[Update] From the l**er whose girlfriend’s rich parents treated me like s**t on Christmas

In a heartfelt update, a Redditor shared how a viral post about his girlfriend’s wealthy, judgmental family led to an honest and transformative conversation. His girlfriend revealed her struggles with financial dependence and her emotionally abusive upbringing, inspiring them to take steps toward a more balanced and independent future together. Read the original story below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/RufhJ

‘ [Update] From the l**er whose girlfriend’s rich parents treated me like s**t on Christmas’

I posted a few days ago on a throwaway account thinking it probably wouldn’t go anywhere but hoping a few more experienced internet strangers might give me some insight. It got some attention and there was some solid advice (thanks u/iamseriouslyaperson!) and a lot of perspective on the whole situation and I was like, “okay, that was enlightening,”

and went on with my day. Gf was working that night so there wasn’t much to do with all that info at the time, and I fell asleep while attempting to formulate my side of the Big Talk. Little did I know that post blew up overnight and made the front page and gf saw it.

I didn’t give any names/locations, but there was enough specific information that she had no trouble figuring out it was me. So Thursday, while at work and still unaware of all this, I got a dreaded “WE NEED TO TALK” text. Yep, all caps. And I was like “welp, I’m dead.”

She was feeling hurt and angry when she sent that text but she said she had time to read through some of the comments and think about things and she wasn’t as upset when she came to my apartment later (she brought food). Still, she said I had no right to tell the whole internet about our relationship problems, and I agreed/apologized.

She knows I’m writing this update and she’s going to read it before I post, the reason for that being she admitted the internet actually made some good points regarding our relationship problems. We talked for a long time Thursday night. She said she knows her parents treat people like s**t and that they control her and her siblings with money.

It’s partially a cultural thing, according to her. Gf was born and raised in the U.S. but her parents grew up rich in a different country and moved here a long time ago. She said they had a hard time assimilating with upper-class Americans and flaunt their wealth because they’re socially insecure.

Gf also implied that kind behavior was a lot more acceptable in their home country in the 1980s and they never changed. She grew up seeing them act that way and, at least when she was younger, thought it was normal. On top of that, gf’s mom was/is emotionally and physically a**sive.

he said her mom used to slap her for “talking back” and once cut up all of gf’s clothes and bedding after an argument over her going out with some high school friends. Gf said she’s still afraid of her mom and has a hard time standing up to her. She also got very little affection from her parents growing up.

It seems like that was all replaced with material things. So, to her, being cut off from her family financially is the same as being cut off emotionally.
All that being said, gf doesn’t expect me to visit her parents again. She was very apologetic about how they treated me and also about not calling them out.

She was really hurt that I said I thought I was “wasting my time” in the earlier post and I said I was sorry, and I am. I was still raging a little when I wrote that. I asked her about maybe letting her parents cut her off financially and living on her own. It wouldn’t mean she has to go no contact but their relationship would be based on something other than money.

We’ve been talking about moving in together for a while now and she actually suggested she move out of her townhouse (that her family pays for) and into my apartment. I’m totally fine this. We’ve been together for almost 3 years and I think we would have moved in together a while ago if her parents weren’t so against it.

She’s really nervous about being on her own financially but she’s willing to try it. We spent hours yesterday going through her finances and coming up with a budget. It’s going to be a big change in how she lives and thinks about things. I’m managing my expectations as far as spending is concerned. No one can change their habits overnight.

We’re not combining our finances or putting her name on the lease. The plan for now is to split the cost of rent and utilities and she asked me to put her on an allowance for spending her own money. She also gave me the credit cards her parents pay for and told me to hide them. It’s weird to me to have this much control over another person’s finances.

We’re going to give it until my lease is up in March (my apartment is a little small for both of us and all our stuff) and then, assuming all this works out, we’ll look for a place to officially live together. She isn’t going to tell her parents right away but she promised she will before March.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

WandofMagicMissile −  Dude that’s wonderful to hear. This is a really good eye opener for her. She should bring everything she can of hers little by little to a safe location so her parents cant just decide that all her stuff actually belongs to them somehow.

