UPDATE: I (17m) cannot get my parents (45m, 44f) to listen to me regarding my sister’s (6f) educational needs

The 17-year-old college student who previously expressed frustration about his parents’ school choice for his deaf sister, Ana, has provided an update. After a week of advocating for Ana and engaging in heartfelt discussions, the family reached a compromise: Ana will attend the parents’ chosen school initially,

with close monitoring of her progress and feelings. If the fit isn’t right, they’ll consider transferring her to a specialized deaf school. Additionally, the user shared personal reflections about his own upbringing and has decided to seek therapy to address unresolved issues. Read the full story below for more details.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/FivmD

‘ UPDATE: I (17m) cannot get my parents (45m, 44f) to listen to me regarding my sister’s (6f) educational needs ‘

Hi everyone! About 98% of you were super wonderful on my last post and seemed genuinely invested so I thought I’d give you all an update. It’s been just under a week now and after trying some of the different tactics and talking points you suggested, in addition to reaching out to the deaf/HOH community,

my parents and I have come to a compromise, if only to shut me up. But I’m not the one that’s important here, that would be Ana (6f). So, come the new school year Ana will be going to the school my parents chose BUT we (including me!) will be keeping in close contact with her teachers, specialists, etc,

her progress and talking to Ana herself about how she feels. If it seems like it isn’t a great fit, we will be transferring her to the deaf school. It’s a little out of the area, but I think we can make it work. I did open up to my parents a bit – as much as they could handle – and told them that I feel like I’ve been,

not robbed but had a stunted childhood and that my academic abilities forced me to grow up quickly. That, coupled with their emotional distance and lack of physical presence with Ana, made me angry and frustrated that my opinions on her future weren’t being taken into account.

I wish I could say that was what did it, but honestly my points about the school not teaching Ana independence and other arguments brought up on the original post probably eased them over to my side a bit (I kept my temper even this time).

I mentioned in my edit on the last post that I’d gotten in contact with a Deaf Advocacy group and they’ve provided some wonderful resources so hopefully sometime soon Ana will FINALLY be able to meet kids and adults like her! (She’s SUPER excited by this.

She’s the least reserved and most outgoing sibling out of us three so I’ve no doubt she’ll make friends quickly.) I’ve also made the decision to start seeing a therapist to maybe work on some of the issues that I’ve been reflecting on and to get some emotional support where my mom and dad drop the ball.

I don’t see them changing or even admitting they need to change anytime soon. But that doesn’t mean I have to stay complacent. That’s…more or less the main chunk of what I wanted to say. I notice the rules say we aren’t allowed to upload images so I’ll just describe the drawing Ana just gave me to pin up on my office wall (she’s a brilliant little artist, I’m not even biased).

An ocean surface. A large boat approaches from the left hand side, full of garbage. A great blue whale stands, mid-breech, opposing, brandishing a gun in one flipper. A speech bubble from the whale reads* ***’NO!’*** *while the ambiguously-gendered humans on the Garbage Boat scream in t**ror, presumably ready to flee.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

[Reddit User] −  You fought for her. That’s amazing. I know we’re strangers, but I was a 17 year old once, and I know how hard it can be to stand up to the adults in your life at that age, so I’m really proud of you. And I’m glad your sister has you in her life. You did a good thing. Tell her that her drawing is awesome!

Finger11Fan −  You are an amazing brother and I commend you for standing up for your sisters education. I have a degree in American Sign Language and Deaf Culture and I know how isolating it can be for Deaf children who are forced to mainstream into programs that don’t cater to their specific needs.

I’m so glad that you had a Deaf and HOH advocacy group reach out so they can help your parents make informed decisions on what is best for your sister.. Good job. 🙂

lauraschofie −  I am severely hearing impaired, have been since childhood, along with my brother. I was raised in the hearing world and have always had to accommodate the world, never had any idea the world should maybe try to understand me, and I want to applaud you for standing up for your sister!

If you aren’t hearing impaired or deaf, it’s very hard to understand how casually you are excluded from things, with impatience or thoughts that you aren’t very bright. Putting your sister with a group of people with the same impairment is going to grow her confidence by leaps and bounds! Kudos to you for being a wonderful big brother!!

DeseretRain −  That’s so bizarre that they’re choosing to send her to a school for kids with mental impairment and mobility issues when there’s literally a deaf school they could send her to.

Honestly this doesn’t sound like much of a compromise, they’re still just sending her to the school they want for zero rational reason and trying to placate you by saying “well maybe if it’s not good we’ll pull her out sometime in the future.”

rummncokee −  This is so exciting! Thank you for advocating for your sister!

Acps199610 −  Speaking as former student who has graduated from Oregon School for the Deaf, and have been attending mainstream from pre-school up to 9th grade (10th-12th grade was at the deaf school), I can personal say that my social experiences were much different.

Do keep in mind that most oftentimes, deaf institute does not offer same level of education as mainstream may offer. This is often caused by HUGE variety of students’ backgrounds, with some being growing up having absolutely no communication accessibility, to those that has been neglectful with their education.

However, my BEST experience was to being able to communicate with everybody in my own language that i can understand the most. My mainstream had Deaf/HoH program which advocate for our accessibility of education, such as making arrangements to have interpreter, 1 on 1 sessions and such.

While that is amazing on its own, it could hinder the social development as it would requires less time of being around with peers. I was severely bullied and harassed throughout my time in mainstream up to where i personally decided to want to transfer to my deaf institution- for the sake of better social experience.

If anything, while your sister is not going to be attending to the deaf institute, I would ENCOURAGE you to maintain your contact in the deaf/hard of hearing community. Reach out to people, and try have your daughter being introduced to the culture and language itself.

You are amazing SODC (Siblings of Deaf Child/ren), and i applause you for taking steps in making sure that your sister would have the accessibility for her education. She will NEED you to help her through, so PLEASE stick with her when you can!

PM me if you need any more info on deaf institute or ways to reach out to the community, i may have some ideas depending on where you live. PS: MOST of the time, your town should have a Facebook group delicates to deaf community, such as Deaf Night Out, Deaf Night Chat, etc. Do check around on Facebook, I’m sure you’ll find some groups!!

go_Raptors −  Arm the whales is the best answer ever – she sounds like an absolute gem. I’m so glad she has you in her corner. You are one heck of a good big brother.. Good luck to both of you.

full_trash_can −  This is awesome. You are taking good care of your sister and I’m sure a lot of people here feel proud of you. It’s also very brave of you finally talking to someone (in this case a professional) about your feelings about your childhood. Keep taking care of yourself too :).

eleanorbest −  Well done Ana is very lucky to have such a wonderful brother. Also her drawing sounds amazing, she seems to have a lot of character and spunk! I love it
Edit: sorry, was told OP her brother not sister