[Update] Ex [42F] is creating so much drama in my[37M] life that I am having trouble coping. Considering giving up my kids just to get it all to stop?

A father initially considered giving up custody of his children due to relentless drama from his ex-partner. With advice from others and years of legal and emotional battles, he gained primary custody. Now, his children thrive academically, emotionally, and socially in a stable home. Read the full update to see how perseverance and love turned everything around.

‘ [Update] Ex [42F] is creating so much drama in my[37M] life that I am having trouble coping. Considering giving up my kids just to get it all to stop?’

I took everything to heart and implemented several things right away. I became a grey rock… and started documenting my ass off. I consulted my lawyers, and they said they advised several steps. The first of which was a 730 evaluation.

(This is an evaluation done by a psychologist) that process took a really long time as the 730 evaluator got very sick halfway through. That took 10 months. At the end the report essentially read “Mom is volatile and disorganized and that dad’s home would be a more stable home for the children. However, there is hope that mom is starting to improve, so if things are still bad in 1 year it would be appropriate to change custody to dad”

This was a tough pill to swallow. Things were not better, and the chaos was just intermittent. So we just kept documenting, and doing our thing. Eventually, we started getting a lot of emails from teachers that Jill in particular, was often not bathed, never had her homework done, didn’t have school supplies and that she was falling way behind in her studies.

We applied for a trial to review custody, and asked for primary custody to be swapped to us. That was at the end of 2019, and trial was set for May 2020. So as you can imagine, once COVID hit, everything got delayed. There was a large amount of events in 2020. COVID shut down.

Donna and I had a child, Rebecca. And then my Ex started denying visitation to Jill and Marvin. Every 2 weeks I would go down… wait in front of the house. No kids would emerge. Sometimes I would have the police come, not to force anything, but to get the documentation in terms of a case number. This went on for 4 months, before I was able to start getting visitation again.

Eventually, the trial was set for summer of 2021 and went for 3 days and I had over 500 pages of documentation. Day 1 was entirely testimony from the Co Parenting therapist we had been seeing for 5 years. She testified that my Ex was the most difficult client she had ever worked with in her career, that my ex never followed a single agreement in session, and that she was a pathological l**r.

Last day of testimony was my ex, where she was caught lying on the stand, and was presented with evidence that she had been secretly taking the children to a medical professional for 2 years that I had explicitly not agreed to. So starting in Aug 2021, the judge ordered the kids come live with me, primary custody and limiting my ex to 4 days a month.

It’s now been 3 years: When Jill was in 5th grade she had a 26% in math, and a 40% in English. For the last 3 years, she has maintained a 4.0 every single year, and will be starting High School in Honors Geometry, Honors English and AP Biology.

Marvin has also been doing well also and just finished his first year of middle school with a 4.0 GPA, and is loving his coding and robotics elective. They have new clothes, and have learned new skills and responsibilities. Donna has been crucial in setting up patterns to help with success in school.

Their rooms are both immaculate, and they are the ones doing it with very little direction from us. They are happy and finally involved in activities and sports. Our little Rebecca adores them both, and I will often find all 3 of them cuddled up together as one of the older two reads a book to her.

Jill made the decision recently to stop going on visits to her mom. The chaos and drama started being directed at her… along with lack of food, clothes that fit, etc. Marvin is still going for visits and we are encouraging that as long as he is feeling safe there.

All in all things are going so well and the kids are doing incredible. There are hard moments still, but it has all been worth it, and we are able to shield them for the most part from any chaos their mom may want to start.

If anyone is reading this that initially sent advice. Thank you. When you are in the thick of it, it is tough to not feel like it is impossible and you will never be able to overcome it. I needed the outside prospective.

tl;dr Update to a post about considering giving up custody of my kids, to fighting for them for years… eventually getting custody and turning all of our lives around for the better.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

GerundQueen −  This is a wonderful update. I’m sorry that it took so long to get everything resolved, and I’m sure it was heartbreaking knowing your children were in the custody of someone who was not taking care of them while you had to wait for the wheels of justice to slowwwly move. I’m so glad you persevered and did not give up.

doomcrazy −  Incredible outcome. Not many people would have the will to persevere. I’m so happy for you and your family.

RattusRattus −  Be super proud of yourself. You’re an amazing Dad.

professor-professor −  From a teacher: it’s so amazing to see what stability can do for children. Thank you for fighting hard for your kids, you’ve given them such a great foundation for their futures!

NomadicusRex −  Aren’t you glad you didn’t give up? Those kids needed you, and you fought for them! So many dads give up, it’s always great to meet another dad fighting for the kiddos in the face of an a**sive and unreasonable ex! It is always so strange to me that so many other dads would lay down their lives for their kids, but won’t fight against an angry ex for their kids’ best interests.

CuriousPenguinSocks −  What an amazing update!!! I’m glad the kids are thriving. That is just wonderful to read.

coffee-jnky −  My brother is going through this currently. It really is hell. SIL fabricates the most off the wall, ridiculous and sometimes even heinous accusations. The problem is she’s also a master manipulator. She has convinced one of their kids that he has done horrible things to her.

I know eventually it will work itself out and they will see how unstable their mother is and how everything she says is a lie, but when it’s happening, and one of your kids hates you for supposedly doing u**y s**t to their mom, it’s so hard. I know once they have a little more life experience, they will see it. And they will realize that the picture she paints of their dad doesn’t line up with what they know, remember, and love about their dad.

I’m so happy you got your kids away in time before she was able to ruin the bond you have with them. I’m so happy for you and your family. I am seeing what happened to you in real time and I can’t wait for the day when she has to live with the repercussions of it all.

cheeza89 −  This is an amazing update, OP. Good on your for fighting for your kids and advocating for them to live their best lives during such tough circumstances.

Random_Somebody −  Holy s**t that’s quite a ride. Congrats! And I wish the best for you and your kids (pssttt is it FIRST Robotics your son is involved in?)

hdmx539 −  OP, thank you. Thank you for being a loving parent.

This story is a testament to the power of perseverance and parental love. Have you or someone you know faced a similar battle for custody or stability? How did you navigate the challenges? Share your stories or thoughts in the comments.