UPDATE: I [31M] found out my fiance cheated during her [30F] bachelorette party, planning on leaving

A Reddit user (31M) updated the community after discovering his fiancée (30F) cheated during her bachelorette party. He decided to leave her before their upcoming wedding, packing up his belongings and leaving without a word. After retreating to a hotel to process, he’s been receiving calls and messages from her, her family, and friends.

He’s now considering responding to his fiancée’s sister with proof of what happened. The user has been reflecting on the situation, trying to decide what to do next while receiving immense support from Reddit.

‘ UPDATE: I [31M] found out my fiance cheated during her [30F] bachelorette party, planning on leaving’

I will try to be as detailed as possible. I have had quite a few PM’s regarding what happened and I got such a big amount of responses (both positive and negative) which i never imagined would have happened. I want to let you all know that the support I have received has been incredible (both in PM and on the post itself) which has helped me in taking my decision.

I am also sorry for not being able to respond to all the PM’s, theres just too many to respond to but I would like to throw out much love for all of you who took the time. I would also like to give a big thanks on my post to everyone who replied, I tried to respond but I noticed the thread was closed (i still dont know why mods close it) but I still want to give a big thanks to the people who took the time to give me advice.

Much love to you all. I basically left in the morning to take a smoke, my head was still messed up but reading all the comments on reddit helped me. I cant remember who, but there was one guy who said the positive thing about all of this is that I found out BEFORE i got married, with no children or attachments.

I still dont think she cheated other than this night, nothing i found indicated anything else, I guess she wanted this to be her “last night” before settling down or soemthing, I honestly dont know and dont care. When I was outside taking a smoke, about 15-20 minutes or something after I left reddit, she had woken up.

She noticed the drinks out and asked me what I had been up to, basically came to give me a kiss and a hug. I followed through with it but honestly felt empty doing it, I didnt want to give her any hint of what I knew. She asked my why I had been drinking and why I didnt come to sleep last night and I told her I was just having some nightmares but everything was fine.

I felt detached, like I was watching myself in third person through a tv or something. She asked me if any stress was related to the marriage and the plans, i just told her something along the lines of “you know i love you, there is no stress i have for the marriage, how can you be stressed about the best thing in your life”. She got herself done and left for work.

I basically started packing my most important things, my desktop, computer, most clothes and some other things. I planned on leaving things like furniture, TV and other things I really dont care about more than getting the f**k out. I just took the stuff most important to me so that I dont have to return here again. I dont care if she gets the rest.

All in all my stuff added up to about 3 or 4 suitcases i would say (desktop not included in this). I called and cancelled the venue we were supposed to be having the wedding at, apparently they take 15 % of the money for cancelling so early on because we were having such a big event, i told them its fine and I really dont care at this point.

I also saved screenshots of everything and have taken them with me. Around 1 pm I called a taxi and went to stay at a hotel around 100 km far from my city. I didnt leave any note or pictures at home, I just left. I am planning on leaving to stay with a really really close friend who lives in a town about 300 km away,

but i just needed the alone time in the hotel for some time to think everything through and process whats happened. Around 3:30 pm my phone starts getting spammed with calls from my ex-fiance. around 3:50 I start getting calls and messages from her sister, her friends, her parents, my parents and a few of our mutual friends.

The only person I called back was my dad and mom. I have a huge trust for my parents, I basically spilled the beans and told them a nicer story about what happened, asked my dad to not say anything and also asked my mother not to say anything. I told them its ended, and that I wont be getting married no more.

I also told them not to tell anything to anyone about what I told them, I trust them alot so I am sure they wont say anything. I didnt tell them exactly what happened, just that I found out she wasnt being loyal to me, i didnt think giving details would help in anyway. Around 5 pm my dad calls mee back and is telling me my ex-fiance is completely hysterical and has basically broken down completely not understanding what is going on.

I just told my dad not to intervene and that I need some alone time now. I basically just shut my phone down and have been staying silent ever since, like a ghost. Been sleeping for a little, went to the pool here at the hotel and have just been taking it easy. I dont know if I should respond to them now or wait some more?

