[UPDATE] I (25F) am so tired of being psychoanalyzed by my boyfriend (24M)

In an update to her previous post, a Redditor (25F) shares how she had a long and productive conversation with her boyfriend (24M) about his habit of psychoanalyzing her. He apologized and opened up about past relationship trauma that contributed to his behavior.

They discussed communication issues, misunderstandings, and possible neurodivergence, and he agreed to work on it in therapy. Despite initial frustrations, she reassures readers that he is a caring partner and will make a great doctor. Read the full story below:

‘ [UPDATE] I (25F) am so tired of being psychoanalyzed by my boyfriend (24M)’

This OP: I (25F) am so tired of being psychoanalyzed by my boyfriend (24M)

After apologizing profusely, he talked about how he, like so many of us, was in a relationship where his partner never really said what she was thinking, and she expected him to read her mind. She’d lie about how she was feeling, and then punish him for taking her comments at face value.

We talked about why this was wasn’t great behavior on her part, and I now understand where his habit comes from, but I was clear about how I’m **not** his ex, and I’ve never been dishonest about how I feel or what my expectations are. I empathize with him, but I also told him that this is a problem on **his** end, and while I’m happy to work through those fears/feelings with him,

I will not be punished for her shortcomings. (I also ended up throwing in a snarky comment about how psychiatrists call this *displacement* \- redirecting his emotions to a neutral party; he took this with good humor and a “Point taken”).

We talked about his comment from when we first got together (where he said he’s good at realizing things about people that they can’t or won’t acknowledge), and he’s embarrassed at how obnoxious it was. He admitted that he can actually have a difficult time reading others’ emotions, so he tries to overcompensate.

He said he sometimes suspects he might have autism (which some of you suggested!), and we talked about how it’s 10000% okay for him to say “I’m having a hard time reading you right now – what are you feeling?” instead of just assuming he knows. We talked about the Netflix-cuddle incident.

From his side, he came in for a snuggle because he thought I was sad about the movie, so when I asked “Was that necessary?”, he thought I was asking about the cuddle itself (and not the food loss/pain of being tackled), so he said, “But you’re upset because the girl is being bullied,” and confused about my annoyed tone, he added, “You don’t have to take it out on me.”

He didn’t recognize that he’d hurt me (again, he was horrified and apologetic about this). And when it comes to the Phineas and Ferb/Pokemon thing, he fully admits that he was being a complete, patronizing a**hole without reason. He said he’s probably *projecting* (ha!), and promised to raise it with his therapist.

One last thing I want to address: I know some of you seem to think that he’s The Devil and is always a horrible boyfriend and is going to be a terrible doctor (this is called *splitting* \- believing people are either all good or all bad)^(\*\*This is a joke, pls don’t come for me). But that’s because I was asking for advice on the one bothersome thing in our relationship.

I could have included every awesome thing he does for me/says to me/etc., but my post was already an essay. Please trust that he is an amazing boyfriend, and we take great care of each other. As far as what kind of doctor he’ll be, I understand why some of you have made that leap.

But he is absolutely wonderful with patients, listens empathetically, trusts what they tell him, and picks up on things that the average person wouldn’t. I’ve told this story elsewhere, but I’ll tell it here too – we once had the same patient for a long case presentation.

She’d had a stroke, so I talked about which artery was likely occluded based on her symptoms, clinical mumbo jumbo, thought I was clever for recognizing that she was unrelatedly overdue for a mammogram, and included “X medication, occupational therapy review” as part of my plan. His report was totally different – he hit the important clinical aspects,

but spent much more time than I had talking about the difficulties she’d face at home due to her impaired mobility (he even listed the locations and numbers of stairs in each room in her house). His plan had “X medication, occupational therapy review, and talk to charge nurse about scheduling Y conference room for visitors so she doesn’t have to miss bridge club.” I think he’ll be fine.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

disconcertinglymoist −  It’s refreshing to see a follow-up post where two adults come to an understanding based on trust and mutual respect.. That’s the good s**t.

frockofseagulls −  Wow! Actually talking to your partner works! Who knew? Sarcasm aside, way to have an adult conversation. You’re a model advisee, and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and having a conversation, not a confrontation. ❤️

Mazikeensia −  Haha, as someone who also have taken classes in psychology, I love those little snarky comments about the psychology aspects. But good for you! I like that this turned out really good and not just a sad story about how you left him etc because reddit told you so. You guys seems really mature, and it sounds wonderful that you can talk about these things and overcome them together.. Wish you two the best ❤️

[Reddit User] −  Holy s**t, you solved a relationship problem by pushing air out from your mouth and making word noises? Who knew?!?

funplans20 −  Haha, not gonna lie, I was looking forward to a sassy #MicDrop moment here, but am so so glad that you two were able to work it out with a level-headed conversation. His reactions (being horrified at how this made you feel, for one) and his seeming committed to working on this are positives,

and speak to how much he cares about you. He was also honest about this and faced the truth–no denying or trying to convince you it’s your own issue. It was refreshing to read an example of how a couple can work together to help the respective individuals grow as people. Cheers to you!

KayskolA −  WOOO!!! I think that was an awesome update!! I actually was one of the persons who worried about how he interacted with patients but hearing about how well he took that sit down conversation and was willing to work on things you brought up, all my fears are swayed. As a social work major too, I can especially appreciate the story at the end where he into consideration what the patient’s home life may look like in comparison to treatment.

My teachers regularly talk about how that skill/recognition of the patient’s environment can be something that many doctors struggle with, only seeing the patient as a singular medical problem. So hearing that makes me especially excited. Im so happy for you and your boyfriend and am really appreciative of the update!

[Reddit User] −  Fear not, OP. Once you get married, arguments are far more simplistic. * wife: you can be such an a**hole sometimes.. * husband: yup.

quinalou −  That’s great to hear, good communication for the win!

stellardeathgunxoxo −  Congratulations on resolving this and best of luck to the both you

Emendatus −  Really glad you managed to take the sensible communicate like an adult approach *and* throw in a bit of childish passive aggressiveness – which I’m pretty sure was the part which got through. Good job demonstrating that communication is key and problems can be worked on, and thanks for the update!

Sometimes, open communication can resolve even the most frustrating habits in a relationship. This couple found a way to understand each other better—do you think this approach would work for others? Share your thoughts in the comments.