UPDATE: I (27F) just lost my dog I had for 10 years and I’m devastated. Boyfriend (25M) thinks I’m being ridiculous.
A Redditor (27F) recently shared her grief over the sudden loss of her dog, Alfie, and the lack of empathy from her boyfriend (25M), who dismissed her pain and made the situation about his own needs. After blocking him, she saw his selfish behavior in a new light, realizing how much he disregarded her feelings in the past. She’s now free from a toxic relationship and grateful for the clarity Alfie’s death brought her. Read the full story below:
‘ UPDATE: I (27F) just lost my dog I had for 10 years and I’m devastated. Boyfriend (25M) thinks I’m being ridiculous.’
BF realised he fucked up the next day. I’d blocked his number but on my phone you can see when blocked numbers try to call you, it just auto-rejects. Since that night he’s called me around 15 times a day from 9am-midnight. He probably sent texts but they don’t show up.
I forgot to block him on Instagram so I got a few messages on their before I blocked but basically they said, “come on talk to me”, “answer your phone” and “don’t ignore me”. No apologies, not empathy, just me me me. In hindsight he’d been doing this a lot.
I read through a lot of past communication and I saw it with new eyes… he was constantly disregarding my feelings and taking about how bad his life is and how I should feel sorry for him and how he’s being good to me regardless. He’s a n**ty, selfish person and I was so used to his behaviour I’d normalised it and was worried I was being insensitive to his feelings after I watched my best friend die.
Without your comments and opinions I probably would’ve stayed with him for as long as he decided, maybe even had a baby with him (which he’d probably do to claim “family life” so he doesn’t get deported) and waste more time with him. I want to say thanks to everyone who opened my eyes. And thanks to Alfie for showing me the truth as his final act as a good boy.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
khaomanee − And thanks to Alfie for showing me the truth as his final act as a good boy. Someone’s cutting onions here… Be gentle to yourself while you heal from all this. I wish you the best of luck. EDIT: holy s**t, my first gold. Thank you!
Spadooker − Read your original post, OP, and good for you for leaving his selfish ass. I’m sorry to hear about Alf. Losing a dog can be really difficult.
disconcertinglymoist − Your Alf would be so f**king proud of you. Rock on.
d0n7w0rry4b0u717 − I’m glad you move on. I was one of the people who commented early on and at that point, most people were defending your ex saying that you shouldn’t worry about it and respect his culture. It just shows you how many people on this sub **shouldn’t** be giving advice.
Thank goodness you didn’t listen to them. If people are from different cultures, this stuff still **isn’t** okay: * Getting mad at someone for not wanting s**. * Totally disregarding someone else’s feelings (especially an SO).
Those are two huge red flags and people who are guilty of those pointers should **not** be in a relationship. OP, he didn’t love you. He loved having someone he could have s** with. You deserve to find someone who actually loves you and cares about your feelings. Your ex is scum.
Siren_of_Madness − I’m so sorry this happened, but I love your perspective:. In death, Alf still has my back.. Yep. And so do we.
GhoulishGremlin − ” thanks to Alfie for showing me the truth as his final act as a good boy. “. realist s**t i ever did read
malonesxfamousxchili − So happy you saw the light OP. Though your sweet boy has crossed the rainbow bridge he’s still looking out for you. Dogs rule, boys drool.
heisfireandice − Even if he doesnt understand he should have enough compassion for you, to not be a d**k. My mom and I just put down Daisy, whom we had since she was 5 weeks. She was 12. She lived with my mom from 2007-2011. Then I had her until 2019. She got me through hell, and if it wasnt for her I’d be dead.
My best friend (whom I live with) said, she was just a dog. I calmly explained that I dont care if he feels that way, but never will. It’s a deeper connection. He still didnt understand but he let me grieve and supported my process offering great hugs.
casualLogic − Dear Alfie isn’t *gone,* he just lives in your heart now. Every time you think about him & your chest starts to pound? That’s his tail wagging, telling you he loves you & is still there & to not be sad because you gave him a wonderful life & you’ll meet again at the rainbow bridge.
soarin_tech − I’m kind of a burley guy. Not the type you’d necessarily think would be a big softy. When it comes to my cat and dog…I am. My cat is 20 years old. The day she goes I’ll be a mess.
Sometimes, the hardest part of healing is recognizing toxic relationships. What was your wake-up moment? Share your thoughts in the comments.