[UPDATE] I (29M) showed up to my gf’s (25F) house and found her hanging out with a guy from class at 2am.

A Reddit user shares an emotional update about his relationship after discovering troubling signs of dishonesty. Despite initial concerns, he gave his girlfriend another chance, only to notice repeated patterns of disrespect, manipulation, and avoidance.

When he finally caught her out late at night with the same guy from before—despite her many excuses—he realized the truth. This time, he chose to walk away for good. His story serves as a painful but important lesson in trusting your gut. Read the original story below…

‘ [UPDATE] I (29M) showed up to my gf’s (25F) house and found her hanging out with a guy from class at 2am.’

This OP: I (29M) showed up to my gf’s (25F) house and found her hanging out with a guy from class at 2am.

How I handled it was we met the next morning to talk and I let her explain her side of things. She explained that other people were at the house that night earlier and she was going to be hanging around with kids from class sometimes now that school has started. Keep in mind, she is 25 and going back to school now, and most these kids are around 19-22.

Nothing super serious as far as class load is concerned, she is studying theater at a community college. I explain to her why all signs point to that being a major red flag, she somewhat hears me out and apologizes for not better communicating her plans that night, but defends herself that hanging out with friends from class is not wrong.

So in the future she would be communicate better about her plans and do a better job not making me feel concerned. I was obviously angry and upset about the previous situation but I did truly love this girl and was willing to give things a chance to progress forward and her show me the positives changes.

We had continued our relationship and everything was going good for the most part. Then recently communication did not seem to be going the best and there were some signs that she wasn’t giving as much effort into the things we spoke about before as she had promised to do.

There were signs of her actively trying to pick fights, and perpetuating them longer than needed even when i had made attempts to reconcile and move forward from any arguments. I did feel heavily at this time that she was not respecting me in these conversations, and any attempts I made to lovingly let her know this…met with hostility.

Which she then would attempt to turn right back on me, like it was my fault the fight even happened. This was getting old but I was still making every effort to bring us back to a good space on a more every day basis because i was wildly in love with this girl and the connection i thought we shared.

The deceiving thing as well is that she was also very good at making me feel at other times she felt the same way about me, ‘You’re the love of my life, I Love you more than anything, Future plans together, talking about how lucky she was to be with me’ etc. These were all exploited to be absolute lies. Fast forward to a few nights ago.

We had plans to hang out that night and when i asked her earlier in the day what she wanted to do, she told me she had actually agreed to go get sushi with a friend she hadn’t seen in awhile. I let her know this upset me since she was bailing on our plans, but in attempts to be understanding I then suggested we just meet up after instead and go out that night to do something fun.

She did not give me a definite answer but kept bouncing around the subject saying she would keep me updated on when she was finished. I let her know, ‘Hey you don’t cancel plans with your bf, then when hes cool about it and tries to suggest something else… leave him up in the air saying maybe we can hang’ It makes me feel like not a priority and isn’t how you treat someone you love.

She ends up going off on me again and we leave on the terms of Ok we will just talk later. I call later and let her know that after dinner it would mean a lot if we could spend some quality time together, I had been wanting that since all the time we were hanging out was during the day with other stuff going on sometimes.

She calls me after dinner around 930pm and lets me know she is home. I ask her to comer hang out so we can figure out what to do, and she deflects with “Oh my other friend (girl who i know) wanted to go to a midnight showing of a movie tonight and i haven’t seen her in so long”….

I know i may seem completely stupid to you guys at this point but i assure you I was already seeing through her b**lshit and knew something wasn’t right. I keep calm and just let her know i think that was messed up, bums me out, and that i wish she would at least try to include me with her friends when doing stuff like that.

She then takes to the level of trying to make me feel bad that I cant just be understanding she maybe wants to hang out with her friends without me sometimes. She tells me she will call me after the movie and asks if she can come over and spend the night with me after its finished…

Meanwhile, I knew I had friends going out that night as well and I could go grab some drinks with them, finish up around same time and then meet back at my house to spend the night together. I did not tell her I was going out because it did not seem relevant at the time, and i had some weird suspicions that something else was going on.

1:45 AM rolls around and Im leaving the bar with some friends to grab a burrito before heading home. I walk down the street and LO AND BEHOLD there she is on the corner of the street standing with a guy. One of the same guys from that night at the house in my original post. Shocker, I know.

I confront her and ask her whats going on, she attempts to even further lie, explain how her gf was suppose to come to (like that makes it any better lol) it isnt what it looks like, blah blah blah same old b**lshit lies and NO accountability even when caught in a dead lie on a date with another guy.

I turn to the guy and ask him whats going on, he explains he invited to the movies, not much else, looks kind of scared because I’m sure i was irate. I have no problem with him at all because its 100% my then gf’s fault. I walk to the side with her and ask her to just be real with me for once, tell me whats going, and come to terms with who she is and what shes done here.

She shuts down when she realizes she cant talk her way out of things, and tries to ask if we can talk tomorrow and not make a scene here. I tell her if you want to explain yourself then you can leave right now and i will at least hear you out. She says no im not leaving my friend here alone you are overreacting and its not as bad as it looks.

