UPDATE: I (17m) just found out that my sister (35) is actually my mother.

After finding out that his sister is actually his biological mother, a 17-year-old has begun working through his emotions with the support of his family. They’ve agreed to pursue therapy to navigate this complicated situation.

His biological mother wants to be more involved in his life, but tensions with her husband remain. He also faces questions about his biological father, which may come up in therapy. Read the full update below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/GywfF

‘ UPDATE: I (17m) just found out that my sister (35) is actually my mother.’

I first want to say thank you guys so much. I didn’t think that I would get this much feedback.I started a family group chat and suggested that we should look into family therapy. Everyone is on board and is willing to do whatever it takes to make this situation work.

I’m very lucky and I can see my privilege, many kids don’t get what I got (a loving family) so maybe I was making this a bigger deal than it was. My sister said that she is going to make more of an effort to be in my life. I think therapy might be good for us. As for d**che husband, my sister really wants us to get along but I don’t see that happening.

Maybe he should come to therapy a few times but only if he’s serious about it. She is very mad at him but she wants to work things out with him. Also, it was really interesting reading stories from people who have experienced something similar or know someone who did. It’s crazy how often and common these things are.

I guess until you experience something for yourself it can seem unbelievable. It was inspiring to read and some of them were heartbreaking and made me realize that I shouldn’t let my anger make the decisions because life is short. My parents aren’t getting any younger. I wouldn’t want my last moments with them being something so negative.

They still have to earn my trust but I don’t see why we can’t be on at least ok terms while they do. They’ve been extremely apologetic since but actions speak louder than words so we’ll see. Another issue that rose is the fact that I don’t know where the other half of me came from.

My biological father basically disappeared from my sister’s life. I don’t know if I should even bring it up because no one else has yet. That will be another topic of discussion for therapy I guess. Thank you so much to those of you who were genuinely trying to be helpful and kind. I got a lot of support.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

CheChe1999 −  If you want to know about your biological father, ask. At this point, everything should be on the table. Best of luck to you.

JustAnotherMaineGirl −  OP I didn’t respond earlier but I think the biggest mistake your parents and sister made was in not telling you earlier that you had been adopted within the same family.

The real trauma for you was finding out accidentally that your sister was your birth mother when you were already an adult, by someone you regard as an A-hole rather than by someone you love and trust. And I think it’s clear that your parents and your sister really do love you, and they never meant to hurt you by withholding the truth.

I hope other in-family adopters will read this cautionary tale, and tell kids the truth at an appropriate age. I’m thinking maybe 12, but I’ve never been in your situation. What age would YOU have wanted to be told, OP?

dwn2kelz −  Dont apologize for your “privilege” trauma is relative and if this is the most hurtful thing youve ever gone through then its okay to be as upset about it as you feel. No one should ever have to apologize for being hurt.

Esp to rando strangers on the internet. If you want to know who your bio dad is you should ask. Its your life and you have every right to know the whole truth about where you came from. Best of luck to you, OP

Tambamwham −  I think you need to make it clear to your sister that her husband letting the cat out of the bag is far from the only reason you don’t like him. And I’d tell her I think she can do better

[Reddit User] −  Aw so this is the last update from you i guess. Oh well our loss is your happy ending Awesome man and glad to know you guys are good.

bigrottentuna −  Im just coming into this now and I want to tell you one thing that is obvious from your story: your parents and your “sister” may have lied to you, but their love for you is genuine. Don’t ever doubt that.

They were trying to do what they thought was best for you and they are only human. People aren’t perfect and they don’t always do things perfectly, but you can count on the fact that they were trying to do the right thing.

shadoxalon −  It’s going to be a really interesting moment when your sister-mom has to choose between being in your life or having Turbo-Chad around. The fact that she’s even trying to make things work after the stunt he pulled doesn’t bode well imo.

Tambamwham −  And to add to my last comment about telling her that you don’t like her husband even before all this. You need to be be real with yourself about how her actions don’t match her words.

What part of her spending less and less time with you since she met him screams “I regret my decision and I want to be your mom?” Honestly. 5+ years of dwindling attention and effort speaks volumes

dontlicklemons −  You are a good kid. Your family clearly loves you. I’m glad they are going to work on things and go to therapy with you. I agree with other posters, if you want to know about your bio-dad, now is the time to ask!

Therapy is going to be essential for you in determining next steps, such as how to process how you found out from your sister’s husband, what (if any) kind of relationship do you want to have with him, and if you want to reach out to your bio dad when the time comes or not.

There is no right or wrong path forward, and ultimately you get to decide how your family dynamic is going to work for you. I’m very impressed with your outlook. Best of luck to you!

PlumBunnyPeaches −  Andy Mack in a nutshell

It’s heartening to see that the family is coming together to work through this complex situation with therapy. Healing and trust will take time, but it’s promising to see them make strides in understanding each other.

How would you approach the relationship with a biological parent you’ve just discovered, while maintaining the bond with the parents who raised you? Do you think uncovering the identity of the biological father should be part of this journey? Share your thoughts below.