UPDATE for telling my husband’s affair baby’s family to either come get the kid or I’m calling CPS?

Here’s the latest update on my situation following Roger’s passing and the ongoing issues with his affair child and family. First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/QWMuX

‘ UPDATE for telling my husband’s affair baby’s family to either come get the kid or I’m calling CPS?’

 

I am no longer divorcing roger. There were complications from his heart attack and he has passed away. I am conflicted. He was the love of my love but also a cheating piece of trash.

To the best of my knowledge the mother will not return from Europe. The child is currently with her parents. They asked me what I wanted to do. I recommended adoption. Not that I adopt the child. That they put the child up for adoption.. They didn’t like that suggestion.. Neither did my children.

They said i am being cold and cruel. I suggested that since the child was related to them and not to me that they step up. Neither has accepted that suggestion either.

I was the sole beneficiary of Roger’s estate so I imagine lawyers will be involved in getting the child some sort of support. I will pay whatever is ordered by the court out of the estate. I will not pay one cent out of my money.
That is all I have to say on this matter.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

petulafaerie_III −  It’s funny how people are so vocal when it comes to what they want out of you, but then have nothing to say when it’s pointed out they could be doing that thing if it was so important to them.

p_0456 −  They shouldn’t be asking you what to do with this baby, they should be talking to their own daughter. She’s the baby’s mother. You have no responsibility to this child.

GotMySillySocksOn −  Get a paternity test before you allow of your husband’s estate to be taken.

Uncle_Rixo −  “Let’s ask our daughter’s affair’s estranged widow what to do with our grandchild?”

RaymondBeaumont −  it’s amazing how your kids are open to you doing work which they don’t want to do. Good on you to point out their hypocrisy.

Azsura12 −  It is funny that everyone else expects you to take care of a child you have no connection to at all. Like I would get it if your children want to take in their half-sibling. But that baby is literally has no connection to you at all. Like this is nor your child nor is it your mistake.

And tbh a kid should have a loving parent and well getting past the issues with the kid will be hard so its not like you would even make a good fit for the kid anyways. Did your husband have any siblings or cousins or other family which could take them in. That might be the best solution. But I entirely agree with not paying one cent out of your own savings.

Also if your children have an issue with it, tell them they are free to adopt them. The AB (affair baby) has more of a connection to them then you. Since it has no connection to you other than your late husbands mistake.

Edit: One thing I forgot to note. It is especially extra funny the parents are pushing the OP. When their own daughter is in some far off land not wanting to take care of the child. That is the actual person they should be trying to guilt and give custody to. Though again the same issues arise with, would that be a better life?

Living with someone who will abandon them at a drop of a hat. BUT at bare minimum she is the childs mother. Like the best life for that child would likely be adoption (even though the adoption system is sketch as hell in general).

Broad-Discipline2360 −  NTA.
I think people must be extremely dense to think you are “cold”.. HE was unfaithful. His AP (ass piece) was a cvnt and homewrecker that just ran away from her kid and that’s YOUR problem? What kind of mental gymnastics are people doing?

I think you were smart to call your kids out and tell them they can take care of their sibling if fAmiLy is so important. Big big hugs to you. Sorry for your loss.

Far_Prior1058 −  You seem to have yourself together and I am sorry for your loss. Please make sure you have a good lawyer to deal with this. This could get complicated and u**y quickly. Best of wishes.

Professional-Fact157 −  This is one of those situations where as soon as you helped a little bit, it made it LOOK like you should keep helping. But if you had kicked him and the kid out right away, or if you had moved out right away without helping, the perception about you being responsible for this child would be completely different.

A woman getting mad and leaving her husband because he cheated and brought home an affair baby sounds completely reasonable. It is so hypocritical of people to think that just because you kept a level head about the situation and didn’t burn everything down right away that you should just be a doormat forever. You haven’t done anything wrong.

YomiKuzuki −  The child is currently with her parents. They asked me what I wanted to do. I recommended adoption. Not that I adopt the child. That they put the child up for adoption. “That is your grandchild. Not my child. Why are you asking me what I want to do with a child that isn’t mine?”. Neither did my children.

They said i am being cold and cruel. I suggested that since the child was related to them and not to me that they step up. Neither has accepted that suggestion either. “This child is not my child, but is your half sibling. If it’s important to you that they’re looked after, you can take them in yourselves. Or do you expect me to do so?”

I was the sole beneficiary of Roger’s estate so I imagine lawyers will be involved in getting the child some sort of support. I will pay whatever is ordered by the court out of the estate. I will not pay one cent out of my money.
Lawyer up first and figure out in regards to Roger’s inheritance. Have all communication done via lawyer.