Even though i’m pretty hurt at this point I cant help but to bust out in laughter at the disbelief of the whole thing now. I tell her this is it and this relationship is fully done now then. Should have been done awhile ago, but that seals the deal and I truly see you for who you are now, a lying manipulative actual s**iopath. I left with my friends, blocked her on everything and am now moving forward for good.

I do want to say though, I made a huge mistake in this whole scenario by not leaving when my gut told me to. So many signs pointed to her being so fake, such a liar, and not trust worthy at all… but i let the good times and her manipulative words keep me around thinking that i Just needed to make more effort myself to make things work.

And it wasn’t until i had fully given all of myself into trying, that i was hit with the most disrespectful thing I have ever had done to me. Listen to your gut people, and follow you intuition. If you are making clear efforts in a relationship with someone and they are giving you nothing back, creating friction, and show no remorse in any of their mistakes… run for the hills.

Even though i was very hurt by the deceit and catching someone cheat on me, I ultimately know this is 100% for the best and a huge blessing in disguise because this person never truly loved me the way I cared for them.

Who knows how much longer I would have stuck around and let myself be treated like this, but I am grateful it happened now and there is no chance in hell i would ever give her a second of my time again. Sorry for the novel, it feels good to vent. Much Love..

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

shipcapitan −  I’m very proud of you. But a word of warning — breaking up is easy, staying apart is hard. She will use every trick in the book to get you back. She will find ways to contact you. She will try to turn mutual friends against you. She will tell you that she hates herself. She will claim that she wants to commit suicide. She will insist that you are the love of her life.

And if all else fails, she will tell her friends that you were crazy/abusive/disloyal. You should be prepared for when s**t hits the fan, because I don’t think you’ve seen the end of her b**lshit yet.

IsThisIt-1983 −  Unlucky bro you had to learn the hard way. Sorry for you. Take these lessons and move forward. I feel for you.. Good luck for the future

iliketires65 −  Good for you dude. It’s always a gamble when you catch someone cheating. Sometimes you get someone who will get caught, break down and apologize out the ass for betraying you. And other times you get a person will deny everything even if you catch them red handed. Focus on yourself, and don’t let her try and reconcile with you. She is a cheater, and she doesn’t deserve you. Good luck man.

who_tf_cares_123 −  The fights and the blame were intentional. She was trying to justify her actions in her mind. If you are an a**hole then lying and cheating are not as big of a deal in her mind.

ladythrills −  I’m not saying maybe your reaction based on your title isn’t warranted (you wrote a lot), but as an unpopular opinion you kind of sound controlling/insecure. Every move this girl makes is cause for suspicion. You won’t make anyone happy being a stage 9 clinger who bugs out every time something doesn’t go your way.

Reddit is chock full of people who are ready to tell you to get out the pitch fork and fry your relationship because it has no effect on them. In real life no one as an adult is going to put up with you knit picking their every move. I’m a 27 year old woman and I can tell you that that’s a fact.

LongjumpingThing −  I have no problem with him at all because its 100% my then gf’s fault.. Respect, dude

Meeseeks82 −  Next time just use the g**damn ladder instead of falling out of the tree and hitting every branch on the way down.

wineisawesome −  I just can’t help but feel like op has some serious jealousy and controlling issues and that he’s telling this story in a specific way to get affirmation from internet strangers while hiding his part in this story.

Not saying she hasn’t made any mistakes, such as communication issues for example, but cheating is not necessarily one of them. The majority of commenters are just assuming this because a lot of people on here have some jealousy issues as well and lack experience with a mature, balanced and trust-based relationship.

mypatronusisacow −  You sound super controlling. — OK, sorry. Didnt mean to be so harsh but you need to calm down a bit when you’re in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, what she did was wrong but from the small bit of information here it seems to me that you can get a bit obsessive.

Even when she hasn’t done anything wrong yet (hanging out with a friend .. even at 2 am is not wrong .. she’s a f**king adult) you immediately get suspicious and tell her what to do. I know you probably don’t want to hear this since you might be hurting right now but for your future relationships try to give your girlfriend the f**king benefit of the doubt.

If she’s important to you like you say she is .. then trust her. All these guys telling you, “she didn’t cheat but she was heading in that direction..”, “better to leave now before she really cheats” …. Are probably in very unhealthy relationships.. But that’s just my two cents.

She lied and sounded like an a**hole — I’m not disagreeing with this .. just letting you know that you could also learn from your own actions. She might have been scared to tell you the truth because of how you might act. (Again, I’m not defending her actions.. they are wrong. Just trying to see from her pov). That being said, I hope you feel better and find someone that will treat you the way you want to be treated .

[Reddit User] −  Sounds like everybody dodged a bullet here. You want someone who prioritizes you over the rest of their social life. Reasonable to want. She wants to be able to go with movies with friends (you have offered no evidence this was anything more) without your permission. Also reasonable to want. The two are both valid models for a relationship, but they aren’t compatible. I hope you are both able to make it a clean break and move on.

Trusting your instincts in a relationship can save you from unnecessary heartbreak. Have you ever ignored red flags only to regret it later? What advice would you give to someone in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!