UPDATE: How do I [26F] talk to my SO[21M] about needing him to keep my room tidy when he’s staying over?
A Redditor provides an update on how she addressed her concerns about her partner’s tidiness after a year. She explained how a messy environment made her anxious and suggested he live alone before considering moving in together.
After their conversation, he made an effort to keep her space tidy, and they grew closer. Despite challenges in their schedules, they worked hard to maintain their relationship. Eventually, when she found a flat she liked, they decided to move in together. Read the original story below to see how their relationship evolved.
‘ UPDATE: How do I [26F] talk to my SO[21M] about needing him to keep my room tidy when he’s staying over?’
I thought I would update on what’s happened since my post one year ago.. Shortly after, I chose an appropriate time to talk to R about the situation. I explained how it makes me anxious to come back home to a messy place and would rather keep it tidy as I go, specially if It’s when leaving the house and I’m not late for any commitments..
I also brought up that I thought it would be good for him to live by himself before we could consider living together. I explained that I used to be very messy when I first moved out of my parents house but with time learned the value of a tidy and clean space in which to feel relaxed.
He thought about it and a while after said he thought I was right and he would like to have a go at living by himself, saying he was very excited even thinking about it.. In the days after the talk his attitude changed completely too.
At times I would leave for work and he would stay at my house to do some other chores or come and pick me up earlier and take the bins out. He started spending more time at my house after this and we became much closer in the following months..
In September R started a new job and for logistical reasons we could not spend the night together unless we were both on a day off the following day (he works Monday-Friday and I work 4 shifts on 4 off).
We would go a whole week without seeing each other for more than an hour or two, which was really abnormal for us. We started to make a big effort to meet up at any spare 15 minutes between our jobs and other commitments. Sometimes one of us would drive to the other one after work just to say hi for 10 minutes and then leave. It really showed how much we cared about the relationship..
Around this time I was looking for a new house as i had a raise at my job and could afford to live somewhere on my own as opposed to a shared house. I went to see a flat that was perfect for me. Ticked all the boxes, including budget. The only thing was that as soon as I saw it all I could think of was how it wasn’t to be just mine but mine and R’s..
That evening we sat down and I told him about the flat and what I thought as soon as I saw it. I explained how the efforts we had both put in the relationship over the last few months proved to me that we had a relationship worth cherishing.
He asked me for some time to think about it and eventually said he too thought we should move in together. R said he didn’t feel like he needed to live alone to “discover himself”. We then sat down and wrote a list of things we would look for in a place, including a budget and how much we would need to spend on furniture, etc..
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
bubblypebble − So happy for you OP! Also thanks for sharing to show that what adults should and can do – put effort into making a healthy, sustainable relationship work in the long run. This is especially important considering how many people have been in a**sive relationships and don’t realize that yet.
Holycowmotherofgod − \ **We are two happy peas in a happy little flat.**. I turned into a heart-eyes emoji when I read this.
drchrissy − Wow, what an unexpected and happy update. It goes to show that hard work, communication, love, and a change of mindset (plus whatever else you all have going on) can lead to a positive change! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Nephyxia − This is one of the cutest relationship updates I’ve ever seen. You seem like you truly care for each other and will do anything to make it work. This is perfect news!
heyochherio − Why is a lil update on teaching a guy how to clean getting all these feels from me
soft_warm_purry − Aww you lovebirds! You’re both keepers!
FoxEBean21 − What a wonderful ending! Ironically, my husband and I have the same age difference as you two. He’s also had some growing up to do and I’ve had to express how important a clean house is as well. He’s done well to learn as we go. Myself as well.
I’ve never been a good house keeper, but I’m getting more organized as I go. I’m also working much longer hours now, so we both realize that keeping the house clean is much easier and a lot more fun than spending our one day off together… Cleaning. I wish you two much happiness! Enjoy that new space together!
euzjbzkzoz − I like how someone made a comment who got only 3 upvotes really helped Op to improve her life, now I have proof that when I comment it might not be totally useless. Cheers to you Op, I hope you and R continue to have a great relationship!
BalancetheMirror − We started to make a big effort to meet up at any spare 15 minutes between our jobs and other commitments. Sometimes one of us would drive to the other one after work just to say hi for 10 minutes and then leave. Okay, I will date either of you. That is SUPREME effort and so, so sweet. Also, someone put away the fricking onions.. Yay for OP!!
themanseanm − Congratulations! Made me smile, a rare type of post in this sub.
Do you think the Redditor’s approach to discussing tidiness helped strengthen her relationship, or was there a better way to handle the situation? Have you ever had a similar conversation with a partner about shared responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!