(Update)- I (37f) want to divorce my husband (40m). But everyone keeps telling me I will die alone if I do so. What is the best course of action?

In matters of love and betrayal, sometimes the only path to healing is to let go. In this update, a 37‑year‑old woman reveals that she’s moving forward with her divorce from her 40‑year‑old husband despite warnings that she’ll “die alone” if she ends the marriage. After a tumultuous journey marked by infidelity and broken promises, she has decided that her marriage is irreparable—even though her ex still showed moments of care during her recent lasik operation.

In that moment, he helped with chores and reminded her to take her eye drops, and for a brief second she wondered if he’d come back to the loving partner she once knew. But painful memories of his affair and the humiliation her children endured made it clear: he remains a great dad but a failed husband. Now, as she faces the challenge of coparenting and supporting her kids through this transition, she’s left questioning what the best course of action is for her and her family.

Her update reflects both heartbreak and a cautious optimism for the future, as she insists on divorce while offering the possibility of family counseling to support their coparenting relationship. She acknowledges the sadness in his eyes, his apologies, and the promises he’s made—promises that she doubts he can keep. As she grapples with the fallout, including the impact on her children, she now seeks guidance on how best to navigate this painful chapter.

‘ (Update)- I (37f) want to divorce my husband (40m). But everyone keeps telling me I will die alone if I do so. What is the best course of action?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “When deep betrayal disrupts the foundation of a relationship, especially one that spans decades, the emotional damage can be profound. Choosing to divorce under these circumstances is a protective measure, not an impulsive decision. The fact that the husband’s momentary kindness during a medical procedure felt insincere shows that isolated gestures cannot erase years of emotional wounds.”

She adds, “It is important for both partners to work on rebuilding trust if they hope to reconcile. However, when repeated breaches—like an affair that leaves lasting scars on the family—occur, divorce may be the healthiest option. Coparenting arrangements, supported by family counseling, can help mitigate the impact on children without forcing the spouses to live together in a toxic environment.”

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, emphasizes, “Long-term relationships require ongoing trust and mutual respect. When one partner’s betrayal undermines that trust, even expressions of remorse are not enough to restore the balance. The decision to separate can be painful, but it creates space for healing and healthier dynamics in the future. It is critical that both partners, and especially the children, receive support during this transition.”

Both experts agree that while divorce is a painful decision, the need to protect one’s emotional well-being—and that of the children—often justifies the break. They suggest that moving forward with a clear plan for coparenting and possibly engaging in family counseling could provide a framework for healing, even as the marriage ends.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Several redditors expressed overwhelming support for her decision. One user commented, “After years of betrayal and broken trust, choosing divorce to protect your mental health and your children is entirely justified. You’re not alone in feeling that trust, once shattered, can’t be rebuilt.”

Another group shared personal experiences, with one commenter stating, “I’ve been through similar situations where the pain was too deep to ignore. Your decision to prioritize a healthy future for you and your kids is commendable, even if it’s difficult right now.”

Ultimately, your decision to move forward with a divorce, while maintaining a commitment to coparenting, is a deeply personal and understandable response to years of emotional betrayal. The hurt caused by your husband’s actions has left a lasting impact on you and your children, and it’s clear that a relationship without trust cannot support a healthy family life.

This update forces us to ask: How do we rebuild our lives after deep-seated betrayal? Is it possible to forge a new, healthier relationship as co-parents, or is separation the only path to healing? What would you do if you found yourself at a similar crossroads, torn between the hope of reconciliation and the need to protect your well-being? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the challenging journey from heartbreak to healing.