Update: I [28F] think my husband [35M] might be hiding something from me

A Redditor (28F) is grappling with the discovery that her husband (35M) might be cheating on her. Despite her husband’s previous explanations for his suspicious behavior—like having a second phone and a hidden safe—she found messages on his phone that reveal flirty conversations with another woman, including one who professes love for him.

This discovery has left her conflicted and unsure of how to move forward, especially with the fear of single motherhood and her son potentially growing up in a divorced household. Read on for more insight into this complicated situation.

‘ Update: I [28F] think my husband [35M] might be hiding something from me’

I asked my husband about everything in my post and he had really good reasons for some of it. It felt like that was the first time in a long time that he was being completely honest with me. He showed me inside the safe, backpack, showed me he had a second phone.

For anyone wondering the backpack just had clothes, an iPad and laptop, toiletries etc for “work trips.” The safe also held a gun which I had no idea he had. He says he got the second phone because he almost got fired for being unreachable one time so he got another phone on a different network so his boss can always reach him, and he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want me to worry about him getting fired or us having to move to an area with better reception.

I had decided to just leave it at that for a while because he was finally being honest with me and I knew he wasn’t doing anything n**arious so I was just going to drop it, but I saw he left his phone unlocked when he went to the bathroom and I couldn’t help myself so I snooped…

I know thats bad but I just wanted to stop worrying. I looked at his texts and there was one woman who told him she loved him and the texts were really flirty, and another woman who he was talking to but I didn’t have time to read that convo. I only had maybe two minutes on his phone before he came running back from the bathroom (probably realizing he left his phone unlocked).

He knows I know but he doesn’t want to discuss it because he doesn’t know how much I know, so he’s been pretty much avoiding our son and me since then. Honestly I just wish I never picked up his phone in the first place.

I know that I need to leave him but just the thought of being a single mom and our son having to live the “divorced parents” life makes me sick. I’ve only told a couple people and my one friend offered to take me and

the baby in so I can finish up my maternity leave without having to worry about buying a house, but he has a newish girlfriend so I doubt that would be ok with her, and he works in the same department as my husband. That’s all there is to update on. I know I need to get my s**t together and deal with this but I’m having a really hard time pulling it together.

**tl;dr**: Lots of lies and he’s cheating on me.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  Better the “divorced parents life” than the “mom resents but feels trapped with my cheating father” life.

GenericDreadHead −  single mom and our son having to live the “divorced parents” life makes me sick. It’s 2016. You can either get over this stigma and leave or you can continue living the rest of your life with a man who is cheating on you and in love with other women

Fluxman222 −  Better your son live the “divorced parents” life than the “my parents hate each other” life.

dogcatsnake −  I was wondering how this one turned out – his excuses did sound pretty weak, especially the second phone. I’m glad you snooped and found out (the ends justified the means, here!).

He was confronted and STILL didn’t confess. I hope you remember that and do what’s right for you and your kid. Being a child of divorce is likely less harmful than being around two parents who don’t get along and having a father who cheats on his wife.

MessyEnema −  A testament to the power of the gut. All hail the gut.

MAXIMUM_FARTING −  See?! I said he wasn’t a super sneaky spy! Anyway. Sorry to hear, OP. What a s**tty thing to do to you and your son.

colakoala200 −  I’m glad you managed to snoop on his phone and found out, because his story about needing a third (secret) phone because he doesn’t want to be unreachable at work is b**lshit, and it sounded like you believed it. I mean, he has a work cell phone and a personal cell phone *besides* that one.

And it’s a really bad sign even if his reason was true, because a second smartphone account is expensive, and you’re his wife… him hiding that from you… gah. Also, um… I can’t believe you are considering moving out of the house onto a friend’s couch. You have a 2-month-old baby. He’s the one who needs to leave.

I_See_the_Eye_Sea −  That sucks to hear, OP. I was hoping that there was a valid reason behind his actions, but turns out he’s just a terrible cheater. Divorce may not sound appealing to you at this stage, but I feel like if you stay in this relationship it will only get worse.

You will resent each other more and more, you will both be unhappy and if you decide to stay with him because of your child, you are committing yourself to another 18 years with someone who doesn’t love or respect you. Do you really want your child growing up in a household thinking that your unhappy marriage is how people in love are supposed to be?

Really, I can only see two options for you from here. You can either stick with him, go to couples counselling, establish communication and try to rekindle what you’ve lost, but keep in mind that you will always *always* remember that he cheated on you, lied to you and then avoided the whole thing.

The other path you can go is get a divorce, establish custody boundaries and move on with your life, away from someone who would treat you like this. Staying with your friend might be an okay idea,

but if it’s going to interfere with their love life it might not be the most considerate one unless its an emergency. Perhaps you could stay with family instead? Honestly though, unless your house is in his name I would kick your husband out and stay right where you are. Good luck.

[Reddit User] −  He says he got the second phone because he almost got fired for being unreachable one time so he got another phone on a different network so his boss can always reach him, and he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want me to worry about him getting fired or us having to move to an area with better reception.

WTF this is the most lol wat excuse I ever heard of. Go stay with your friend. That’s all you need to do right now. Friends and loved ones can help you get a plan together for the future.

silver_sandwich −  This is awful, I’m really sorry to hear this. Another red flag that no one is talking about: I can’t imagine having a gun in the house and not telling my partner. Really dangerous.

Betrayal is one of the most painful experiences in a relationship, and it’s understandable that the Redditor feels torn between confronting the truth and protecting her family. How would you approach a situation where you find out your partner is being dishonest or unfaithful? Is it possible to rebuild trust after something like this? Share your thoughts or advice in the comments below.