SuperChoopieBoopies −  Good for you taking ownership over the breach of privacy (eta: between you two) and talking this stuff out. Sounds like a daughter of middle eastern parents. She’s up against some really awful antics, if so, but it’s a brave move on her part to start this process for herself and you two.

I highly recommend she checks out r/raisedbynarcissists or r/raisedbyborderlines because some of that – erm, shredding her possessions – is f**king nuts and likely something she knows is bad. But it’s probably also just the tip of the bad behaviors she’s grown accustomed to on that end. All not her fault, but now something to work through.

What would probably be way more powerful for you two (and more protective of your dynamic) is if she finds a financial counselor or means to manage her cash outside of a loved one managing it for her.

It intrinsically ties money and love back together and it doesn’t solve the emotional issues that are going to arise between you two from her switching the money-parent from her actual parents to you. She needs her power back and to know she can stand on her own two feet, which is exactly what you brought up in the first place. You two have got this, we believe in you!

SleepyStormLo −  Honestly, her seeing the post and comments and realizing it was about her was probably the best thing that could happen to your relationship. Sounds like it’s been a real eye opener and like she’s serious about making the change. It’s always gonna be a battle with those parents, but should also make your relationship stronger. Good luck!

DntfrgtTheMotorCity −  Don’t hate, but my opinion will differ. “We need to talk”…”getting her approval before you post”…you now being in charge of her parents credit cards…her mom is suddenly a**sive….she will try to live at your level, but then, the apartment is too small for her so you will both move out…

She did not stand up for you. She is now going to try to adapt but I think any fallout will be your fault, in her eyes. She did not text you and say she was sorry for what happened to you. Instead, she was mad that you expressed yourself.. So, I’m not liking it. 😐. And, should you have kids….all hell would break loose.

PM_ME_SOCIAL_ADVICE_ −  “Don’t anonymously ask for help about our relationship online, also here’s a bunch of super intimate details about my childhood and how I grew up, feel free to post this as long as I read it first.”. Like wtf

[Reddit User] −  I applaud your GF for deeply reflecting on what she read. Most people just circle the wagons around their status quo and it takes great courage to listen to even an SO’s criticism.

She’s made some ballsy moves and seems to be growing up into her own woman instead of remaining her parent’s child. Wishing you both fortitude and fortune! You seem like a beautiful team. <3

dewymooncake −  Great! Now let’s just hope the parents aren’t on Reddit.

SallGoodWoman −  I’m glad y’all are doing great, but she’s wrong to tell you that you can’t ask for advice on the internet or otherwise. That’s just not something you should apologize for. I mean, you should talk to her and discuss with her obv, but going through your update before you post it seems like a lil bit too much for me.

[Reddit User] −  Glad you two are working out things. Don’t let her parents get between you two. Relationships are work and money can be a very popular catalyst in the destruction of good relationships. Live within your means. Experiences are 10x more valuable than material s**t. Build amazing memories together.

stabinthedark_ −  I had a girlfriend from another culture who was supported by her family. Slightly different details but there are similarities in the control her family leveraged and in how she responded to it.

She talked about breaking from her families control but in the end she really didn’t want to stop being supported and what she wanted was to transfer the support to me. Just be sure that what you both want is the same thing and you’ll get through all of this.

That girlfriend I had wasn’t a bad person and I don’t know anything about your relationship or who your girlfriend is but I’ll say that if what you’re looking for is an equal it might be a good idea for her to live on her own and not become even partially dependent on you. Living together shouldn’t be clouded by financial necessity, that can sour pretty badly.. ​

EDIT: Unless that’s what you both want. If it’s understood that you will financially support her for life and that’s the nature of your relationship then do it, I don’t know anything about what you two want in your relationship and if that makes you happy then I have no opinion on that.

This couple is tackling complex family dynamics and financial independence head-on, showing that open communication can lead to transformative growth. Do you think the girlfriend’s steps toward independence will strengthen their relationship? What would you do if faced with a similar family situation? Share your thoughts below!