(Update) Both our parents [50s] have abandoned my [21M] sister [11F]. How do I give her peace of mind that I won’t abandon her?

In an inspiring update, a 21-year-old shares the steps he’s taken to reassure his 11-year-old sister, who was abandoned by their parents, that he’ll always be there for her. He secured therapy, negotiated financial support from their parents, and created a symbolic gesture with matching engraved necklaces to strengthen their bond. Read the full story below.

‘ (Update) Both our parents [50s] have abandoned my [21M] sister [11F]. How do I give her peace of mind that I won’t abandon her?’

So besides reassuring her verbally continuously, making sure we do a lot of things together and being a good brother, I needed to get her into therapy and I found the right therapist for her. She’s a psychologist who specializes in children’s issues after divorce.

The only problem was money. I called both my parents and told them that I need to talk to them (separately) and told them that we need more money as she needs to get therapy and I want to do nice things for her and that’s the least they owe us after everything.

They were hesitant but eventually agreed. I’m now getting $500 more each month from my mother and $750 more from father and that is a real help. When we have extra money from what my parents give us I put it in a college fund for her and this extra money means that not only she can see a great therapist but now I can save more for her.

I also talked to a lawyer as a lot of you suggested to make sure we’re getting the right amount of money and it seems that we do. Of course we could go on and get them to court and make everything happen through the legal system but that has the risk of them choosing to end my guardianship and get my sister back which is not the right thing for her.

She’s much safer and better off here than in their hands. Obviously the option is on the table if they decide to stop paying or reduce the amount. And a couple of you suggested we do something symbolic which I liked a lot. So I bought two matching necklaces and had them engrave our names on them and told my sister that we’re doing to wear these to remind ourselves that each of us will always be there for the other and we can count on each other.

We’ve already been to two sessions of therapy and I think things are good. The necklace has worked and she doesn’t even want to take it off when she takes a shower.

**tl;dr**: I got her into therapy and got parents to pay for it. We’re doing fun things together more often and we bought matching necklace with our names engraved to remind ourselves that we’ll always be there for each other.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Chasmosaur −  I missed your original post, but man, I have to say: your parents are the worst. The absolute, motherfucking worst. You, however, are a sterling human being, and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

[Reddit User] −  As a former ward: make future plans with her. Like community events, concerts, trips, zoo, etc. The college fund is indicative of a stable future for her and that must mean a lot to her. But some short term things are cool too. Like tickets to see a movie or etc, or discuss when a new one is coming out and how it’d be cool to go see it together. Or, video games and release dates for DVDs.

Get a big calendar and write your plans on it. This kind of stuff is small but powerful. Doesn’t mean just that you won’t bail on her but also that you’re sticking around because you *want* to and that you do like hanging with her, (not just taking her in out of a sense of obligation.) Kids always know more of what’s going on than adults give them credit for. Be straight with her, always.. Best of luck to you guys!🙂

[Reddit User] −  You know I can understand if you just flat out can’t be a parent and just need to disengage. I don’t like it, but I get it. But when you just ditch your family so you can start a new family? Trade in your old kids for new ones? I treated my Mass Effect save file with more respect than that! Your parents need to be marched n**ed through the town, carry large signs saying what they’ve done while being whipped.

You’re a great guy, keep looking out for you sister. It’s better than to have one person who cares for you than a huge bio-clan who are neglectful and a**sive. but that has the risk of them choosing to end my guardianship and get my sister back which is not the right thing for her Not a lawyer but when she is older but

a) her testimony saying she wishes to stay with you and

b) Their total a**ndonment for years should protect you from that.

Still, family courts in the USA are a total s**t-show. I’ve seen cases where they leave the kids with abusers or take them away from the caring parents to go live with the abusers. CPS minimum standards for care would be too low for prison. Better to be avoided.

Jenny-Thalia −  Op, you’re a much better parent to her than they ever were. You’re an incredibly mature, sensible, intelligent man, and at such a young age! When your sister is older, she’ll realize the true extent of how much you love her. Maybe look into some therapy for yourself too?. Keep on being you. Never change.

sophmel −  OP, I want you to know how much your post touched me. I am in tears-and I rarely cry. You are not only a great sibling and guardian to your sister, you are a wonderful human being. Our world is better because you are in it.

Thank you for being a person that does the right thing. Thank you for advocating for your sister. Your love and care for each other is how you will both heal. Please remember to take care of your needs, too. You are young with a great deal of responsibility and also coping with s**tty parents. You deserve to heal, too.

mcmoonery23 −  you are a great brother/parent <3

Terribledragon4Hire −  Do you have a female (not necessarily romantic) in your life your sister might be able to talk to for female issues? I would suggest that. The other thing is I would suggest you always be reliable for her. If you say you are going to do something you always do it. Consistency is what will help deal.

[Reddit User] −  Brother or not, you are her parent at this point. She only a child and she needs you. I’m glad you’ve got her in therapy. Just keep doing what you’re doing and keep her away from her biologicals. They are complete shitheads.

kumesana −  You’re doing good! And the necklace thing is also so cute :). It reminds me when I got a necklace for a little family friend of mine for similar reasons, these things make my heart melt.

mydogiscuteaf −  Hey, man. I’m 28 and have a younger sister. She’s 22. While we are lucky to have good parents, I still wanna say that you are a great brother and a parent to your sister. I don’t know if you’ll have kids, but if you do, they’re lucky as hell. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I am envious of your relationship with your sister.

I have a good relationship with mine. I still drive her around and she’s 22 (to work and stuff). She doesn’t take advantage of me, but I feel she takes me for granted. I wish she would hang out with me more. Not every weekend, but certain events like birthdays and stuff.

This story highlights the power of love, responsibility, and small gestures to create lasting reassurance. How would you support a young sibling in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and suggestions below.