Her sister knew about what happened at the bachelorette party ( i have the texts to prove it, she even laughed about it and told her not to feel guilty, because its her bachelorette and that women should go all in on this night). I am seriously considering replying with to the sister, with just an image of the conversation where she is telling her this.

Once again, thank you to everyone who replied. I will update this post 1 or 2 more times and then perhaps go silent for a while, I know you are only aloud to do 1 update on relationships section. I hope this post wont get closed (still dont know why the last one did).. Time here is 10 pm soon.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

verpin_zal −  This is the point at which you need to keep your resolution with you. These kind of cheaters can get so manipulative, you could easily say “that’s some CGI s**t from Hollywood” until seeing it with your own eyes. Prepare for waterworks, her dad intervening and “seemingly” taking sides with you, her mom calling and claiming it was a one time mistake,

threats of suicide, some s**t you had said x months ago that ended up with you two fighting, the whole bit. Someone will even use your stubbornness and try to paint you as the bad guy “who won’t budge”. Just wait and see. And don’t forget to remember this comment on the way as you encounter them one by one.

dark__unicorn −  I haven’t read all the advice here. But I think my feeling is somewhere in the middle. When it comes to your family and mutual friends… right now you need to tell them that the wedding is off and that you need time to process. And that when you’re ready, you’ll tell them what happened. But don’t ignore them or isolate yourself.

I recently had a friend who disappeared after his marriage suddenly broke down. A year later he wanted to reach out to his friends again, and none wanted a bar of it. At that point, no one cared who’s fault the relationship breakdown was… they cared that their friend was so disrespectful that he couldn’t even answer calls or confide in anyone through that time.

You need to remember, your romantic relationship is about you. But your friend and family relationships are separate. You can not deflect how you feel about your ex onto the people you love. They don’t deserve to be punished.

JayKayVay −  “I am seriously considering replying with to the sister, with just an image of the conversation where she is telling her this.” A little passive aggressive, but damn that would be my choice – nothing else and no words, no getting back to anyone (other than people you care about),

let the sister break the news and let the ex-fiance deal with questions about why the wedding was cancelled so she has to own it (if she doesn’t you have proof and those who matter will know). I wasn’t involved with your original post, sorry this happened to you and I think you did it the right way. Good luck, I hope you can get through this and get to somewhere healthy with someone who’s loyal.

wtfthecanuck −  If you want silence, email the screenshots to her family and her. That should give them something to discuss.

perhapsnew −  Send the evidence to your friends, your parents, her parents and anybody who you respect or want to have respect from. As of now the story is “This looser ghosted everyone without a word”. You will not be able to repair some important relationships if you don’t share the truth now.

SoriAryl −  My suggestion is for you to tell your parents that she cheated, then send the screenshots to her parents, explaining that you walked away because she cheated. It sucks, but it’s better than having YOUR name dragged through the mud.

andrewjj1234 −  Alright my friend, dont get me wrong. I am 1000 f**king percent on your side, you have every right to leave her. And you should. Like maybe the first thing she did was bad but something you can talk through. But to go home with someone else? Ridiculous. So before I say what I do I just want you to know I am on your side my man.

but, I really do think you should let her know why you left. For me, that’s something I would do to let her guilt sit in. To realize she fucked up And maybe not to her directly. maybe her friend/sister or something like that Cause right now, she has no idea what’s going on. to her knowledge, she doesnt know that you know about that night.

Maybe shes thinking you got nervous, had a change of heart, lost interest, and that’s not fair to you at all. She needs to know what she did, and why you’re leaving her. To let her feel your absence, and to let her know that this is only happening cause of a mistake she made, and it’s her fault not yours. Best of luck to you my friend, I from the bottom of my heart hope you figure everything out.

sn00p3r −  Send the evidence to her parents they deserve to know why you canceled the wedding and that you aren’t the bad guy in this.

killerofdemons −  r/relationship_advice isn’t as Nazi with modding posts. You can update here as much as you like. Sorry you’re dealing with this but you seem to be handling it better then I would be. Try to look to the future. Your life is going to be crappy for the next little while but you will be happy again in time.

Do you think the user should respond to his fiancée’s sister, or is it better for him to remain silent and continue his process of healing? How would you advise him to move forward with his life and manage the aftermath of this betrayal? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!