to end the relationship for the sake of his family and his well-being. Read the full story below.
For those who haven’t read the previous part: https://aita.pics/THyAS
‘ UPDATE I (37M) told my girlfriend (34F) why my family was giving her bad looks at and now I am on week 2 of drama because of it AITA?’
I took some of your advice and stood my ground on pretty much everything, I set boundaries around my daughters birthday dinner, which went great. She did stop by the restaurant for a few minutes and give her some balloons.
She tried to clarify for me that it’s not that she didn’t want my mom around, she “didn’t want to be alone with her cooking”. Which is BS either way in my opinion and I told her that type of request was going to be a deal breaker for me.
We met and talked honestly, we both said we do love each other and I explained these behaviors were just simply not OK. She apologized, basically we made up. We also did go trick or treating together on Halloween, it was good times.
A week goes by, and we see each other once and it was pretty good, but she seems weird about going to my house now. Ok, well go to yours no biggie, or out to lunch. It gets to Saturday and we had made loose plans to go out (dinner and drinks) together, and I decide to cancel.
I was exhausted and was an i**ot the night before and stayed up really late talking on the phone to my college roommate I talk to about once or twice a year. Whiskey was involved. I apologize profusely and say I’m an i**ot but I can tell something is off.
The next day I try and make it up to her, tell her we can go do anything kids or no kids. Tuesday again I try and get us together (as in this last Tuesday). So it begins again. She doesn’t want to see me, and everything in the relationship has been all about me and “to my benefit”.
I apologize more, but then I think, WTF I have done everything for this woman and we do her place and plans at least half the time. I remembered some of your comments, and I just flat out said that’s bull s**t.
Multiple very long texts later I have spelled it out for her why I think it’s bull s**t and also spelled out for her all of her terrible behavior. I started remembering red flags I ignored, and basically laid it all on the table. She immediately apologized profusely, said she was terrible, she never does anything right, I deserve better.
I feel like this is manipulation, and I text back simply I need to sleep on it. I woke up Wednesday morning and called her and broke up. We’re done, I sent another long message about all my reasons as well. She says she’s heart broken, apologizes, reality sets in I am done.
That’s pretty much it, I’m pretty sad about it. The first year was amazing and I really thought I found the one. Time to pick up the pieces and apologize to my daughters for picking the wrong one. I will keep in touch with her kids if they want, they are great kids.
Her son does a bunch of yard work for me and her oldest daughter is a great babysitter. I pay them both pretty good when they do too. Probably done dating for a while, time to focus on myself and our little family.
See what others had to share with OP:
Accurate_Prompt_8800 − I’m glad you’ve come to the conclusion that she isn’t right for you. She is too much – staying with her will only continue to stress you out and make you unhappy. I recommend blocking her completely as the temptation to let her come back and apologise over and over is too easy.
It’s sweet that you want to continue being a figure in her children’s lives – they may not understand why you’re not together now but when they’re older they’ll get it and appreciate you all the more for sticking around. Definitely take the time to heal and focus on yourself. I hope you find peace and the right person for you in the future.
Comfortable-Focus123 − NTA – You interpreted correctly – she was manipulating you. Her behavior pushed you until you could not take any more, and then she apologized when you called her on it, and then repeat the cycle again. Good luck to you.
MD7001 − Friend, you did the right thing. She’s toxic at best. To say this is who she is & wont change is unbelievably self centered & selfish. She’s a control freak until she gets called out.
You do not want this person around your kids. Look, I cuss, it was part of the work environment for 40 years. But for gods sake I don’t drop f bombs in front of kids. If I had been your mom I would have called her out. Wildly inappropriate.
LuneSable − It’s tough, but you did the right thing. Focusing on yourself and your daughters is key now. People who truly care won’t manipulate or make you feel guilty for setting boundaries. Take your time to heal and remember, it’s better to be alone than in bad company.
Contribution4afriend − I guess you ignored the red flags 🚩🚩🚩 because she was… what … the first woman after you wife passed.
And it was necessary for you to ignore these things because you needed it to work for your kids.
I think I will also blame your family a little bit because they held their tongue by not speaking about those red flags. They want to see you happy and maybe not saying was their way of loving you. But I bet the moment you tell them they will say Thank God! She was horrible!
And then you can just finally relax during this end of the year. No extra gifts. No walking on eggshells. No headaches. And at least your ears will also thank you for not having to filter so many bad words. Plan something else for your family.
Also, block the ex. She will apologize and apologize and then blame a lot of this on your family again. Just block her. Remember to also block her on social media. Stay safe. Be a better parent. Don’t just date the first one you see or any exes.
VinylHighway − Good job
IntrovertedGiraffe − You and your daughters deserve better. Well done!
Significant_Planter − You did the right thing! That whole I s**ew up everything & my life’s a mess because I can’t do another right…blah blah blah that’s all m**ipulative b**lshit meant to cause you to cave and say oh my gosh no it’s not that bad I’m overreacting! Or something like that. The fact that you didn’t cave is super important!
I think you’re at the point in your relationship where she’s comfortable enough to start letting her mask drop. She had figured you would just accept all that but you didn’t and so she realizes she’s wrong but at the same time she doesn’t want to change so that’s why she’s going back and forth on whether she’s in the wrong or not.
And I will tell you, that I’ve been married for almost 15 years and I swear like a f**king trucker! But you know who I don’t swear in front of? My husband’s parents! He’s almost as bad as me and he won’t even say like s**t or damn in front of them.
So I don’t either because it bothers them and I respect them and I respect him and I don’t feel like I’m censoring myself because it’s not that big of a deal! I could not drop the f-bomb for a few hours once in awhile. I promise you I won’t die from it! LOL
The fact that she didn’t care enough and instead turned it around like you were asking her something absolutely insane is a giant red flag! She sounds like one of those people that’s like I just tell it like it is but really they’re a giant a**hole that enjoys insulting people.
Your girlfriend’s a giant a**hole. You’re doing the right thing. And don’t be too worried about your kids. It did not affect them very much and it’s important that they see the adults in their lives recognizing mistakes and fixing them.
Do you have any idea what a good message you’re sending your kids about bad relationships? You’re showing them they don’t have to put up with s**tty behavior from a partner!
They don’t have to tolerate somebody treating them badly and that it’s okay to throw in the towel on a bad relationship. Believe me, if more people got that lesson we wouldn’t have as many stories in here LOL
maroongrad − I’m glad you are getting out of that relationship. Sounds like she got a little too comfortable and started thinking you were hooked, and so she started to relax the tight hold she had on her crazy behavior. You think this is bad? Once married she’d have been an absolute nightmare.
akshetty2994 − he never does anything right, I deserve better. I feel like this is manipulation, and I text back simply I need to sleep on it. I woke up Wednesday morning and called her and broke up. I stood up and applauded, enjoy your life mate. Be well.
Do you think the Redditor made the right choice in prioritizing his family and setting boundaries, or should he have worked harder to salvage the relationship? How do you handle red flags and manipulation in a long-term relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!