UPDATE: I [24m] gained 70 pounds and ruined my relationship. Is it okay to ask my girlfriend [23f] to stop making mean comments about it?

A Reddit user shared an emotional journey of self-discovery and resilience after uncovering shocking behavior from his girlfriend. His story reveals how he found the strength to end a toxic relationship and focus on personal growth. Read the full story below to explore the twists and turns that led to his empowering decision.

‘ UPDATE: I [24m] gained 70 pounds and ruined my relationship. Is it okay to ask my girlfriend [23f] to stop making mean comments about it?’

Sorry this is kind of long, but it did get quite eventful. Thank you so much to everyone who commented. It helped me see my relationship in a different light, so thank you all, even the ones who said I deserved it.

The general consensus was that she was abusive which honestly shocked me at first, I really expected every comment to support how she treated me and say she was just trying to help etc.

I thought I deserved to be abused for gaining weight, I still kind of believe that, but I think most people treat their partners with kindness. I never want anyone to feel the way i did due to their partner. Also, the high stress/anxiety levels I felt constantly are pretty terrible for losing weight.

I had convinced myself that i was disgusting and undeserving of love and she was just trying to help, but I now realise she probably wasn’t even trying to help me at all. It’s hard to think that of her, because I love her a lot still despite her faults.

I realised there were a lot of things in our relationship that I was uncomfortable with that I felt like I could never bring up because she would get upset and start crying so I would end up comforting her, or she would just turn it on me and get angry and blame me. Things always had to go her way or she would start crying.

My girlfriend was entirely dependent on me for money and I paid for literally 95% of things. She never wanted to get a job because I paid for her. I was okay with this because i loved her and felt like i had to prove myself to be worthy of her. I paid all the rent and bills.

2 days ago (NYE) I was in our bedroom on my phone when I got a text. It was from an unknown number calling me a “fat f**k” and something about how I didn’t deserve my girlfriend. This wasn’t too unusual, I have been receiving abusive texts from several different random numbers for months. Mostly about my weight but also about all sorts of things.

I had several ideas of who it could be, and it was honestly eating me up inside. It was giving me extreme anxiety because they seemed to know so much about me. A few hours later, on a whim I decided to call the number. I have done this before but it never got answered. I even spoofed my phone number and still nothing.

You can probably see where this is going. Vibration came from my girlfriends bag in the cupboard. I guess she forgot to put it on silent. It was like the biggest sinking feeling I have ever felt. She had purchased a burner phone specifically for texting me abuse. She took time out of her day just to put me down anonymously and wear me down further. She wanted me to be hurt and not trust anyone around me.

I truly never thought she was responsible for them. The thought had come into my head a couple times, but I immediately pushed it out. I didn’t believe she was capable of something like that. She was always sympathetic when I got the texts and was “trying to help me found out who sent them”.

It hurt so badly. I could almost forgive everything else but everyone has a breaking point.. I just feel completely worthless. How disgusting must i be if my own girlfriend wants to say these things to me.. why would she do this? I don’t understand. I guess she wanted me to be under her control and even more dependent on her emotionally. I’m trying to get out of the mindset that I deserve this.

I knew I had to end it and I had to do it before she would make me change my mind. I gathered all her stuff up and put it into bags. I was getting extremely upset while doing it and almost stopped, but I was also angry. I don’t really get angry, and I previously just accepted her treatment, but something in me just snapped. I was actually mad at her for once.

She was at her friend’s house preparing to go out for NYE. I did feel guilty for ruining her night, but she had already ruined mine. I wanted to try and leave her in 2019 and start the new year without her. I had to do it right then before I thought about it too much and forgave her like I did for everything else she has done. I called a locksmith to come and change the locks.

I knew she would have an extreme reaction to being broken up with (by her obese boyfriend who doesn’t deserve her) no matter the circumstances anyway, so I just had to do it. I texted her, “I found your other phone. I love you (her name) but I can’t put up with this s**t any more. All your stuff is in bags in the hall. Please come by and collect it tomorrow. I changed the locks so you will have to let me know when you’re coming beforehand. Happy new year.”

Yes…saying happy new year was a bit petty. To say she didn’t respond well to this would be an understatement. She called me crying, telling me she was sorry and would stop. She told me she was just trying to help me and that she was doing it out of love, she told me she loved me more than anything and she was so sorry… I almost believed her, but I didn’t give in. I apologised to her and hung up.

She called me back 2 minutes later angry and screaming how could i dare do this to her, called me a fat disgusting piece of s**t and said she never loved me. She screamed that she never wanted me and that no one ever will. She screamed that even my own family didn’t care about me (this hurt because my mum was an abusive d**g addict and my dad left when i was 10 and i haven’t seen him since).

She said that whenever we had s** she was thinking about her ex and praying for it to be over. I guess she was just trying to say anything that would hurt me. I blocked her number. She called me back again on her friends phone screaming how dare could I block her and how dare i could leave her with no place to stay on NYE.

I didn’t do that, I would never leave her without a place to sleep. She could go to her parents and she has plenty money (that i gave her) so she could get a taxi and stay in a hotel if she preferred. She also said beforehand that she was staying at her friend’s that night anyway.

She posted on her Instagram story that she was “heartbroken” and that her “boyfriend had left her homeless on NYE due to a little misunderstanding. After everything he put me through, he still does this. I loved him and thought he loved me, but I guess I was wrong”

I then received messages from her friends telling me I’m a horrible person and she deserves so much better than me. Her mother (unpleasant person) called me saying she was calling the police on me (??) and that i was abusive. She also brought up my weight and said that it was “laughable that i would break up with her looking the way i do” and I “would never get anyone better”.

