UPDATE: Boyfriend’s Close Female Friend Dislikes Me – How Do I Confront Him?

A Reddit user (29F) recently shared a post about her boyfriend (30M) having a close female friend, Nell (34F), who showed blatant disrespect toward her. After feeling like the third wheel in her own relationship and witnessing her boyfriend’s lack of boundaries with Nell, the Reddit user decided to walk away from the relationship.

Despite a defensive conversation with her boyfriend, she moved out and found support from her best friend and family. However, she received a passive-aggressive message from Nell, which only confirmed her decision to leave. Now, she’s focusing on rebuilding her life, and things are looking up. Read the original story below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/lbHph

‘ UPDATE: Boyfriend’s Close Female Friend Dislikes Me – How Do I Confront Him?’

First, I’d like to sincerely thank everyone for the kind comments – I didn’t expect so many responses and I appreciate them all. I wanted to provide everyone with an update, because a lot has happened. A few days ago, after a lot of tearful soul searching, I decided the best thing for me would be to walk away from the relationship.

I sat my bf down and talked to him about it – I explained that I always felt like the third wheel in my own relationship, and that for my own happiness, I didn’t want to be in a relationship that made me feel that way anymore.

I gave examples to him that I did in my original post, such as his lack of boundaries with Nell, and his disinterest in standing up for me whenever she mocked me. I also said my trust in him had been eroded to the point where I felt unsure of what I really was to him.

I told him I still cared about him and wanted him to be happy, but that I wanted to be happy too. My bf sat silently for a while, before asking “so…you’re jealous of Nell?”. I felt like he’d barely processed anything I’d just said, and when I tried clarifying, he got defensive and told me he was allowed female friends.

I could tell he wanted to turn it into an argument, and since my mind was already made up and I’d said what I wanted, I ended the conversation and he played a computer game and acted like I wasn’t there as I packed my things and left. I’ve been staying with my best friend, who is amazing and always so supportive.

We’re actually looking into sharing a place officially. I burst into tears on her doorstep and we hugged it out, before having a movie night with a pizza and some wine. It felt really therapeutic, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. My family have been amazing too – rallying round and taking me out for little meals and stuff.

I even got one or two sweet messages from my bf’s friends, saying they were sorry and that they fully understood my point of view (which is interesting!). I imagined that would be the end of it, but the next morning I woke up to messages from a number I didn’t know. It was Nell.

I honestly didn’t think she’d contact me, so to see walls and walls of text in my inbox was a shock. Let me run down some of the things she said – she repeatedly insisted that she never “bullied me”, and said she had “no idea where that came from”.

She said I’d always seemed cold towards her, so tried to make little jokes to break the ice (openly mocking someone is an interesting method, but I digress). Lastly, she told me I was making things up by suggesting she ever had a thing with my ex – they were just friends.

She finished with a passive aggressive apology that I’d ruined my own relationship by being jealous and listening to “voices in my head”.
I didn’t respond to her venom or try to get the last word – I know she wanted to repeat her tried and true method of hitting out at me and enjoying my reaction, so I didn’t give her one.

I’ve been focusing on other things to start building my self esteem and happiness back. My ex has not tried to contact me since I left and I’m glad. Frankly I think him and Nell are perfect for each other. I’m well and truly done with this, and I’m so excited for new things in my life.

My friend and I are making arrangements to officially have a place together, and I actually got promoted at work today! I feel like it was a little hug from the universe. In all, things are looking bright.

So to end things, I want to thank everyone again for the messages. I think hearing your opinions, as well as getting all my thoughts out in a post are what really opened my eyes and allowed me to leave. I finally feel I’m making myself the priority – feels pretty great!

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Acceptablepops −  That girl don’t want his ass , she just likes the attention. Good on you for not biting the bait

cgannet −  I can’t believe his only response was “so you’re jealous of Nell”. Tells you everything you needed to know by the way he reacted in that conversation.

Contribution4afriend −  300 messages and 700 likes on your last post aren’t voices in your head. Your ex sucks. His next gf will also notice the same things. And you weren’t jealous. It was a fact that he favored his fwb more than anything. I say fwb because the only benefit he will have from her is her attention. I doubt she wants s** with a l**er.

Mis-Behavin-SB −  You did the right thing by not responding to her. It was rather creeper move for him to give her your phone number to message in the first place. Go out and do the things that make you happy

RotrickP −  Sometime in the future, 8-24 months from now, you’re going to (maybe)get a text from him saying you were right and she ruined his next relationship. It might be with her or another woman, who knows.

Then he’ll want to get coffee. You will laugh in your head and ignore his text. You have forgotten all about him. Maybe a day later you’ll say you hope he’s doing well but you’re not interested. It won’t matter if you’re in a relationship or not, because you genuinely won’t care.

Mis-Behavin-SB −  I totally agree with her that they did write them together and they will never understand how awful their behavior is

JellicoAlpha_3_1 −  Yeah don’t respond. He refuses to see reality and she is corrosive. You are free. You got away from the drama. Be happy about that. Nell will continue to ruin his relationships and will insist she doesn’t have a thing for him…

but it’s clear to anyone with a brain that he is her backup plan and she is doing whatever she can to keep him single or in toxic relationships so she can swoop in if she can’t find anyone better

Creative-Passenger76 −  Good for you on not responding to Nell’s text. Silence is golden! The last word isn’t always satisfying. And , you get the bonus of that pissing her off.

shame-the-devil −  So she is interfering in your relationship, by texting you that she’s not interfering in your relationship? Her texting you like that just proves your point.

briomio −  i think you handled this perfectly. I wouldn’t communicate with Nell either. She has most definitely rationalized her behavior and has no insight. Your bf also has no insight.

What is going to happen in the future to any new gfs in your ex’s life is the exact same treatment that you got. But that doesn’t matter to you as you are now free to pursue someone else that doesn’t have another woman velcroed to his backbone.

This update highlights the power of self-love and the strength it takes to leave a toxic situation. Choosing to prioritize personal happiness and well-being over a relationship that doesn’t nurture those values is often the hardest but most rewarding decision.

Have you ever had to walk away from a relationship for your own peace of mind? How did you rebuild and move forward? Share your thoughts below.