[UPDATE] I (30f) just found my fiance (30m) on an online dating site. What do I do?

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A Reddit user recently shared an update about finding her fiancé on a dating site. After confronting him with a screenshot—and even admitting to catfishing him—he explained that he had logged into an old account to help a coworker but later deleted it after receiving an unexpected message (from her fake profile).

The two cleared the air, apologized to each other, and established a new level of trust with open access to their accounts. Read the original story and resolution below to see how they navigated this challenging moment.

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For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/umJfC

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‘ [UPDATE] I (30f) just found my fiance (30m) on an online dating site. What do I do?’

I posted a few days ago because I found my fiance on an online dating site. I took reddit’s advice and catfished him… A few hours after I set the bait, I found that his profile had been deleted. When he came home from work I showed him the screen shot and asked him what was up.

Long story short, He was hanging out with his coworker and the coworker was frustrated with figuring out how to navigate the ame dating site. My fiance signed into his old account (opened in 2013) to try to help his friend figure it out.

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Apparently a lot had changed on this particular site and he realized that his knowledge on the site was too out of date so he logged out and that was it. A few days later he saw in his email that he had gotten a message from a woman on the site and he then deleted his account.

He obviously couldn’t show me his dating site account, but he did volunteer to show me his email account with all the alerts from the site, the only woman that had messaged him recently was clearly my fake account.

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He also realized when we were looking through his email that he had an unused old profile on another dating site, he signed in and deleted that one in front of me. I fessed up about catfishing him. He wasn’t upset at all.

Said he understood completely considering my history. He was more upset with himself for not realizing that his behavior would make me so insecure. I apologized for not trusting him and catfishing.

He apologized for being so distant lately and not deleting his dating profiles ages ago. He offered an open phone/social media/email policy between us, in case we ever stumble across another “trust but verify” type of situation.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

walk_through_this −  This is the best ending. More endings like this please.

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[Reddit User] −  This is why I jokingly call this sub “r just f**king talk to each other”

ADrunkenChemist −  I took reddit’s advice and catfished him. i did not have high hopes reading this

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oceans09 −  Ayyy! I commented on your original post suggesting it was an old account he wasn’t aware of! I’m glad it worked out

[Reddit User] −  I feel like the cat fishing was a terrible idea. If you were so unsure I’m not sure that this actually fixes anything. Glad it was all innocent but I think you have to put in some work and actually trust your fiancé here.

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Even the open phone and apologising about dating apps etc- if you don’t trust him, why are you with him? Hope it all works out but feels like there’s continued work to do

Legodog23 −  Just tuned in for the update. Be cautiously optimistic, I think you two communicated well and this turned out as best as anyone could have hoped for. Just continue to be wary and make sure you guys are doing the best you can to meet each other’s needs, and remain communicative throughout the relationship. Best of luck!

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mdp928 −  Sweet baby lord Jesus a lot of people on this thread need therapy. OP, save your sanity and delete these threads.

rrr_zzz −  I’m still wondering why you needed to go through all the work of creating a fake dating account to find his account? There seems to be some underlying issues with trusting him. Might be time to seek a couples therapist

ShutterSpeed21 −  What were you doing on this dating site if you don’t mind me asking?

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Pytheastic −  Life is good, but you’re so insecure you can’t trust your boyfriend enough to have an adult conversation about this and instead go straight to catfishing. I not only give this relationship six months tops, unless you start handling problems in a healthy way, this kind of situation will keep happening.

Do you think their approach to rebuilding trust was effective, or do you believe more steps should be taken to ensure long-term honesty? How would you handle a similar situation in your relationship? Share your thoughts below!

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