All of this was stressing me out to the extreme. I hate confrontation in any form and I think i was just constantly shaking the whole evening. My girlfriend’s friend ended up calling me on a different number and said that she and her boyfriend weren’t comfortable letting my girlfriend stay over at their house anymore. They were freaked out due to my gf screaming abuse at me on the phone, and she was apparently screaming at them as well and saying she was going to kill me.

All her other friends at the house were freaked out too and she was effectively uninvited from their NYE night and they were trying to find a way to get her to leave. She was telling them that she had no money and no way of getting to her parents. This was just a straight up lie, I had given her £500 several days ago. I sent her an extra £100 out of guilt anyway.

I don’t know where she went for a few hours but she came back to my house around 2am and started trying to kick the door in and picked up a rock and tried to smash the window (it broke the window but didn’t smash all the way through). She was screaming and crying through the letter box. I ended up caving and letting her in once she calmed down somewhat, as my brother was there with me to back me up.

She was drunk and tried to attack me but I held her back. Eventually she just started crying. I felt really bad for her at this point and was almost ready to let her stay just for the night, but thankfully my brother ended up getting a taxi with her to take her to a hotel for the night.

I felt really terrible the next day. I loved her and we spent two years together. I keep wondering if she’s right, that I will never find anyone again. I can’t see why anyone would want me. I also feel really guilty for what I did and I was probably too harsh on her to just kick her out like that.

Her mother came to collect her stuff yesterday and started screaming at me, saying that I ruined her daughter’s life etc etc. I feel really bad. I hope she’s okay and I want her to get help and realise why she treats people the way she does. I know I wasn’t the first, I brushed off so many stories about her and just ignored all the signs.

With the weight loss, I am currently continuing my diet instead of water fasting like i planned. I want to try and do a sustainable diet instead of just starving myself for a month and probably gaining it back. I want to try a 7 day water fast to detox though.

I also need to stop relying on alcohol to relax in the evening, it was a big reason I gained the weight. I realised I have been consuming at least 600 calories a day in alcohol alone (3 pints of beer). I definitely used it to cope with stress and I need to develop better coping mechanisms.

I’m going to lose all the weight in 2020 and I’m also going to get into therapy so I can sort my head out, there are so many unhealthy thoughts i have and i don’t think hating yourself as much as I do is normal. I feel sad but strangely relieved and like I can actually make changes in my life without her.

**TLDR**; found out my gf was behind abusive anonymous texts i have been receiving for months, dumped her by text on nye, caused a bit of chaos and she tried to break into my house and smash my windows. She has moved back in with her parents. I’m continuing my diet and losing weight.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

QueenMoogle −  Well she sure sounds like a f**king s**iopath. I am very, *very* glad you ejected her from your life. Good god damn riddance. I think therapy is a great idea. Not only do you have preexisting anxiety issues and such, but no doubt this entire relationship wreaked some kind of havoc on your brain.

This is some traumatic stuff. I hope you find a doctor you like, and don’t give up if it takes a few tries. I’m really proud of you, OP. You took your own life into your own hands and took out the trash.

[Reddit User] −  Dude, Im going to assume this is real because of the weirdly specific details but keep in mind its difficult to comprehend this is real because *how could someone be so awful?* She is certifiably fucked up and dangerous and even her friends turned on her. Get a restraining order and never speak to her again.

Dont give her money, respond, or go near her. If she comes to your property, call the police, and warn your neighbours about her too. She never, ever had good intentions for you. She was abusive. She is abusive. Please be careful, and stay strong.

AdnanS0324 −  Holy s**t she’s a monster. Good for you for making the right decision and removing her from your life. Do not ever go back to her dude. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but from your two posts I gathered a lot of self esteem issues you might have. It’s great you’re considering therapy. Definitely do that.* Again, great job sticking up for yourself. 2020 is going to be your year.. *Edit for clarity.

butdidyoulive −  False. 70 pounds haven’t ruined your relationship. Your sociopathic girlfriend did.

RescueME2 −  Here’s what I suggest: During your journey to weight loss, also invest in a solo trip somewhere for at least a week. Whether it’s backpacking, hot destination, or some other outlet where you’re alone.

The reason for this is it will help you mentally detox from this horrendous situation. You’ve developed incredible mental strength and now it’s about leveraging it to continue to invest in yourself. The hard part is over – now focus on yourself. You will find what you need.

McBUMMERS −  Please don’t do a 7 day ‘water fast detox’ – your liver and kidneys detox constantly, there is nothing gained by starving yourself for 7 days. Get a sustainable diet in place, extreme weight cutting will just leave you susceptible to a binge when temptation gets too much.

allahu_adamsmith −  You should have called the police.

03xoxo05 −  My girl friend met me at 5’7” at only 140 lbs. today I am 5’8.5” but a whopping 210 lbs. Don’t get my wrong I got a good bulky base, but I could def lose some f**king weight. Never. Not once. Has she ever made one comment about it. Just think about that one bro. Im shorter but we are close in weight. That means I am fatter than you, but I was treated better. You deserve better

Eruditio-et-Religio −  Everyone reading this needs to understand that this is some crazy fiction written very poorly. Come on guys…don’t be this gullible.

the_shiny_guru −  Hah. Couldn’t help but feel a bit smug that her friends all know she’s a crazy person now. I know it’s hard. But I’m glad you got out. Also gentle bop on the head with a newspaper for not even thinking those texts could be coming from her.

Reallyyyy? She said those same things every day, but couldn’t possibly be coming from her? I mean this in most sympathetic way possible. I’d give you a hug if I could. Make sure you lose the weight for you. You deserve to be healthy, but to not hate yourself, no matter what weight you are at.

Do you think the Reddit user made the right decision by ending his toxic relationship and prioritizing his well-being? How would you handle discovering such betrayal from someone you love? Share your thoughts and insights in the comments below!